OMG Roommates!
by Hwikek
Summary: In the ancient past of 2003, four high school graduates will meet in Tokyo. They will embark on a remarkably unextraordinary adventure. At the end of which one of them will finally get laid, or maybe not since I'm not like that...
1. Crank It Up To 7 Eleven!

Kagura was walking with her friend Sakaki. They talked about many different things. How they seemed to not get any money from home. How they were still single. How they rarely saw each other. Yet this is no story about a KaguraxSakaki paring. This is a comedy, of epic proportions.

"I still don't have a place to live in," said Kagura.  
"You could crash with me!" said Sakaki.  
Kagura responded by saying, "Awesome! Now I don't have to pay for anything!"  
But Sakaki was startled by this idea and said, "Whoa, whoa! Where did you get that idea?"  
Kagura ignored her, "We wouldn't even have to buy food. We could just have your cat Maya go out and kill stuff that we could grill."  
"What?" said Sakaki, "Why would I want to do that?"  
"Yeah you're right," Kagura agreed, "With our powers combined we could easily afford groceries..."  
"What powers?" asked Sakaki.  
"With our breasts we can trick guys into giving us money...FOR NOTHING!" Kagura yelled.  
"That really works?" asked Sakaki.  
"Yeah," said Kagura, "how do think I bought my ride?"  
"But it looks like the Yukari mobile..." Sakaki pointed out.  
"It is the Yukari mobile," said Kagura, "but it was dirt cheap!"  
"Why did you buy her car?"  
"Look," said Kagura, "Are we gonna be roommates or not?"  
"Only if you promise to go halfsies on the rent—"  
"Later bitch I'm gone."  
"Sakaki, that man just called you a bitch!" yelled Kagura, "You should give him a confidence destroying bitchslap!"  
"But that would be impolite, wait...are you just avoiding the idea of paying half of the rent—"  
Sakaki was quickly ignored by Kagura. The "Lone Wolf" watched as her friend ran towards the man that had insulted her. The brown haired girl kneed him in the balls before bitchslapping the shit out of him.  
"Now give me your money!" Kagura yelled.  
"What are you, a pimp?" the man asked?  
"Don't make me stab you to get the money," said Kagura.

"Why did you do that?" Sakaki asked her friend.  
Kagura had a grin of triumph on her face. She held almost a hundred thousand yen in her hands. She looked up at her friend.  
"Does it matter? Look at all the money he gave me!" Kagura exclaimed.  
"But what about the cops, I mean they are right behind us..."  
Kagura looked behind Sakaki before slapping herself in the face.  
"Dang."

The 5 oh pulled up next to them. There were two officers in the patrol car. One of them was a man, the other was a young girl. And a person sat in the backseat.  
"Okay trainee," said the man.  
"I have a name," said Tomo.  
"Shut up already. Let's just go cuff 'em."  
"But, I think I know them from somewhere..." The faces of these people looked familiar to Tomo. It was like she had met them somewhere before, a long time ago.  
"What the Hell?" screamed Kagura, "We're best friends! We went to high school together! How do you not remember us?"  
"Oh yeah," said Tomo, "We probably need to taze the loud one."  
"I heard that!" said the senior officer.  
"Hey Tomo," said Osaka in the backseat, "When are we goin' to the 7 Eleven?"  
"I keep telling you we are not going on a joy ride!" yelled Tomo, "Do you have any idea how hard it was to convince the other officers to let you come along?"  
"Well then just drop me off here," said Osaka, "Sakaki and Kagura have wheels. I can go to 7 Eleven with them."  
Tomo smacked herself in the face at this point.  
"Don't arrest me officer!" Kagura screamed.  
"But I have my handcuffs out and everything...," the man whined.  
"Would you like a bribe?" Kagura asked.  
"A bribe and a feel," the creepy police offer said.  
"How about two bribes?" Kagura offered.  
After Kagura handed the cop roughly fifty thousand yen, Tomo felt disappointed. She had been with the force for almost a week and nothing had ever happened. But she was mostly disappointed because Kagura hadn't been hit with the taser. Osaka got out of the car. She walked up to her friends Kagura and Sakaki with a smile on her face.  
"I'll see you all in Navi!" Tomo yelled, as the car sped by.  
"I didn't know you were into nerd languages!" Kagura yelled back.  
"God damn it!" Tomo turned to her superior, "Give me some of that bribe won't you?"  
"What bribe? I certainly don't accept bribes." The two officers argued amongst themselves. Kagura and Sakaki watched them pull away.  
_I can't believe that worked_, Kagura thought to herself.  
"We all ready to go to 7 Eleven now?" Osaka asked.  
"But I need gas," said Kagura.  
"This is why I got 42 and you only got 30," said Osaka, "7 Eleven has gas pumps!"

The trio of Kagura, Osaka and Sakaki drove towards 7 Eleven. There wasn't much to talk about in the car. The silence was then interrupted.  
"_USA, dun dun dun. USA, dun dun dun. USA, dun dun dun._"  
Osaka answered her cell phone. "Y'ello Osaka residence. What? Really? Yeah, just flush it." Osaka ended the call.  
"Who was that?" asked Kagura.  
"My boyfriend," said Osaka, "He apparently killed my pet goldfish."  
"What?" yelled Sakaki, "That's terrible!"  
"It's just a goldfish," said Osaka, "Besides I can always buy a—"  
"_USA, dun dun dun. USA, dun dun dun. USA, dun dun dun._"  
"Y'ello?" said Osaka, "Are you okay? Paramedics? It's not too bad? You overreacted? Okay, see you at home then."  
"Who was that?" asked Kagura.  
"My boyfriend, apparently he hurt himself on the shards of the fishbowl. He called the paramedics and they just left because it was nothing. He's such a klutz."  
"That is pretty sad," Kagura agreed. The girl looked around at the car. She then noticed something very unusual.  
"Sakaki?"  
"Hmm?"  
"Why are you driving my car?"  
"You asked me to," Sakaki replied.  
"No."  
"Yes you did," said Oskaka, "I even recorded the event on my phone!"  
"Now I remember why I asked you to drive!" said Kagura, "It's because I don't want anyone to see me in this hunk of junk!"  
"Is that why you duck down every time a car passes by?" asked Osaka.  
"Yes it is."  
"Then why did you buy this car?" Sakaki asked her friend.  
"In order to buy the best tinted windows I could," said Kagura, "I had to look for a low cost car. This was the cheapest one I could find that still ran."  
"That's pretty stupid," said Osaka, "I can't believe anyone would do that. Then again these windows do have a nice tint to them."  
"They should," said Kagura, "I had to use up all of my life insurance to get them!"  
"_USA, dun dun dun. USA, dun dun dun. USA, dun dun dun._"  
"Give me that phone," said Kagura.  
"Why?" Osaka asked.  
"So I can throw it out the window."  
"No."  
"_Please!_ Your ring tone is very annoying. I just want to preserve my sanity," Kagura complained.  
"My ring tone is awesome, hey we're here."

The three of them got out of the car. The doors of the 7 Eleven showed that there were no robbers inside. Yet before they went into the convenience store Kagura yanked them back. She had a confession to make.  
"The real reason I didn't want to come here is because they kicked me out three days ago."  
"What? Why?" Sakaki and Osaka asked.  
"I got in a fight with the store manager. Apparently he didn't like the comments I made about Koreans…."  
"Racist," said Sakaki, "I can't believe that I'm friends with you."  
"I only have issues with Koreans because they beat me up everyday in middle school…because I said they were inferior…."  
"Even I'm not racist," said Osaka, "And y'all say I'm from Redneckastan!"  
"Look I just need you two to go in there and buy the gas…and some Doritos. God I love Doritos."  
"I refuse to help you until you get over this Korean thing," said Sakaki.  
"It's my mother's fault! She kept telling me that they were the scum of the Earth, just like the Chinese."  
"I don't think that I want to know you anymore."  
"Why do you need me to buy the stuff again?" asked Osaka.  
"Are you serious?" asked Kagura, "I just told you why! And now Sakaki hates me for it!"  
"I'm a little spacey at times," said Osaka.  
"Just go in there and buy the stuff!" yelled Kagura.

The manager sat behind the counter. He looked at the shelves lined with snacks. The coolers lined with drinks. The wall lined with cigarettes. The tubs of jerky, a vast selection of rice products. It was boring as Hell.  
The door opened.  
_OMG a customer! Why are those people watching her from behind the windows? One of them looks familiar..._ The manager's thoughts were interrupted by the girl.  
"Do you remember why I came in this store?"  
"No," said the manager.  
"Oh well, maybe I should just go then—"  
"NO! YOU BUY THE FREAKIN' STUFF ALREADY!" Kagura screamed through the window.  
"What did she say?" Osaka asked.  
"I don't know," said the manager, "I think that I've seen her before…."  
"Are these pennies?" asked Osaka.  
"No, but maybe, what are pennies?" asked the manager.  
"No these are pieces of yen," said Osaka looking at a small dish in front of her. "Are you just giving these away?" the young woman asked.  
"Yes."  
"Really? How much is gum?"

"Did you at least buy the gas, because I know that you didn't buy the Doritos," said Kagura.  
"No."  
"Those were the things you were supposed to come out with!" yelled Kagura, "You didn't buy me gas or Doritos!"  
"Well I came out with gum," said Osaka, "Would you like a piece Sakaki?"  
"Don't encourage this!" said Kagura as Sakaki reached out for a piece of gum. "Who's going to buy the gas now?" asked Kagura.  
"You can buy the gas," said Sakaki, plopping in a piece of Juicy Fruit, "Maybe this time you won't insult the guy's race."  
"Argh!" yelled Kagura. She stormed into the building. She would have to confront her biggest fear, Koreans, who hated her guts. While she was inside the convenience store a patrol car pulled up to the gas station, two familiar faces inside.  
"Hey Osaka!" yelled Tomo, "How are you guys?"  
"Pretty good!" Osaka yelled back, "I thought you weren't coming here!"  
Tomo got out of the car. "My partner likes slushies I guess, so he drove us here. What are you guys doing here?"  
"Just waiting for Kagura to get into a fight with the Korean manager," said Osaka.  
"Didn't she do that Wednesday?" asked Tomo.  
"So she claims, why do you ask?"  
"Because I saw her down at the jail. She wouldn't tell me why she was down there."  
"Did you fill up the car?" asked Kagura.  
"No," said Osaka, "How did it go?"  
"Terrible," said Kagura with a bag of Doritos, "The man wants me to go out with him, and if I don't he says he's going to call the cops. So I'm meeting him tomorrow at some restaurant."  
"It's too bad we didn't taze you," said Tomo, "I've never seen it happen before."  
"How much gas is in the car Osaka?" Kagura asked.  
"It's halfway full, why?"  
"THIS IS WHY!" yelled Kagura as she punched Tomo in the face. "Everybody in the car now!"  
"No fair! You used a sneak attack!" Tomo yelled as she watched them speed away from her. _Wait a minute_, Tomo thought to herself, _Isn't that the Yukari mobile?_

The next day Kagura was in Sakaki's apartment placing her stuff inside one of the rooms. Maya hopped up on the bed. He looked at Kagura, she reached out a hand to pet him.  
"SON OF A BITCH!"  
Sakaki rushed into the room to see what was going on.  
"Your cat has finally decided to eat my hand!" yelled Kagura, "Ow! He hungers, for more! Ow ow!" Kagura yelled.  
"Maya! Stop that!" said Sakaki.  
The cat quickly stopped and then rubbed its head against Kagura. She gave the cat a look of intense hatred.  
"If he wasn't your cat," said Kagura, "I would kill him."


	2. Taco Island and the Tomo, Yomi Apartment

"Hey Sakaki!"  
"What is it Kagura?" Sakaki asked.  
"I finished lunch!" said Kagura.  
"You call this lunch?" asked Sakaki.  
"No, I call it TACO ISLAND!"  
In only twenty minutes it seemed as if Kagura had filled the entire kitchen with tacos. There were tacos on the stove, tacos in the oven, tacos in the freezer, even tacos within tacos. Sakaki tried one of them before putting it down.  
"These tacos are soggy," Sakaki complained.  
"Impossible! They don't have any sauce!" said Kagura.  
"It's the grease," said Sakaki, "These things are covered in it!"  
"I knew I should have paid a few additional cents for quality beef!" yelled Kagura. She smacked herself in the face at this point. "I just hope my date with the 7 Eleven manager doesn't end up like these tacos. Even worse is the fact that I can't just throw him out if it doesn't go well." Kagura tried one of the other tacos.  
"They aren't too soggy, this one is still crunchy."  
Sakaki tried another. "You're right, some of them are still crunchy. Did you ever wash your hands after Maya bit you?"  
"I'm not an MIT undergraduate," said Kagura, "I do believe in good hygiene you know."  
"But…Chiyo went to MIT…."  
"No she went to Cal Poly, nowadays that place is the best in engineering," said Kagura.  
"How did you know that?" asked Sakaki.  
"Well that's what Chiyo told me," Kagura replied, "She strikes me as someone who would know."  
"Did you do the dishes from last night?" asked Sakaki.  
"Yeah," said Kagura, "Why do you ask?"  
"They have spots on them…."  
"Aw man," moaned Kagura, "I knew I should have paid a few more cents for Cascade!"  
"Or Mr. Sparkle," said Sakaki.  
"Yeah you're right," Kagura agreed.  
The two of them continued to munch on tacos. They spent nearly an hour chomping down on the virtual island of tacos. They only managed to eat an average of three, and this was only because Kagura ate five on her own….  
"What are we going to do with all these tacos?" asked Sakaki.  
"We could put them in the fridge," Kagura suggested.  
"There isn't enough room."  
"Well, it is garbage day tomorrow. I simply will not eat the rest of these before my date."  
"When is your date Kagura?"  
"Um…it is, shit, right now."

Tomo looked at the apartment she had lived in for about three months now. She hadn't been able to afford a place on her own. In order to not live with her parents there had been a certain necessity to finding a roommate. Unfortunately there had only been one person desperate enough to live on their own. This person was Yomi.  
"What are you doing on the computer?" the "wildcat idiot" asked.  
"Nothing," said Yomi.  
"Bullshit," said Tomo, "What are you doing with Word?"  
"Nothing," the girl said, "go away."  
"_The Fall of Rain_, what is that?" asked Tomo.  
"I told you it's nothing."  
"What's that Explorer tab saying, Fan Fiction?"  
"Stop it!" yelled Yomi, "Get away from the computer!"  
"I bought this computer! Well, with you paying half…. But I still have a right to know what is going on!" the "wildcat" yelled.  
"Wouldn't you rather not know what's going on?" asked Yomi.  
"I am a member of the Police," said Tomo, "That means I can make searches."  
"Fine," said Yomi, "Fan Fiction is a site where people post stories about other people's ideas. The site has thousands of stories on it."  
"How many of those stories did you write?" asked Tomo.  
"Um, like, fifteen."  
"That's pretty gay," said Tomo.  
"You haven't even read them!" yelled Yomi.  
"Let me see them then," Tomo said.  
"Okay."  
"_My Heart of Stone, The Fangs of the Heart_? Those two look pretty emo and gay," said Tomo, "Same goes for the rest. They all sound like something out of a _Twilight_ fan's head."  
"Never mock _Twilight_!" yelled Yomi, "And my stories aren't gay."  
"Whatever, I'm just not a fan," said Tomo, "And all of your stories are whiny sob tales that involve Bella and Edward."  
"Shouldn't you be at work?" asked Yomi in disgust, "It is twelve o' clock."  
"Oh crap! You're right!" Tomo sprinted through the front door. Yomi watched her leave, she shook her head. Tomo raced back through the door.  
"I forgot my gun!" She raced out of the door again a minute later.  
"Idiot," Yomi mumbled to herself. She looked at the next story she was writing. It was about a girl, and a vampire, and a werewolf, and _Bleach_, and…. _No_, Yomi thought to herself, _I will not write yet another sob story! This one shall be…a comedy!_

"So do you like have a job?" asked the 7 Eleven manager.  
"Um, no."  
"Did you want to consider working at 7 Eleven, you get minimum wage when you start out here."  
"No."  
Kagura looked at the man. _He's not that unpleasant really_, Kagura thought to herself. Yet she still had some issues. She just couldn't help feeling awkward around Koreans. She didn't hate them, she just didn't trust them.  
"Do you really hate Koreans?" asked the manager.  
"I blame my mother for it," said Kagura, "She would never stop talking about the inferiority of other Asian ethnicities."  
"So that's why you're a racist," said the Korean manager.  
"I am not a racist!" Kagura yelled, "I just have issues, that's all."  
"I bet the Nazis had 'issues'."  
"I am not as bad as the Nazis!"  
"Yeah, you are kind of hot…."  
Kagura looked down at the table in disgust. They had sat there for only about five seconds, and already the conversation had spiraled into the depths of Hell. The servers had yet to arrive.  
"Excuse me, sirs? Are you two ready to order?"  
Kagura looked up at a waiter. He held his…waiter thingy, looking at the two of them.  
"I think so," said Kagura, "I'm not hungry so I'll just not order."  
"Awesome," said the manager, "now I can get anything!"  
"Would you two like something to drink?" asked the waiter.  
"But I was about to order my food," said the manager.  
"Okay, what would you like?"  
"I'm still deciding actually."  
Kagura slammed her head onto the table. And that hurt like Hell. It was clear to her that this date was not going to end well.

Kagura stared out of the left hand window as her date drove her home. After the rocky start the afternoon had gone a lot better. They had both become less offensive to each other. In fact they were planning to have a second date. The "just daters" passed by a red GMC.  
"Oh my god! They just flipped us off! Back up, I want to fuck these bitches up good!"  
"What?" asked the manager.  
"Just back up," said Kagura, "I'll give them the double finger salute!"  
The man backed up. The red GMC was insight once again. At the moment of opportunity Kagura had second thoughts.  
"No wait they look strong. I'll just show them some good round curves!" yelled Kagura.  
"What?" said the manager.  
"My ass cheeks," said Kagura, "I'm gonna moon these fuckers! When I do I need you to hit the gas 'cause they look like Yakuza and they will be pissed!"  
"This is how fights start, why are they driving an American car?" asked the manager, "Those things aren't even sold in Japan."  
"This won't be a fight," said Kagura, "It will be a war!"  
"Yeah, no. I'm just gonna take you home."

Yomi looked at the reviews she had gotten for _Ichi-a-go-go_. Over 99% of the anonymous reviews said that the story wasn't funny or that it was too out of character. There were even threats against her life. Only about two of the criticisms were constructive, one even said that it was pretty funny.  
_Well_, Yomi thought to herself, _everyone on this entire site seems to hate it. But then again it did get a lot more attention than the other fifteen stories I wrote. I guess that makes it a success?_ ChunkyPony1837 was not sure how to take these criticisms.

Is there a hidden message to this story? I'll let you decide. End of Author's note. 


	3. Tomo shoots herself! Babysitting fails?

"Hey Kagura," said Sakaki, "How did your date go?"  
"Can you believe that manager wouldn't let me moon some Yakuza guys?" asked Kagura.  
"Why would you want to do that?" asked "the lone wolf".  
"They flipped us off!" said Kagura, "How can you expect me to take that lying down?"  
"Um," said Sakaki, "Did they follow you home?"  
"Did you listen to a word I just told you?" asked Kagura, "I said he wouldn't let me moon them, so why would they follow us home?"  
"Yomi called and invited us over to her apartment. Would you like to go?"  
"Sure," said Kagura, "I'll eat some more tacos before we go."  
"Why?" asked Sakaki.  
"In case Tomo decides to make us dinner," said Kagura.  
"How do you know that they live together?" asked Sakaki.  
"Just trust me on this one," said Kagura, "Those two are _always_ together."

"Hey Yomi! Come out of your nerd hole you've got visitors!"  
"That wasn't very polite Kagura—"  
"Who cares? I think she hates me anyways."  
The door opened up. Yomi could be seen rubbing her eyes. Sniffling she greeted them with a faint "Hello".  
"Um, are you okay?" asked Kagura.  
"I'm fine," Yomi sobbed.  
Kagura's guilt exploded within her. "I'm sorry Yomi!" said Kagura, pulling the girl into a tight hug. "I didn't mean to make you cry by calling your apartment a nerd hole!" Kagura had tears in her eyes and on her cheeks. "Can you ever forgive me?"  
"That's not why I was crying," said Yomi, "Tomo got shot..." Yomi continued to sniffle.  
"So...who's making dinner?" asked Kagura.  
Sakaki was stunned. She had known that Kagura and Tomo didn't always get along. But for her to respond like this?  
"I will," Yomi sobbed.  
Sakaki grabbed Kagura by the shoulder. "How can you say something like that?"  
"She's not hurt," said Kagura, "I saw what happened while Ken, my date, drove me home. She shot herself in the chest by accident. But since she had a Kevlar vest on she wasn't hurt at all."  
"It's all true!" Tomo yelled as she came through the front door. "The department is now considering taking my gun away," said the "wildcat".  
"Why did you pull out your gun?" asked Sakaki.  
"I didn't know it was loaded," said Tomo, "In fact the safety failed."  
"You didn't answer the question..."  
"So Kagura," said Tomo, "Do you still have more boobs than brains?"  
"At least I don't pretend to be smarter than I really am!" yelled Kagura.  
"Ha ha ha! I knew you were still an idiot!"  
"So are you numbnuts!" yelled Kagura.  
"I am a woman," said Tomo, "That means that I don't have testicles!"  
Sakaki cringed at the mentioning of the word testicles. She was still a shy little girl! She didn't need this kind of talk.  
"I can't believe that I filled up on tacos before coming here," said Kagura.  
"Oh yeah," said Tomo, "How did your date go?"  
"Pretty good," Kagura admitted, "But I'm goin' job hunting tomorrow. I have to pay half of the rent."  
"If only Chiyo was here," said Tomo, "We could all just mooch off of her..."  
"WE WOULD NEVER DO THAT TO CHIYO!"  
Everyone turned to the source of the scream, Sakaki.  
"I mean, just so we're all clear on this," Sakaki mumbled. Her cheeks turned red in embarressment. Kagura smiled at her friend.  
"Wow Sakaki!" Kagura exclaimed, "I've never seen you so excited!"  
"You should always be kind to your friends," said Sakaki.  
"Yeah," said Kagura, "You ready to go?"  
"Sure."  
"Wait!" yelled Yomi at their retreating backs, "Who's going to help me make dinner?"  
"I will," said Tomo.  
"I think I'd rather starve."

"So you're the new babysitter for little Ichigo?" asked a man.  
"Yes," said Kagura, "Are you his father?"  
"I most certainly am," the father replied.  
"Are you ready to go dear?" a woman asked.  
"I sure am," the father replied. He turned towards Kagura. He noticed the girl's curves and couldn't help feeling a little enticed to do something. He shook his head. "Now just keep my son's little ass in line okay?"  
"Wait, what?"  
"Hello," said the mother, "Make sure our little boy gets to bed now."  
"And don't let him burn down the house," said the father.  
"Ha ha. I won't," said Kagura.  
She watched the two of them leave. The father turned around to look at her again. _Damn she's fine_. He tried not to think about how his son would have such a sexy babysitter.  
"What's the matter dear?"  
"It's that babysitter," said the man.  
"But she seems like such a nice girl, though she is 19."  
"She's legal? Oh man, I hope she wants to babysit again!" the man exclaimed.  
"I'm just going to pretend than I didn't hear that," said his wife.

"Hello," said Ichigo.  
"Sup," said Kagura.  
"What happened to my old sitter Ms. Kasuga?" the boy asked.  
"Um, I don't know," said Kagura, "But we'll have fun. Just don't think of me as a nanny, think of me as, whatever."  
Ichigo stared at Kagura's chest. A smile formed on his mouth and his jaw began to open. This really creeped Kagura out.  
"How old are you?"  
"I am twelve years old," Ichigo said.  
"Well here's a tip for when you're older," said Kagura, "If you like a girl, don't stare at her chest. Girls don't like that."  
"My mom wants me to finish my homework," said Ichigo, "But I don't want to do it."  
"Aw c'mon!" said Kagura, "How hard could it be?"  
"I'm supposed to understand trigonometric functions," said Ichigo.  
"But that isn't so bad, I mean you can just use a calculator right?"  
"The calculator I have doesn't work anymore..."  
Kagura's heart sank, her second greatest fear, math!

Kagura and Ichigo stood out on the sidewalk. The smell of smoke was thick. There were blasts of heat that made them both sweat. Before them lay the house, now a pile of ashes.  
"Okay," said Kagura, "What did we learn?"  
"That you absolutely should not play with matches," said Ichigo. He then furrowed his brow in confusion.  
"Or was it that you absolutely should play with them?" asked Ichigo.  
"Oh it's definitely one or the other," said Kagura in disgust.  
"Which one do you think it is?" the boy asked.  
Kagura smacked herself in the face. Ichigo's parents pulled up next to he charred remains of their house. Kagura looked at their stricken faces. She noticed that Ichigo was still trying to decide on whether or not he should or shouldn't play with matches. Kagura shook her head in embarressment.  
"I just hope that I still get payed for this..." 


	4. Will It Blend? Who's Story Is It?

"So why are you here again?" asked Tomo, for the third time.  
Kagura sat in the jail. Her friend's constantly asking the same question irritated her to no end. "I keep telling you I wish I knew!" said Kagura.  
"It's just...your story doesn't make any sense," said Tomo.  
"Oh, trust me," said Kagura, "I already know that."  
"The kid you were babysitting found the matches, lit the fireplace, then accidentally set the couch on fire... But then you stamped it out," said Tomo, "So how did the house burn down?"  
"Well he had lit up several other matches," said Kagura, "So one of those set the curtains on fire, one started the couch on fire _again_, and the others lit the carpet on fire. At that point I decided that it was time to evacuate."  
"Why didn't you call the fire department?"  
"I did," said Kagura, "but they thought it was a prank call. And that was only because the kid spoke with them calling himself 'Doctor Rockers'."  
"Well it doesn't matter anyways," said Tomo, "The family isn't pressing charges on you. Which is only because the dad wants to bunk with you."  
"Wait, what?"  
"I wish I was joking," said Tomo, "but that was the reason he gave."  
"I need to make a call."

"Hello?"  
"_Hey Sakaki. Listen_," said Kagura over the phone, "_Can you come pick me up? I'm at the jail with Tomo_."

"_Hello_?"  
Sakaki sighed to herself. "I'll be there." She hung up the phone. The apartment was dark yet the white paint glistened by the light of the moon. _I don't think I even want to know_, Sakaki thought to herself.

"Damn it!" yelled Tomo, "blend!"  
Yomi got up off of the couch.  
"What are you doing?"  
"I want to make smoothies before the gang gets here," said Tomo, "but this machine...is a son of a bitch!"  
Yomi looked at the items Tomo had gotten out. They were hotdogs and ice cream tubs. "What are these for?" asked Yomi.  
"Smoothies."  
"Hotdogs?" asked Yomi, "Those are going to become smoothies?"  
"Yeah," said Tomo, "My wienie smoothies," said Tomo, "You know how much protein is in one of these smoothies?"  
"No," said Yomi.  
"Zero. Blend!"  
"It's not even plugged in," said Yomi.  
"Son of a bitch!" yelled Tomo.  
"Idiot," Yomi mumbled.

Kaorin arrived at Yomi and Tomo's apartment at seven. She carried a lovely bowl of...fried octopus. She noticed two familiar faces, Kagura and Sakaki.  
"Hi Sakaki," said Kaorin.  
"Hello," said Sakaki.  
"Sup?" asked Kagura, "We haven't seen you in a while!"  
"Yeah," said Kaorin, "That's because I moved to a different part of town. It was closer to my job."  
"Aw man, you have a job?" said Kagura, "I just lost my babysitting gig."  
"It was because the house burned down when she was in charge," said Sakaki.  
"Will you just let it go?" said Kagura, "I left to get the kid some water. How was I supposed to know that he would start the livingroom on fire?"  
"Ya gotta steal the matches," said Osaka, "I did that and Ichigo stayed in line just fine."  
"When did you get here?" asked Kaorin.  
"I forget, I'm a little spacey."  
"Still?" asked Kagura.  
"It's a lot better now," said Osaka.  
"Who's Ichigo?" asked Sakaki.  
"The kid that burned his house down," said Kagura, "And I told you that last night!"  
"So how have you been Kaorin?" asked Osaka.  
"Great," said Kaorin, "I get a lot of money from my job. Yet I still wish that I had gone on to the university..."  
"It turns out that I really can become a teacher," said Osaka, "I just need to keep passin' my classes."  
"Oh man," said Kagura, "I haven't been accepted by any schools. I'm not sure how I can get along in life...but then again I do make a lot of money with my breasts!"  
Everyone stared at Kagura. Their mouths were wide open. The shock on Osaka's face was incredible.  
"What?" said Kagura, "It's not like I'm a whore or anything. I just trick guys into giving me money, that's all. Of course it is easier when you have these girlfriends!"  
"Please," said Sakaki, "stop that."

"Hey guys!" said Tomo, "How the Hell are ya?"  
"Pretty good...what is that smell?" asked Kagura. She sniffed around. "It smells like burnt hotdogs."  
"That's my special wienie smoothie!" Tomo exclaimed, "Aren't you dying to try it out?"  
"Dying is what I'll be doing _when_ I try them out," said Kagura.  
"Tomo!" yelled Yomi, "I told you to throw those digusting things out!"  
"Try one!" the "wildcat" yelled.  
"I did!" yelled Yomi, "That mistake nearly cost me my life!"  
"I'm glad we still had some leftover tacos," said Kagura.  
"Me too," said Sakaki.

Kaorin and Osaka sat next to each other on the couch. They were having an interesting conversation. "Did you ever get over, you know?" asked Osaka.  
"Um, yeah. After I got a boyfriend I got over that, if you know what I mean... Mmmhmm that's right, I'm not a virgin," said Kaorin.  
"Me either," said Tomo "Yomi and I made sure of that!"  
"Wait, what?"  
"I said that wrong," Tomo moaned, "What I meant was that we found me a date."  
"Oh," said everyone, "Well it looks like we owe Chiyo ¥3000."

"Wait a minute," said Osaka, "Kaorin, I thought you said that she slept in your car!"  
"Oh I'm sorry," said Kaorin, "This story happened to you?" She looked at Osaka. The spacey woman said nothing. "I mean this happened to me but why should I tell it?" asked Kaorin.  
"Well I guess it isn't that big a deal..."  
"Oh, this happened to me, so I should tell it? Do you really think this is a good idea?" asked Kaorin, "Wait, is that booze?" Kaorin shook her head. "Sorry Osaka. I just get annoyed when people interrupt me—"  
"SON OF A BITCH!" yelled Tomo, "I hate you Yomi!"  
"What did I just say?" asked Kaorin.  
"What the Hell did I just say?" sceamed Kaorin.  
"We'd better go," said Sakaki, "this is how fights start."  
"You little shit!" yelled Kaorin, "How dare you bring that up?"  
Kagura and Sakaki left the apartment. Osaka following close behind. They were almost to the end of the stairs when a gun went off.  
"Be more careful!" yelled Yomi, "Did you shoot yourself again?"  
"Yes..." 


	5. Won't You Please Come Visit Me Dawg?

"What is that?" asked Kagura.  
Sakaki turned to see a poster in a store window. The display showed a beat up car along with the words, "YK and the Bossy Bitch, featuring Little Brittle". Sakaki stared at the poster. She had a very important question on her mind. _Why aren't we using a car_?  
"Oh," said Kagura, "This is about Yukari and Coach!"  
"... I am so confused," said Sakaki.  
"They told me on FaceBook that they were going to start a band. I guess this is what they call themselves. Ten thousand yen says that Yukari picked out the name."  
"Agreed," said Sakaki, "But who is this 'Little Brittle' character?"  
"I don't know," said Kagura, "You want me to check FaceBook?"  
"_Boy in 1912 I could kick your ass! I did the foxtrot and the tango before it was banned! I did Jazz and black magic before there ever was rap. No I'm trapped with a colectomy bag in my pants..._"  
"What was that?" asked Kagura.  
"That's one of the songs on this new album," said the store manager, "It's called _I'm A Try Rapping _ and the song you just heard was done solely by 'Little Brittle'. It's called _Won't You Visit Me Dawg_?"  
"Who is 'Little Brittle'?" asked Kagura and Sakaki.  
"Supposedly he's Bossy Bitch's grandfather. I can give you his address if you want."  
"Um, okay," said Sakaki. She had a slight curiosity in seeing 'Little Brittle'...before he died. The two of them set off for the old folks home. Kagura only slightly pissed.

"Hello?" Sakaki and Kagura turned to see Yukari. The three of them went inside one of the hospital rooms. They saw an old man asleep. "'Little Brittle'?" said Sakaki, "Knock knock."  
"Who the Hell are you people?" screamed the man as woke up, "Get back before I stab you in the neck with a picture of my son! Hack hack!" The old man began to cough violently.  
"Calm down you geezer!" said Yukari, "Who the Hell do think we are? Are you Korean?"  
"Oh no, you did not!" yelled the shriveled up old man, "No one asked me that when I was fighting for your freedom in WW two! I'm a veteran!" The old man looked at the people in front of him. "Hey there," he said, "Come over here and give 'Little B" some props! I haven't been touched in a long time."  
"Go on Kagura," said Yukari, "He wants you to hug him."  
"But he smells like poop."  
"Aw come on homie," said Little B, "Why ya gotta treat me like that?"  
Yuakri pushed Kagura over towards him. The old frail man grabbed Kagura's arm. "You've grown up like a weed since I last saw you!" said Lil B, "Hug me like a man! I'm huggin' a man y'all!"  
"I'm a girl!" said Kagura racing towards the door.  
"Do y'all know my grandchild then?" asked Lil B.  
"Yes," said Yukari, "I came with her last week!"  
"Oh no you did not! No one called my family members homosexuals when I was bleedin' fo' y'all on Iwo! We deserve some respect!"  
"SHUT THE FUCK UP!" yelled Yukari, "That isn't what I meant! Don't you know who I am?"  
"Aw yeah, you the one that... You did the thing that... Wait a minute, who the f— are you people? What are you doin' in my room?"  
"We'd better go," said Kagura.  
"Who are all these people? All around, tryin' ta kill me! It's the Marines! They're closin' in around me!"  
"I mean, this is just sad," said Kagura.  
"Yeah," the others agreed. They started to head towards the door when Osaka popped in.  
"Hey y'all!" said Osaka.  
"Hey homies, where are you goin'?" asked 'Little Brittle, "Come on it's applesauce day, applesauce day dawg!"  
"Hey Osaka, can you stay with him?  
But it smells like poo over there!"  
"Someone has to stay with him," said Yukari, "Someone, without a nose."  
"What?" asked Osaka, "I have a nose!"

"Why the Hell, did you come here Yukari?"  
"To tell you Kagura killed your grandfather."  
"What?" said Nyamo.  
"He hugged her too hard and damaged his blood vessels. It was weird as Hell."  
Tears formed in Nyamo's eyes. "Grampa is...dead?"  
"Did you hear a word I just said?" asked Yukari.  
Nyamo started to cry. Yukari decided to play the song he had sang.  
"_I got liverspots bigger than Dalmaitian dots. I'm all alone, won't you please come visit me dawg_?"  
Nyamo started to cry even more.  
"What's wrong?" asked Yukari, "He was a crazy old man anyways. What was so special about him?"  
Nyamo's fist answered the question. 


	6. Nyamo ConfessesBy Accident

Tomo had asked the gang to stop by the apartment for a party. Everyone was surprised that Yukari and Nyamo had come too. "Hey Coach," said Kagura, "How are you?"  
"Terrible," said Nyamo, "My grandfather died."  
"What?" asked Kagura, "When?"  
"Last weekend," Nyamo sobbed.  
"But, we visited him Wednesday, as in yesterday..."  
"What?" said Nyamo, "Yukari told me... Yukari! Why did you tell me that my grampa died?"  
"Well I didn't want to have him sing another song like _Uh Oh, Polio!_, it just wouldn't connect with today's youth."  
"You could have just said _that_!" yelled Nyamo, "Instead of telling me he died, I love him!"  
"How?" asked Yukari, "He smells like poop!"  
"What?" screamed Nyamo, "Why hasn't he been bathed? Remember that he sang '_Roll me homie. I'm gettin' sores and I'm gettin' lonely_.'?"  
"The nurses don't go in there because he spits on 'em, and calls them harlots," said Yukari, "In fact he even barks at them to get nude."  
"What do they have him on?" asked Nyamo.  
"I think they called it black tar heroin," said Yukari.  
Nyamo's head smacked into the table. She started crying again. Kagura started crying too. The two swimmers then embraced each other, crying together.  
"Boring," said Osaka, "If I wanted to see a sobfest I'd be with my boyfriend at home."  
Everyone stared at Osaka in disbelief.  
"I get cranky when I'm hungry..."  
"Hey Tomo," said Kaorin, "Why do we get invited here so often? Also are you gay for Yomi?"  
"Can't two girls live in the same apartment, be friends since grade school, always hangout together and _not_ be lesbians?" asked the "wildcat idiot".  
"_Let the stool settle! Soft and loose. Soft and loose. Ya gotta give me the juice, to let 'em loose_!"  
"YK and BB," said Yukari answering the phone, "What? I can't believe this!" She hung up. "Our provider just dropped us!"  
"Well, I like teaching," said Nyamo. _Almost as much as I love Kagura!_  
"Um Coach?"  
"Yeah?"  
"What did you just say?"

Kaorin walked up to her car. She noticed that someone had broken out her windows. _Why?_  
"That's why you don't fight with me!" yelled Tomo, "Because I cheat!"  
"You bitch!" yelled Kaorin.  
"I'm just kidding," said Tomo, "I'll help you get the glass off of your seats."  
The prowler stood behind the wall of the apartment complex, ready to kill.

"So when are you going out with Ken?" asked Sakaki.  
"I still feel uncomfortable about what just happened with Coach," said Kagura, "And we haven't decided."  
It was at that moment the prowler lunged. But he was soon knocked out by a blow to the nards. Kagura yelled for Tomo to arrest the man.  
"Aw man," said Tomo, "I am going to have a shitload of paperwork tomorrow."  
"Man," said Kaorin, "You knocked his ass out!"  
"Oh my god!" said Nyamo, "Kagura are you okay?"  
"Please," said Kagura, "Just don't sneak up on me like that."  
"I'm not a rapist," said Nyamo, "Well there was that one time..."

Kagura showed up at the mall. It was time for her to try and get another job. The résumé in her hands was not well padded. But how much padding does your résumé need if all you're doing is serving pre-cooked food? Kagura went into the interview with her head held high... And she later walked out with her head hanging down.  
"Don't worry about it," said Nyamo, "It's just like the time you lost the race, and the next one, and the next one, and the next one and then the whole sports fest—"  
Kagura started to sob at this point. _Shit_, thought Nyamo, that _was tactful_.  
"Coach," said Kagura, "You've always tried to help me out, but I never knew why. Are you really a lesbian?"  
"Who told you that?" yelled Nyamo, "Give me a bar and some guys and I'll prove I'm—"  
"I think I'll take that as a maybe," said Kagura, "but what you said last week...is that really..."  
"Let's talk about something else. How about jobs, wait, shit!"  
"The last job I had nearly got me killed," said Kagura.  
"Really?"  
"Yeah, and it was because this kid didn't know whether he should play with matches or not. He still didn't know even after his house burned down!"  
"Weird," said Nyamo, "Why don't you apply for a job that involves swimming?"  
"But it's Spring."  
"You could become a stripper, I'd stop by for that, wait. Am I thinking out loud again?"  
Judging from the fact that Kagura ran off screaming, I'd have to say yes. Nyamo nearly died of embarressment. She ran after Kagura. Unfortunately she was in the woman's bathroom. If Nyamo followed her in there, it would be awkward as shit. Kagura came out a few minutes later.  
"Oh man," said Kagura, "It felt like my insides were going to explode!"  
"Where's Sakaki?" asked Nyamo.  
"She's at school," said Kagura.  
"Are you skipping classes?" asked Nyamo.  
"I wish," said Kagura, "I was never accepted to a university! Aren't you skipping classes though?"  
"No, I still have sick days," said Nyamo.  
"Yeah," said Kagura, "always end on a strong joke."

Kagura sat in the apartment. She stared with a burning hatred at the thing in front of her. Maya. Sometimes he was sweet, other times he was nasty. How would he react today? The small cat rubbed against Kagura's leg, before peeing on it. Needless to say, Kagura was pretty pissed. If this kept going on, Maya would go to meet leet Jesus. 


	7. Maya Vs Kagura

Kagura looked at her nemesis. The only enemy she had not defeated. This infuriated her to no end. Her opponent seemed to give her a sly smirk. She growled at him, a burning hatred in her eyes. Then Maya started rubbing his head against her leg. He had done this before. Afterwards the cat ususally peed on something she owned. If the cat had not belonged to her friend Sakaki, it would be dead. Yet he was, but Kagura had a plan. Hopefully it would settle him down, because if it didn't poor Maya would go on to meet Leet Jesus...the man behind the euthanasia chamber.  
"Hello," said the veterinarian.  
"Hello," said Kagura, "I have this little guy here," she held up a cage, Maya huddled in the back shivering. "I'd like to get him neutered."  
"Okay," said the man, "That will be ¥10,000...I mean ¥50,000."  
"Um, are you serious?" asked Kagura.  
"No I'm just kidding it will only be ¥10,000."  
"That's pretty expensive..."  
"Well it isn't that bad a price," said the verterinarian, "Plus it will make little..."  
"Mr. Furbottom."  
"Mr. Furbottom healthier," the veterinarian concluded.  
Kagura was not quite sold on this issue. One hundred dollars was a lot of money to pay for some cat, then again Japan doesn't use dollars, it uses yen. She looked inside the cage at the creature inside. Maya shivered at the new sights and sounds. Kagura felt bad for him, he was about to have his nuts chopped off. Then Kagura remembered all the times that this animal had peed on her pants, her shoes, even on her. Her sympathy drained away as fast as Maya's "main vein".  
"Okay, when can I pick him up?"  
"Give us about four hours," said the man, "We should have him ready to go home by then."  
"Okay," said Kagura, "Bye Maya!"  
"You said his name was Mr. Furbottom."  
"Maya, Furbottom, what difference does it make?"

Yomi looked at her E-mail account. She noticed that there were several notices from the Fan Fiction site. Apparently someone had reviewed her story saying "lulz". Yomi logged on to her Fan Fiction account. She sent a message to ChibiChibi11. _You liked it_? After hitting F5 for the next 5 hours ChibiChibi11 sent a reply. _Yes_.  
At that moment Tomo Takino, the "wildcat idiot", showed up behind her.  
"What are you doing?" the "wildcat" asked.  
"I'm just sending messages over the Internet," Yomi replied.  
"Who's ChibiChibi11?" asked Tomo.  
"I don't know," said Yomi, "probably a high school student."  
"You shouldn't be talking to people you don't know over the Internet," said Tomo, "I mean, we deal with weird people who use the Internet a the Police Station."  
"I know what I'm doing," said Yomi.  
"But then why did you tell the person that you were a twenty year old, out of shape, single, who lives in Tokyo?"  
"Um.". Yomi was at a loss for words. _Why did I give away all that information_,Yomi thought to herself, _It's a pretty stupid thing to do_. At this moment fear gripped Yomi's heart for two reasons. The first being that someone she didn't know knew a bit too much about who she was. The second being that Tomo, her idiotic "friend", had known better. It didn't seem as if the day was going to get any better. And it became even worse, with the next message. _Hey Yomi_, the screen said, _How's it going with Tomo_?

Kagura stopped by the vet's office to see if Maya was ready to go. When she walked through the door the vet had already brought out Maya's cage.  
"Now you need to keep him inside for a couple of days. He may not be able to stay warm enough if he goes outside right away, due to the anesthetics."  
"Okay, I'll be sure to remember," said Kagura. She opened the cage. The animal rubbed its head against her hand. She smiled, _maybe this will work_. At that moment Maya vomited onto her face. He then proceeded to rub his head against her hand again.

Tomo and Yomi huddled together in fear. The latest message hadn't been creepy. In fact it had only been _Hello?_. Yet Yomi and Tomo had nearly managed to shit their pants. They didn't know who it was, or what the person wanted. And it was only then that Tomo became aware of the fact that the person had called her a homosexual.  
"God damn it," said Tomo, "Why does everyone think we're gay?"  
"Right," said Yomi, "So we're not gay?"  
"What?" asked Tomo.  
"I was just, um...kidding."  
Tomo backed up away from Yomi. Then she noticed the computer and remembered why they had huddled together in the first place. There was suddenly a cocky air about her.  
"I just remembered that I have a gun," said Tomo, "So I guess we'll be fine."  
"But you shoot yourself with it..."  
"Actually it turns out that it was a faulty weapon," said Tomo, "Now that it's been replaced I won't have any trouble!"  
"It's too bad they didn't replace your brain!" yelled Yomi.  
"Oh shut the f— up! Besides this person is probably someone we know," said Tomo.  
"Or a stalker with a machete," said Yomi.  
"Shut up!" said Tomo.  
"You two need to calm down."  
Tomo and Yomi turned around to see...Kagura.  
"What are you doing here?" asked Tomo and Yomi.  
"I just came to borrow some soda," said Kagura.  
"What's that cage for?" asked Tomo.  
"It had my lunch." 


	8. Birthday Time? Jail?

"What did you have for lunch Kagura?"

"Chicken," said Kagura.

"Was the chicken in that cage?" asked Tomo.

"Yes."

"Okay," Tomo looked back at the computer screen. The true face of fear was…. The monitor showing a one line message that read, _Hello?_

"I hope I meet this bastard in a dark alley," said Tomo.

"But that's Sakaki."

"What?" asked Tomo and Yomi in unison.

"She told you this before you know," said Kagura.

"No she didn't."

"For the first and probably last time, Tomo is right," said Yomi. The "wildcat idiot" had an evil gaze directed towards the back of Yomi's head. Yet despite the ridiculous level of malevolence…no one noticed.

"That's why I brought Osaka with me," said Kagura.

"Yep," said Osaka as she poked her head through the doorway.

"Why?"

"Because she recorded the conversation on her phone."

"That's stupid," said Yomi.

"Maybe so…but I still did it."

"Well that means you're stupid," said Tomo, "Since you did something so stupid."

"I also recorded you abusing your police privileges on my phone!" said Osaka.

Tomo gulped with fear.

"That's right," said Osaka, "I know all about how you use your sirens to get to restaurants faster!"

"I only did it forty times! Don't show the department," Tomo pleaded.

"Then bow down and admit the fact that I am smarter than you!"

"Ne-never!"

"Just do it already," said Yomi and Kagura, "Everyone else agrees on it."

Kagura sat on the couch in the apartment that she shared with her friend Sakaki. She looked at the small-ish brown cat that sat beside her. She had recently taken him to the veterinarian. After the animal doctor had finished chopping his balls off, Kagura had brought him home. She wasn't sure about whether or not the cat would behave now. He seemed to be friendlier though, since he lay asleep next to her.

The cat rolled over in its sleep. Occasionally its legs would move similarly to how the creature would run. The tail twitched occasionally, the tip jerking up and down. Kagura thought that it was boring as Hell. Then again it was better than being stuck in prison.

She wasn't even sure why the cat had disliked her in the first place. After all she _had_ defended him when "wildcat idiot" Tomo had been scratched. It just didn't make sense to the girl. Then again neither did trigonometry.

_How can the distance between the point and the origin relate to triangles? And_ _how can there be no real answer to the tangent of 90? _ Kagura was completely confused by the idea. _What use would I have for triangles anyways? It's not like I work in the field of…whatever those fields are that use triangles_.

The cat woke up. It stretched before lying on Kagura's lap. The creature lifted its head and purred.

"Get off."

"Meow?"

Kagura stared at the small animal. _For all I know he could just be saying emoticons and leet speak. These stupid animals are infuriating._ Kagura glared at the creature on her lap. Maya rubbed his head against Kagura's leg.

_It's just trying to fool me. I can't fall for its evil schemes._

Maya then promptly fell asleep. As he lay there in a deep slumber Kagura sighed. Maybe the cat really was nicer now. _He certainly is more gentle_, thought Kagura. As Kagura began to relax, the cat started to slide off of her. His natural response was to panic and stab his claws into whatever he could find to escape gravity. And that was Kagura's legs.

Kaorin sat at her day job inside of an office building. She had waited a long time to reach this position. She had spent thousands of hours to build herself up to this moment. Now it was time for her to go into action.

"I'm sorry sir. You can't bring food or drinks into this building."

"Aw…man."

"You could finish your drink outside and comeback in."

"Oh. Can't I just finish it in here?"

"Um, no," said Kaorin, "My manager would not appreciate that."

"But there are, like, people…outside," said the man, "So can I just, you know?"

"Kinda," said Kaorin, "But like I said my manager would be very upset if someone had food or drinks in the building."

"Well I wish that there had been some type of warning," said the man, "How can I be expected to know everything about a place like this?"

"There's a sign on the door—"

"Don't you give me any lip!" said the man. He stormed out of the building in disgust. Throwing his slushie at the door. The pink sugary ice flowed down the glass in streaks the color of watermelon.

_I hate my job_, Kaorin thought to herself, _then again it does make me rich_.

The door opened again.

"Hey Kaorin," said Kagura holding two liters of soda in each hand.

"You're not supposed to bring food in here," said Kaorin.

"Oh crap."

"Why?"

"Hey," said Kagura, ignoring her friend and opening the door, "Don't bring in the—"

"Out of the way!" said Tomo as she pushed Kagura aside carrying in a keg.

"Tomo you idiot!" said Kagura, "Didn't you see the sign that says no food or drinks?"

"No, but then why did you bring in the soda?"

"I didn't see the sign until I was inside the building."

"Well we should probably tell the others about this before they—"

"Hello," said Sakaki and Yomi, "We brought a cake."

"Didn't anyone see that sign that says no food or drinks?" asked Kaorin.

"I guess not," said Yomi, "We should probably tell Osaka before she—"

"Open the doors Chihiro!" yelled Osaka, "Then make sure to lower the ramp!"

"Okay!"

What was clearly not a ramp came through the open doors. The others ran away as fast as they could as tacos flooded into the building. Kaorin looked on in horror as taco filling and crunchy shells started to destroy the floor.

"Stop doing that!" yelled Tomo.

"Why?"

"Because this is never acceptable!"

"You're right!" said Osaka. The spacey woman walked out of the car to lift up the ramp. The tacos no longer flowed into the lobby of the building. The disaster had been stopped…somewhat.

"Stupid Chihiro," said Osaka, "Why did I ever listen to her idea?"

"So," said Kagura, "You ready to go Kaorin?"

"My shift isn't over till three," she said, "And Tomo?"

"Yeah?"

"Why did you bring a keg in here?"

"Well you're old enough to legally drink now since it's your birthday," said the "wildcat", "I thought you might need it."

"I'm just glad that I only brought sodas," said Kagura.

"Aw come on!" said Tomo, "Beer, tacos, cake, of legal age. It all goes together on a young girl's birthday right?"

"I don't like where this is going," said Kaorin.

"Yeah," said Chihiro, "Well, we better leave. Before someone comes by and sees that we made this mess."

"This place has security cameras you know."

"Sakaki are you serious?" asked Chihiro.

"Well there's one right there in front of us."

"It hid in plain sight," said Osaka, "Just like a chameleon or a no parking sign."

"Well as a member of the police," said Tomo, "I'll just say that I was unaware of the taco…thingy. I should get off scot free!"

"No one says that anymore," Kagura quipped.

"Shut up," said Tomo.

"Let's just go," said Kaorin. Their feet splashed through the sauce that covered the floor. The glass door still had streaks of pink slushie. _I can cover not being here with my vacation hours_.

Kaorin and Chihiro sat on a bench. The room was dark and smoky. People stood around them. Kaorin's head hurt from the alcohol she had been forced to consume by a drunken Tomo. Even though Kagura had knocked her out before she had poured another beer down her throat.

"Oh man. Did you see me pound down those daiquiris at the bar last night?"

"You only pounded one," Kaorin told Chihiro.

"I only pound what I can afford," said Chihiro.

"I can't believe that Tomo got me drunk."

"Hell, she got me drunk," said Chihiro, "Not to mention Yomi and that one guy who was there."

"What guy?"

"I don't know. I was wasted at the time."

"My head really hurts Chihiro."

"You did drink, like, five gallons of booze you know."

"When?"

"When do you think?" Chihiro sarcastically said.

"I don't remember it," said Kaorin.

"Well at least it's the weekend so we can get rid of our hangovers."

"You can't handle your booze," said Kaorin, "I mean you only drank a daiquiri."

"That daiquiri was pure ethyl alcohol."

"It was a virgin!" yelled Kaorin, "The pain of yelling hurts my brain."

"That makes no sense at all," said Chihiro.

"Or maybe that was someone else. No it was definitely your drink."

"Why are we in jail anyways?"

"You two were drunk in public," said Tomo, "I had to bring you in. You were a danger to yourselves and others."

"Why did you get me drunk?" asked an angry Kaorin.

"Well I hadn't met my quota for the day."

"What quota?"

"Perps that I brought to the station," said Tomo.

"I think I hate you," said Kaorin.

"Hey Tomo?"

"Yeah Chihiro?"

"Can you let us out now?"

"Why?"

"Some guy just asked me to smuggle a daiquiri in here…with it up my butt."

"The mix or fresh?" asked the junior officer.

"Fresh," said Chihiro.

"Dude," said Tomo, "That would be so cold."

"Just let us out of here!" yelled the young woman.

"I'm trying," said Tomo, she fell asleep in her chair.

"Look," said Kagura, shaking the police woman awake, "Do we have to pay bail or something?"

"Yeah, maybe."

"What the Hell do you mean maybe?"

"Look boobzilla," said Tomo, "I'm a little too drunk right now to keep from vomiting if you continue to shake me like that."

"Then you better find a nice hobo to puke on!" yelled Kagura as she violently shook the woman.

"What's going on?" asked Chihiro.

"Who the fuck knows?" said Kaorin.


	9. Contacts and Osama

"Hey Kaorin."

"Hi Kagura."

"Why are you holding that bottle of Gatorade?"

"I've been suffering from diarrhea lately," said Kaorin, "I'm drinking Gatorade to stay hydrated." The young woman then drained the bottle in one gulp. "The only problem is that I now have an addiction to Gatorade."

"How?" asked Kagura.

"I don't know. Maybe they put something in the water?"

"Well they must put _something_ in the water," said Kagura, "I mean it doesn't look like water does it?"

Kaorin groaned, clutching her stomach with her hands. She had felt pains for almost five days now. She felt uncomfortable even when she lay down. As she held her hand against her stomach, Kagura decided to try and help her.

"You want to go to the doctor?"

"I guess, it is free after all."

"Plus I think you have a possibly fatal intestinal blockage," said Kagura.

"What?"

"Well that's what happened to me once," said Kagura, "It was not pleasant."

Kaorin shivered with fear. The idea of her own mortality was not something she liked to think about. Then again it was Kagura, the same person who had failed the easiest test of all time.

"Are you sure?"

"Did you eat fresh raw fish recently?"

"Yeah," said Kaorin, "I ate it with Chihiro and my boyfriend."

"Then we should go to the hospital," said Kagura, "Because you might have a parasitic infection."

Tomo stood in the police station. She was waiting for the guests that were supposed to visit that day, the Americans' federal police, the FBI. Yet they were over two hours late. Tomo wasn't sure about whether or not this was a bad thing, in only a few minutest it would be made clear. It had been for the better.

"Hello, um I mean…." The FBI agent was unsure about what to say next. "Thomas?"

"Yeah?"

"How do you say hello?"

"I don't know," said Thomas, "Don't they speak English?"

"If they do then I will feel like an idiot right about now."

Tomo tried to talk to them in English.

"Hi," said the "Wildcat", "How are you?"

"What kind of accent is that?"

"It's obviously Japanese," said Thomas, "How did they ever think that you could be a special agent?"

"Well I was just curious," said the other agent named Tom.

"Hello Tom," said a voice from behind.

Both agents turned around.

"Oh I'm sorry, I meant Thomas," said the male Japanese police officer, "Heroh, how are you?"  
"Um, what did you say?" asked Tom.

"Ha ha, I'm just kidding I can make 'L' sounds. Wait, you're not Thomas."

"We're here to meet O-sama—"

"Wait," said Tom, "Osama is here?"

"I think so," said Thomas, "We came here to meet him."

"This could be the turning point in my career," said Tom, "I don't know how I can fail to get promoted if I can catch Osama!"  
"Are you okay?" asked Thomas, "You do know who this is right?"

"Only the number one man on our terrorist list," said Tom. Thomas smacked himself in the face. The Japanese police officers were shocked. They felt a little insulted, except for Tomo who understood what the man meant. She was trying hard not to laugh.

"This is special agent Samson," said Tom, using his radio, "I need the marines from the embassy to surround the police station. Osama Bin Laden is in the building!"

"You idiot," said Thomas, "Osama Bin Laden is _not_ in this police station. If he was here, do you think the police officers would be standing around doing nothing?"

"Well…I don't work here so—"

"THEY WOULDN'T!" yelled Thomas.

"No need to shout!" yelled Tom.

"Shut up already!" yelled Thomas.

_Where have I seen this before? _As Tomo watched the two scream at each other she realized something very important. _I guess there are lots of weird friendships in the world. Then again I should have known that already_.

"I hate you Thomas."

"Well I'm your boss," said Thomas, "So you're fired."

"Aw come on buddy," said Tom, "You know I was just kidding."

"Too bad."

"Damn Irish," said Tom, "You've always hated us Americans."

"But you're the one that's Irish," said Thomas.

"Why are they here again?" asked Tomo.

"To meet O-sama," said her superior, "I just hope he shaved this morning, otherwise it could be awkward."

Tomo nodded her head in agreement. The man was well known for having a long beard and wearing a Middle Eastern hat. Occasionally he even wore a robe. If that Tom guy saw him…things could get ugly.

Yomi looked at the small box in front of her, the box that contained her deepest desire, freedom from glasses. She pulled the small foil casing out of the box. _This is it_, Yomi thought to herself, _this will be the day that I can go without glasses._

"Well," said Osaka, the helpful receptionist, "When you remove the contacts from the solution, you want to make sure that you completely remove the foil. Doing this should keep the lenses from being scratched."

Yomi wasn't so sure about listening to Osaka, someone who had never seemed that smart to her. _Then again she has worked here for…wait, maybe she's just started._ Koyomi didn't know if she could trust Ayumu's judgment.

"…Now what's the first step in putting on your contacts?" asked Kasuga.

"Um." _Shit_, Yomi thought to herself, _I haven't heard a word she's said!_

"Let's just go over it again," said Osaka, "The first step is to wash your hands. So what is the second step?"

"Uh…."

"Have you been listening to me?" asked Osaka.

"Um…."

"You seem to be suffering from a severe case of monosyllabic syndrome," said Ayumu, "I hear it can be awkward."

"Well I'll just go was my hands," said Yomi.

The next hour was the most frustrating experience in Yomi's life. Every time she tried to put the tiny gel lenses into her eyes she had failed. _This is ridiculous_, thought Yomi, _I'm at the top of my class, yet I can't put in a contact?_

"Why isn't this working?"

"Well I might not be an eye doctor," said Osaka, "But I think it might be because you keep closing your eye when your finger gets near it."

"Oh," said Yomi, "I hadn't thought about that."

"It's okay," said Osaka, "Most people don't get the contacts in the first time anyways. Here," Osaka handed Yomi a bottle of contact solution. "I want you to practice touching your eye with your finger."

"What?"

"Put the solution on your finger first," said Ayumu, "It will help to reduce irritation, plus the solution doubles as eye drops."

"Okay."

"So we need to schedule another appointment," said Osaka, "Can you come Wednesday?"

"No," said Yomi, "I have classes."

"Okay, how about Tuesday?"  
"I have classes that day too."  
"Saturday?"

"I have a life."

"A life of wearing glasses," said Osaka, "That is if you can't put in the contacts."

"I'll see you Saturday," said Yomi.

"I thought so." Osaka smiled to herself. _This is why I get so many raises_, she thought, _I get people to keep coming._

"Are you sure doctor?" asked Kaorin

"No doubt about it," said the man, "You have anisakiasis."

"What is that?"

"It's a parasitic infection," said the doctor, "It's caused by the worm anisakis. You can only get it from eating infected fish, and only if the fish has been improperly cooked or frozen. We see it quite a bit."

"So why do I have these pains?"

"Well the worm can't survive in your intestines," said the doctor, "So when it dies your body's immune system begins a massive attack on it. This can obstruct the bowels, killing people."

"What?" said a worried Kaorin.

"Well luckily your friend brought you in so early," said the doctor, "That way you won't suffer anything major." The doctor then looked outside the room. "Why is she flirting with one of the patients?"

"I have no idea," said Kaorin, "But how will you treat this?"

"Well we'll have to surgically remove the obstruction," said the doctor, "So if you'll follow that nurse over there we can begin the operation."

"…So you come here often?"

"I try not to."

"Can't blame you really," said Kagura, "It isn't exactly the most upbeat place in the world."

"Kagura," said Kaorin, "What are you doing?"

"Well this is Ken," said Kagura.

"Ken?"

"The 7 Eleven manager, remember?"

"Oh," said Kaorin, "Now I remember, but Kagura," Kaorin gave the woman a fearful look, "I'm going to be operated on."

"That's terrible," said Kagura, "Right now?"

"Yes, will you stay here until it's done?"

"I have a job interview but…yeah," said Kagura, "I don't really want to work at WacDonalds anyways."

Tomo held Tom back as he tried to grab O-sama.

"I'm very sorry about this," said Thomas, "He thinks that whenever someone says your name that they are referring to a terrorist."

"I'm a little insulted," said O-sama, stroking his long beard, "But I appreciate your apology."

"Can someone give me a hand here?" asked Tomo.

"Allow me," said Thomas. The FBI agent pulled out a taser. He jammed the non lethal weapon into Tom's side.

"Ow!" Tom and Tomo yelled. They fell to the floor writhing in pain. Tom's bladder released fluids from his lack of muscle control. Tomo had started twitching.

"It seems as if my first idea wasn't my best idea."

"It certainly wasn't," said O-sama.

_What the fuck?_ Tomo couldn't help thinking that this was the worst day of her life.


	10. Red

Chris Redfield looked at his nemesis, Albert Wesker. The obnoxious albino was becoming quite a problem. His ability to dodge bullets had given Chris and Sheva quite a bit of trouble. Now they were fighting him on the dark deck of a ship.

"…And I will judge it," said Albert Wesker.

"You're going to judge us?" asked Chris, "Do you get all of your ideas from comic book villains?"

At that moment Albert threw a missile at Chris and Sheva. The female BSAA agent screamed as she was hit with the missile. She fell dramatically to the floor, dead.

"Sheva!" screamed Chris as the _Your Partner Died_ screen came up.

Kagura growled in anger. For the past twenty minutes she had been trying to defeat the ridiculously overpowered Albert Wesker. She had used her Dragunov to shoot out the lights, yet every time she shot Albert he merely stepped backwards. Then he would jump up next to the bomber and throw missiles, and this always killed the useless AI that controlled Sheva.

"Why doesn't he die?" yelled Kagura as yet another missile killed Sheva.

_Wait_, thought Kagura, _is that a rocket launcher?_

Sure enough, an RPG launcher lay in a nearby case. Kagura hit right bumper right trigger. She hit the blue _X_ button on her 360 controller. Aiming the anti-tank weapon Kagura fired at the albino while he was in the darkness.

_What?_

Wesker had caught the rocket with his bare hands. The annoying albino was in fact pushing it back. Kagura sat on the couch, completely stunned.

"That's just stupid!" she yelled at the top of her lungs. "Rockets move slower than bullets, but he dodges bullets…so how can he only _block_ rockets?"

The Sheva AI shot at the rocket, causing it to explode. The cloud of smoke soon wafted away. Kagura was shocked by what she saw. Albert Wesker was still alive, merely stunned by the explosive force of a weapon that American tankers fear.

"This is so stupid!" she yelled. _How the f— is this asshole still alive?_

Kagura rushed up to the evil man. She pressed the _X_ button to grab a hold of the struggling Wesker. Holding his arms back Chris Redfield called for his partner.

"Do it now! Give him the shot!" yelled Chris.

Wesker tossed Chris over his head. _Fricking God_, thought Kagura, _this guy is so annoying._ She tried to find another rocket for the RPG, but Wesker did that gun spin thing. Kagura wandered towards Sheva, but before she was revived Albert hit Chris with a spin kick.

"Chris!" yelled Sheva as the former Air Force member fell to the floor dead.

Kagura nearly screamed. She had been fighting Wesker for almost an hour now. This was the closet she had gotten to defeating the man. She wanted to throw her controller at the TV screen. Maya jumped up onto the couch, snuggling up next to the girl. This was a welcome change, considering before he usually just peed on her pants.

"Sheva!" The sound of another failed attempt to kill Wesker filled the living room.

"_Wake up in the morin' feelin' like p-diddy_—"

"No!" yelled Yukari, "Not again!"

"What?" said Nyamo, "This is a great song."

"I've had to hear you play that song for _three_ days," said Yukari, "It wasn't even that good to begin with."

"Maybe I should play my Lady Gaga albums—"

"Gah!" yelled Yukari.

_Why the Hell won't she leave my apartment? Does she think that this is her own personal hotel or something?_ It seemed as if the annoying "friend" of hers would never leave.

"Well I'm going out," said Minamo.

"Where are you going?"

"To pick up my grandfather," said Minamo.

"But he's old," said Yukari, "You can do better."

Minamo shook her head in disgust. The very idea was insulting.

"Just shut the f— up Yukari."

"Damn it!" yelled Kagura.

She had finally gotten past the difficult ship deck battle, now she had to defeat Wesker once and for all. She had run through the lava pit unharmed only to find herself stuck and needing to save Sheva from Wesker. A rock had stood in her way and it was proving difficult to knock down.

"Come on you stupid thing," said Kagura.

Maya rubbed his head against her leg and started to meow. At first the sound was easy to ignore. Then it began to grow louder. Kagura was becoming frustrated with both the game and the cat. Maya started yowling at the top of his lungs.

"Stop that," said Kagura. _Frigging Wesker. How many shots can he take?_ Kagura pulled out her revolver and started shooting the albino bastard in the chest. She was running out of ammunition. It wouldn't be much longer before…. The Red Ring of Death. Kagura nearly screamed.

"_The phone is ringing. The phone is ringing. The phone is ringing._"

"Hello?"

"_Hi Kagura._"

"Coach?"

"_Can you help me with something?_" asked Nyamo.

"What is it?" asked Kagura, remembering the awkward moments she had had with Minamo.

"_I need help to get my grandfather out of the nursing home._"

"Um, sure. I'll just meet you there."

"_Okay_," said Minamo, "_See you there!_"

Kagura wasn't sure about whether or not she should meet up with her former high school gym teacher. Then again the Xbox had died so there was no alternative. She just hoped that her former mentor wouldn't be so unusual this time.

"Hi grampa."

"Who the Hell is she?" asked Little Brittle.

"This is Kagura," said Minamo, "You've talked to her before."

"Nice to meet you," said Kagura, "For the third time."

"No," said Little Brittle, "I mean who are you?"

Minamo was shocked by this statement. She had known her grandfather since…an unspecified date. They had been together so long that Minamo had no idea why he would forget who she was.

"I'm your granddaughter."

"Oh yeah!" said Little Brittle, "If it isn't little Minamo. How are my great grandchildren comin' along?"

"I don't think they are," said Kagura.

"No one called my family sterile when I was fightin' the reds in Korea," said Little Brittle, "I spent twenty minutes over there before being hit by a grenade!"

"You were never in Korea," said Minamo, "What are you on?"

"Well," said Little Brittle, "I'm on this bed, which is hard and sticky!"

"Oh right," said Nyamo, "I forgot that you aren't familiar with slang."

"What about my great grandchildren?" asked Little Brittle.

"I think she's gay," said Kagura.

"I'm not sure why that has something to do with her not having children," said Little Brittle, "Happy people can have children you know."

"That's not what I meant," said Kagura, "I mean she's a homo."

"What's that?"

"It means human," said Minamo, trying to keep her cool.

"Argh!" growled Kagura, "You caught me on a technicality."

"And that's why I went to college and you didn't," said Minamo.

"Wait," said Kagura, "I thought we were friends."

"Friends can be rude to each other sometimes," said Minamo.

"What does this have to do with great grandchildren?" asked Little Brittle.

"She's single," said Kagura, "and probably a homosexual."

"It hardly matters," said Little Brittle, "Haven't you heard of adoption?"

"I'm not gay!" said Minamo.

"Well which one of you is the robotics expert?"

"What?" asked Minamo and Kagura.

"Why the Hell do you think that I had _Come Visit Me Dawg_ released in Asia yo?" asked Little Brittle. "I had it released in Asia, so I could get a robotics expert to come to my room. Then he could remove my brain and put me into a Roomba, making me immortal! Then I would be able to get out of this bed and leave the Hellhole they call a retirement home."

"That's crazy!" yelled Nyamo, "Whoever prescribed that medication to you will die."

"Actually the doctor is already dead," said Kagura.

"Really?"

"Yeah. Poor girl jumped in front of a bus."

"She may have escaped my wrath for now," said Nyamo, "But when I die I will find her soul and wedgie it to oblivion!"

"How am I supposed to get out of this bed?" asked Little Brittle.

"Well there are two options," said Nyamo, "One is to use a wheelchair, and the other is to have your brain stuffed into a Roomba which is _impossible_."

"Well then wheel me out of this crap shack!" yelled Little Brittle, "My bed sores aren't going to heal lying on this cot!"


	11. Gaming For The First Time

"Oh man."

"_Quit n00b toobing and get some points already_!"

"Shut up! I'm doing better than you are!"

"_Well we're still losing this fucking game!_"

"_Johnny! What did you just say?_"

"_Shut up mom! I'm trying to beat these guys!_"

"_This game is way too violent for an eight year old boy_," said Johnny's mother, "_You are not to play this game anymore!_"

The sound of a child screaming in anger filled Kaorin and Kagura's ears. They traded a strange look. The two of them had been sitting on the couch for the past five hours. So far neither of them had proven to be good at COD.

"Was he really eight years old?" asked Kaorin.

"I have no idea," said Kagura, "But we're still losing."

"What's Copycat?" asked Kaorin.

"You've used it five times already…no wait that was me."

"Come on tell me."

"It gives you an enemy's weapons."

"So it means that they don't have any weapons?" asked Kaorin.

"No," said Kagura, "You just get weapons that are identical to those of the person who killed you."

"What good will that do?"

"Sometimes it's pretty helpful," said Kagura.

"I miss Martyrdom."

"So do I Kaorin, so do I."

"Who is this Hwi…why keck?"

"_Not 'Why keck' H wi keck._"

"H wii keck?"

"_No_," said the headset, "_The 'wi' is pronounced just like the beginning of Wikipedia._"

"That would make it H why keck," said Kaorin.

"_How?_"

"Wikipedia comes from a Hawaiian word that starts with 'w' and whose beginning sound is 'why'."

"_Okay, your English, barely understandable_," said the man, "_But how to pronounce my Gamertag is not very important when we are losing this match._"

"Hey Kagura," said Kaorin, "Why are we playing this again?"

"To have fun."

"So why don't we play Halo instead?"

"_Halo sucks_," said some twenty something year old, "_It's gay penis penis penis!_"

"She's a girl you dumbass," said Kagura.

"_Then why isn't she making me a sandwhich? What the fuck she just killed me?_"

"High five!"

The two friends high fived each other on the couch after Kaorin had raped the rude chauvinist through a melee kill. Unfortunately she was then shot with an AA-12 ending the game. The two of them watched the Killcam as the person knifed one of their fellow Rangers before switching to the AA-12, watching Kaorin knife a douche bag and then shoot her down with the automatic shotgun.

"_Ha ha we still won that one!_"

"_That sandwich comment was stupid_," said Hwikek.

"_Yeah and then she knifed you from behind. What a dumb ass_."

"Well," said Kagura, "You wanna play another seven hours?"

"Sure," said Kaorin, "Just as long as we don't go out for sushi."

The two of them laughed as they remembered what had recently happened to Kaorin. The surgery had proven life saving when the mass was also found to contain a malignant tumor. Kaorin's life had been saved by Kagura's near average intelligence. Sakaki walked into the room.

"Do you two want to go get some sushi?"

"NO!" screamed Kaorin.

"What's wrong?" asked Sakaki.

"The last time I ate sushi I had these terrible pains which turned out to be dead worms in my intestines from my sushi. I had to have surgery to remove them!" Kaorin whined.

"You could just order cooked sushi you know," said Kagura, "Or sushi made with fish that's been frozen. Anisakis can't live in those conditions."

"I guess that would be okay then," said Kaorin, "But let's play three more hours first."

"Agreed."

"Well I'm going now," said Sakaki, "So if you want to come now's the time."

"You used to be less assertive," said Kaorin, "When did that change?"

"That wasn't very assertive you know."

"It was assertive for you," said Kagura, "Then again so would be asking someone to stop."

"Oh no," said Kaorin, "They have an AC 130…what is that?"

"The other team has an AC 130?" Kagura paled as she heard the sound of the AC 130 through the speakers. "Where is the Javelin?"

"You don't have a Javelin," said Kaorin, "You're only level 20."

"Are you two coming or not?"

"No," the two of them said in unison.

Sakaki shook her head as she walked out the door. Her friends didn't see her go. Kaorin and Kagura continued to play Xbox. They would occasionally be knifed in the back, or hit with a throwing knife.

"We need a plan," said Kaorin.

"Why don't we use the SCAR?"

"I don't have the SCAR, I like the FAMAS."

"You should add on the grenade launcher."

"I think we should just play Halo instead."

"Don't you like this game?"

"I do," said Kaorin, "But I like Halo more."

"Is it because people keep knifing you in the back?"

"That's the main reason," said Kaorin, "Also the Harriers."

"I here ya," said Kagura, "Those things sure are a nuisance."

"I can't believe that they survive a hit from the rocket launcher," said Kaorin, "That's ridiculous."

"The AT4 should be able to destroy Harriers," said Kagura, "It is an anti-tank weapon after all."

"I can't believe that we suck so much," said Kaorin.

"Yeah you're right. We haven't made a Kill Streak in the past three hours."

"Oh no," said Kaorin, "They just blew me up again…."

"Do you want to play Splinter Cell instead?"

"Yeah," said Kaorin, "Hopefully that will be easier than this is."

After three hours of failing to effectively mark enemies Kagura and Kaorin felt defeated. Though they were able to hit their enemies every so often with the Mk. 23, they kept getting spotted. The two of them gave up since it was now four in the morning.


	12. A Sleepless Weekend

"Waahaha…."

"What's the matter Kaorin?"

Kaorin sniffed, "Whenever I have the sword, and I make a double kill or a triple kill or a killing spree; someone kills me and takes the sword!"

"Yeah I noticed that," said Kagura.

"Are you two still playing videogames?" asked Sakaki.

"Yeah," said Kaorin, "We slept for three hours on the couch, then we started playing games again."

"I feel kind of hungry," said Kagura.

"You should," said Sakaki, "You haven't eaten anything in over twelve hours."

"What time is it?"

"It's one in the afternoon," said Sakaki, "Which means that you two have spent more time playing games than you've been asleep."

"That's not so bad," said Kagura, "I can always make up for this during the week."

"We should be getting to bed…tonight," said Kaorin.

"Yeah," said Kagura, "This passing out at 3 AM crap really isn't working for me."

"You two should probably stop playing videogames for this weekend," said Sakaki, "Life is something that you need to experience and…. Is that Halo 3?"

"It sure is," said Kaorin.

"We have another controller right?" asked Sakaki.

"It's not wireless," said Kagura, "But yeah."

"Scoot over."

"Good morning grampa."

"Good morning Minamo."

"He's behaving so nicely," said Tomo, "The last time I saw him he was cranky and spat on me."

"I don't remember you visiting me…."

"You're old," said Tomo, "You people forget stuff."

"I'm only 65."

"Which is over twice my age," said Tomo.

"Well I'm still fit as a fiddle," said Minamo's grandfather.

"It's true," said Nyamo, "Once he was off of the medication he could be sociable again."

"Now Minamo," said her grandfather, "Why are you dressed like this on the cover of this CD album?"

"That was for the promo grandpa."

"You're half naked!"

"Literally half naked," said Yukari, "I remember that quite well."

"Why did you tear off my pants during the photo shoot?" asked Minamo.

"The pictures from that were for the limited edition CD," said Yukari, "You didn't think that I was going to expose _myself_ did you?"

"Minamo," said her grandfather, "You need to make better friends."

"Yeah," said Tomo, "Or at least beat up Yukari once in a while."

"Where's Yomi?" asked Minamo.

"She said that she had to communicate with her 'fanbase'," said Tomo.

"Yeah right," said Yukari, "Yomi will never have a fanbase."

"Hey Chihiro?"

"Yeah Osaka?"

"Are you gay?"

"Because I hangout with Kaorin you think I'm gay?"

"Yeah," said Osaka.

"Well I'm not," said Chihiro, "Are you?"

"Sorry," said Osaka, "I had to ask since I was listening to Avenue Q."

"What's that?"

"An American play," said Osaka, "One that uses puppets instead of actors."

"…?..."

"I'm serious," said Osaka, "I also wrote this poem while I had to sit through a boring class." The spacey-ish woman pulled out a piece of paper.

Writer's Block

When ideas die in your head

before they hit the page.

Hands try to squeeze creativity from the pen.

As if frozen on stage

No movement, no nothin'

Pop, bang, splat.

Poets fall down

Tempting you…to glean their fruits

To feed yourself.

–Hollywood Style—

"The book is always better than the movie."

The foul stench.

Your nostrils flare

Protesting the blank lines!

Strong winds whisk away the perfume of creativity.

Silence erupts like the smoke of a volcano.

Cogs of inspiration jammed in the brain.

Doodles form a mosaic

of procrastination

across the page.

Five minutes left.

Force compels the wheels to turn

Yet despite their willingness they cannot obey.

Tick, tock,,,,tick, tock.

Tap the pen…

Cup the forehead….

Drafted ideas crumble under the clenched fist

Squeezed into a ball.

Swoosh—thud.

The garbage can claims another victim.

"Is it supposed to be funny?" asked Chihiro.

"I thought so," said Osaka, "But then my professor said it was too random and poorly constructed…."

"It's kind of funny," said Chihiro, "I mean if you're into this sort of thing."

"I'm not," said Osaka, "But someone else might be."

"Yeah," said Chihiro.

"Oh god," said Sakaki as she glanced at the clock, "It's ten PM!"

"That's not so bad," said the red eyed Kagura, "We'll just play till eleven and then sleep on the couch…," she ended her sentence with a yawn.

"I'm going to bed now," said Sakaki, "Have you noticed how Maya is acting strange lately?"

"I chopped his balls off," yawned Kagura.

"What why?"  
"Are you serious?" asked Kagura, "Don't you remember what used to happen when I was around him?"

"Well I'm going to sleep," said Sakaki, "Don't stay up too long."

"We won't."

Sakaki woke up at nine AM that Sunday. She went through her usual morning routine. Walking out of the bathroom she noticed that two people weren't on the couch, though the Xbox was still on. The "lone wolf" noticed that the white bullheads were still warm.

"_Stop being AFK_" said the TV, "_We need help._"

"_Oh my god_," said another player, "_Some n00b is spamming us with rockets, god damn it._"

"_How the fuck did I just miss?_"

"_Be cuz u suk dkc_."

"Oh no," said Kagura as she emerged from the bathroom…with Kaorin? (What the Fuck?), "It's that annoying person who uses Microsoft Sam to speak!"

"_U needz to tawt a lezzon…biotch!_"

"He totally sucks," said Kaorin, "But he acts like he can play the game well."

"_Dear god_," said one of their teammates, "_Will someone boot him out?_"

"I'm going home," said Kaorin, "I need to shower before my date."

"Okay," said Kagura, "See you later."

"Why were you in the bathroom?"

"I was sleepwalking and I woke up in there," said Kagura, "Then Kaorin came in and peed in the shower, she was sleep walking too."

"Way too much information there," said Sakaki.


	13. A Somewhat Meaningful Day

You can follow me on Twitter, just look for Hwikek!

Sakaki watched as the light changed, from don't walk to walk. She quickly strode through the crosswalk. The sun was bright overhead. People walked by her. They smiled and talked to each other. Overhead birds glided on the gentle push of the warm air, rising up from below. Sakaki smiled to herself as she went further down the sidewalk. The firm pavement felt good against her feet.

Two teenagers on the sidewalk smiled as they went to school. Sakaki's happy mood vanished in a black cloud. She thought about her yearly years. How she had always been a loner. How she had constantly been by herself. It reminded her of a song she had heard before. She started to hum it.

_I'm…so lonely... So lonely... So lonely and sadly alone... There's no one, just me only... Sitting on my little throne... I work really hard and make up great plans. But nobody listens no one understands. Seems like no takes me seriously...! And so, I'm lonely... A little lonely. Poor little me... There's nobody I can relate to... Feel like a bird in a cage... It's kind of silly, but not really. Because it's filling my body with rage...! I'm the smartest, most clever, most physically fit. But nobody else seems to realize it. When I change the world maybe they'll notice me... Until then, I'll just be lonely... Sigh, a little lonely. Poor little me... I'm so lonely..._

_No wait_, thought Sakaki, _that was from a movie._

"Minamo?"

"Yes grampa?"

"Who is this Gaga person?"

"She makes music," Minamo told her grandfather, "I'm quite a fan of hers."

"But these songs are all in English," said her grandfather, "You don't speak English."

"Yeah well…you don't have to know the language to like the song you know?"

"That would also explain why you have these songs that are in Spanish," said her grandfather, "I know that you can't speak Spanish."

"That's true grampa."

"You never were interested in foreign languages," said her grandfather, "even as a young girl."

"That's pretty apparent," said Yukari.

"Are you still here?" Minamo retorted.

"Don't worry," said Yukari, "I won't say anything that will go over your dumb gym teacher head."

"I'm starting to think that my grandfather's advice on my friends was spot on."

"Why wouldn't you?" asked her grandfather, "Which one of us has more life experience?"

"Well it's just that…."

"That you young people think that all we elderly people do is spew meaningless words from our mouths?"

"No!" said Minamo holding up her hands, "That's not what it was at all."

"Well that's what I think," said Yukari.

Minamo shook her head in despair. Tomo nodded her head in agreement with the grandfather. Then a panicked look came across her face. She raced out the door.

"What's up with her?" asked Yukari.

"She's probably late for work again."

"What is this?" asked Ken.

"I think it's supposed to be a cat."

"But it doesn't have any fur," said Ken, "which makes it look disgusting. Speaking of which why are women in love with cats anyways?"

"That's more of a question you should ask my roommate."  
"Oh really? Is she a cat person?"

"I assume so since she has a cat, not to mention that her room is filled with stuffed animals."

"That's kind of strange," said Ken, "I've never met your roommate before but I don't know anyone who still has stuffed animals…I mean my grandfather had a couple of deer heads over his mantle place but still."

"That's not quite what I meant. I mean the plush ones."

"Oh," said Ken, "I was thinking of something else entirely."

"I'm surprised that you'd consider her to be an avid hunter."

"Well I just thought that stuffed animals were creatures that had been preserved," said Ken.

"What do you call them?"

"Dolls," said Ken, "It's essentially the same thing."

"I see." The woman gave him an interesting look.

"What is it?" asked Ken.

"What's with your hair?"

"Huh?"

"It's so short."

"The damn people cut it wrong," said Ken, "I asked them for finger length, does this look like 'finger length' to you?"

"No," she laughed, "it sure doesn't."

"Yeah."

The two of them looked out over the bay. The sun glistened on the surface of water. The tall buildings around them cast long shadows. Green grass swayed in the gentle breeze. Ken looked at her face, there was something there. He didn't quite know what it was.

"Did you ever find a job?"

"No. My roommate's had to pay all of the bills for three months now. But she never seems to notice the fact that I don't help to pay the bills, so I can get by pretty easily."

"That's kind of cold," said Ken.

Ken looked at her face. There were tears in her eyes. She her head quickly sank into her hands.

"It makes me feel so guilty," sobbed the woman, "I can't stand to feel like I'm only weighing my friend down."

Ken gave her a light smile, "Don't worry," he said, "Summer's coming up soon so you can always find a job related to swimming right?"

"I guess you're right, but that's not for several more weeks."

"In the mean time, you can just keep looking. I'm sure you'll find something." He gave her a brighter smile.

"Thank you." She gave him a hug. He was squished against her. The tight embrace seemed suffocating at first. Ken tried not to squirm too much, but his arms were being crushed. He decided to think about the positive aspects of the situation.

_I'm touching her knockers_, he thought to himself, _awesome._


	14. The Chapter After 13

Yomi sat inside of the apartment. Her eyes were fixed on the computer in front of her. She had been on it for five days now. Well just five minutes really. Though it had seemed like five days, since it hadn't loaded MS Word. The slight humming of the computer's fan filled the empty apartment. The light blue light danced across Yomi's glasses. Her mind was filled with hatred for all of the crap Tomo had loaded onto the computer. She leaned in towards the monitor, still waiting for Word to load onto the screen.

FWOOM

A startled Yomi fell backwards. Her chair slammed against the floor. A frightened look covered Yomi's pale face. She continued to hear the sound, yet for some reason it was quieter. The moderately unattractive woman turned her head towards the source of the noise.

_You've got to be kidding me_. Her gaze lay directly on the air conditioner.

Yomi pushed herself off of the floor. Propping the chair back up, Yomi sat down. She gazed back at the computer screen. Through its light blue light Yomi saw something, something terrible. _Word has encountered a problem and needs to close. Would you like to send an error report?_ With a scream, Yomi ran out of the apartment, ready to kill Tomo for the things she had done to the computer. A crime Yomi could neither forgive nor forget.

In order to get away from her apartment Minamo Kurosawa had gone over to a friend's place. A friend that most weren't aware of. A boy friend, not a boyfriend. The man wasn't very well known, in fact she was his only regular visitor. Knocking on the door of his apartment Minamo hoped that he could help her.

"Hey, Minamo. How's it going?"

"Oh fine, how have you been?"

"Oh good," said the man, "How have you been?"

"I just asked you," said Minamo.

"Oops," said the man, "I guess you're right." He gave her a friendly smile, which she returned. "What made you come over here Minamo?"

"Yukari," said the school teacher, "As well as my grandfather and a former student that won't leave my apartment. She keeps going on about how she's waiting out the next few days since she accidentally put viruses all over the computer she has."

"She's waiting them out at your apartment?"

"Yeah," said Minamo, "She's really gotten along with my grandfather. She doesn't want to go back because her roommate may just beat her up for ruining their computer."

"Well, that certainly is unusual. So did you just come here to get away from Yukari?"

"Pretty much. How's your job downtown going?"

"Not so bad Minamo. As you know I'm pretty busy, what with work and my busy social schedule. I keep getting calls back from girls, they all love me you know."

"Please," said Minamo, "You and I both know that you're _way_ too small to get people to call you back."

The man had a shocked look on his face. This then became a frown as he slumped onto the couch. He shook his head. A slight smile formed on his lips as he looked up at her again.

"Then why did you call back?"

"I forgot one of my textbooks in your dorm," said Minamo, "You remember that don't you?"

"I remember that you came in while I was changing. That was when you said 'No wonder you're still a virgin.' A real classy line if I do say so myself."

"Maybe we should talk about something else," said Minamo, fearing that he might talk about her past.

"What else is there? If I remember correctly you were just as bad as I was."

"Oh shut up," said Minamo, "No one could have been as bad as you were." The comment had left her blushing with anger. There were certain things you could talk about in her opinion. Her love life was not one of them.

That was one thing that no one seemed to get. Back in their college days everyone had thought that they were a couple. No one seemed to understand that the two of them were just good friends. Yukari had always commented on this. Minamo just shook her head, trying to clear it of the painful memories.

"Well, it was nice talking to you Minamo. I need to go now, since I have a date in a little bit."

"No you don't," said Minamo.

"Actually I do."

"Yeah right, who is it?"

"Does it really matter?" asked the man, "I thought you would be happy for me. It seems that I'm getting more action for once."

"Wha-wha?" screeched Minamo, "What makes you think that?"

"That look on your face." He gave her a cheeky smile and a wink.

"Fuck you!" Minamo screamed as she stormed out his apartment.

The man just chuckled to himself as he watched her go. _Just like old times_, he thought to himself. _She's still the same, even after so long._ He heard the screech of tires as Minamo pulled away. Still chuckling to himself he heard a crash.

"Ha!" yelled Minamo, "So much for your old Honda!"

"Wha?"

Minamo flipped him off with a smile as she drove away. The man walked down the flight of concrete steps to survey the damage. Looking at the rear end of his old Civic he wasn't chuckling anymore.

Yomi sat in her apartment as Tomo came through the door.

"You have some explaining to do," Yomi told Tomo.

"Well, I called the tech guy," the officer explained, "But he doesn't work on the weekends, so one of us needs to stay here tomorrow."

"That would be you."

"But I have work!" said the "Wildcat".

"And I have classes," Yomi retorted.

"You skipped over a _month_ of classes," said the "Wildcat Idiot", "What'll happen if you miss one more day?"

"I happen to have an exam tomorrow," said Yomi, "That's something I can't really skip!"

"Oh wait a minute," said Tomo as a sly grin spread across her face. "Don't you have a class with that guy you like tomorrow?"

"Shut up," said Yomi.

"I thought so," Tomo snickered, "Maybe if you switched to contacts you could find the courage to ask him out."

"Tha-that has nothing to do with it!"

"Oh really?" asked Tomo, "Are you going to try that on me again, really?"

"Osaka won't recommend me for contacts because she says that I can't get them out on my own!"

"Yep," Osaka nodded, "That's pretty much essential when it comes to contacts."

"You've been doing this contact thing, for like a month," said Tomo, "When are you going to get them in and out?"

"I don't know," said Yomi, "It's practically impossible to get them in and out."

"Have you ever done those things I asked you to do?" asked Osaka, "The exercises that help you to put in and take out contacts?"

"No."

"Then why are you surprised? It's just like not doing the exercises a chiropractor asks you to do."

"Hey you guys," said Tomo, "I think I have a great idea. We should make, The Azu Teen Humor Force Christmas Special For The Holiday Season Short Film For The Internet."

"Tomo," said Yomi, "That is the worst idea you've ever had."

"No," said Tomo, "The worst idea I've ever had was the time I said that we should try to get knocked up by monkeys at the zoo. We were so friggin' wasted! Do you remember when you barfed into a baby carriage 'cause you thought it was a trash can? And then the baby started crying and you were all like 'Whoa, they have talking trash cans at WacDonalds?' Do you remember that Yomi?"

"I remember that," said Osaka, "I wish that I hadn't videotaped that incident."

"I had the worst hangover after that," said Tomo, "It was not fun trying to explain to the police why I had peed all over the sidewalk."

"Please," said Osaka, "Don't talk about it anymore."

"Will you burn the tapes?"

"That will kill you, and anyone else nearby the fumes."

"Will you throw them away?"

"Oh I did that two years ago," said Osaka, "Why would I hang onto those things? The images were so disgusting. By the way I saw a great video on the Internet."

"Cool," said Tomo, "Let's look it up."

"The computer doesn't work," said Yomi.

"It works," said Tomo, "It's just a little slow."

"Like you."

"Great one, I've never heard that before."

"And your mom."

"Sigh, whatever."

"And your face."

"Are you two going to do that all day?" asked Osaka, "Because I want to get this done today."

"What's this video of anyways?"

"It lists how you can tell if you use the Internet too much."

"You…found this video?" asked Tomo.

"Yep."

"And you watched it?"

"No," said Osaka, "I just favorited it and I'll watch it today."

"You have a YouTube account?" asked Yomi.

"Everyone has a YouTube account." Said the cheerful Osaka.

"Hyperbole!"

"Everyone uses hyperbole once in a while."

"Please," said Ken, "Don't push me over the railing anymore."

"I didn't know you couldn't swim," said the woman, "I'm so sorry."

"Not as sorry as I am," said Ken, "I'm soaked and shivering."

"Come on," said the woman, "Let's get you a shirt somewhere."

"Actually I think I'll just go home," said Ken, "See you…later."

"Don't go," said the woman.

"I'll call you later." And with that Ken walked away.

The woman watched him go. _What have I done now?_ She thought to herself. _Does he hate me?_ She looked down at the ground unsure of what she should do. _I need to make a call._

"Hello?" asked Ken.

"So_…how about going somewhere next Saturday?_"

"Um, sure."

"_Okay, see you at your apartment then._"

Ken heard a dial tone. Then he felt something slam into his back. Unfortunately for him it was an angry crow monster. Those things were becoming a problem in Tokyo, and as Ken ran screaming like a little girl from the bird, he really wished that he could own a shotgun. Though thanks to his poor judgment during adolescence, he barely managed to violate Japanese law enough to be unable to own one.


	15. What?

_How to tell if you use the Internet too much._

_ Number 10: You're reading this list._

"This is the video?" asked Tomo.

"Yep," said Osaka.

"But we're already on number five, '_Not only do you know what Goku vs Superman is, you are an active participant in the debate._'"

"'_Number 1: You use LOL Cats_'?" asked Osaka, "I can't believe that anyone thought this video was '_OMG XD!_'"

"It was a thirty second waste, of the twenty one _years_ I wasted of my life," said Tomo.

"So you're saying that you wasted all of your life?" asked Osaka.

"Yes," said Tomo, "I never should have egged all of my teachers' houses, and my own house as well. Now we should really get to work on the next episode of Azu Teen Humor Force."

"We worked nonstop on that series," said Osaka, "For like a week. And we only got an hour's worth of material."

"Which made four episodes," said Tomo.

"Why are you the one who comes up with the plots for all of them?" asked Yomi, "You've never been very good at that."

"I will make up things as I see fit," said Tomo.

"And why do we always have twenty seconds worth of posing?" asked Yomi, "What will that do?"

"This web series is only popular among pervs," said Tomo, "So each episode needs a certain amount of sex appeal."

"Well maybe if you had some writing talent we could use _jokes_ to entice people into the story!"

"What story?" asked Tomo, "This is a collection of relatively unrelated short videos."

"What we need," said Osaka, "Is to do something cool. We need to go on an adventure and do something!"

"Why don't we just look over this script I came up with for the next episode of Azu Teen Humor Force?"

"Okay," said Osaka, "'_Yomi looks at Tomo._

_Tomo: '[Nervous cough] I love you!' Yomi acts surprised. 'I love you! I love your glasses, your hair, the way you move, I even love the way hit me and tell me off for being an idiot, I love you!' [Pants] '__I've liked you ever since middle school. Why did you think I even entered this school? I was so happy when I got in, and even happier when I was put into you're class. You idiot! Why didn't you notice? Why?' [Voice cracks]. Yomi closes eyes. [Pleads] 'Yomi, look at me, please.' Yomi picks up things and heads past Tomo, stops at door._

_Yomi: 'Generic line of rejection.' Rushes out door._

_Tomo: 'Wait what?'_

_Credits play with the song 'Dancing is Forbidden' in background._' Why did you write this?"

"I don't know," said Tomo, "My brain doesn't work so good."

"I thought that the 'Azu Teens' were out of high school," said Yomi.

"Well they are," said Tomo.

"And I thought that they didn't meet 'Yomi' until they immigrated to the US."

"That's right," said Tomo.

"So…?"

"So what?"

"Yeah," said Osaka, "This script doesn't make a whole lot of sense. I mean it calls like…the main constants in the series into question. And what's up with the whole 'Generic line of rejection?'"

"I thought that it sounded funny," said Tomo.

"Actually it does," said Yomi, "It might just be the first, and last, time that you make up something that's any good."

"Okay," said Tomo, "Just for that I'm not staying here tomorrow to wait for the tech guy."

"But then how will I use the Internet?" asked Yomi.

"The computer still works," Osaka pointed out. "It's just a little slow is all."

"A little slow?" asked Yomi, "It took us fifteen minutes to open up Internet Explorer!"

"Patience is a good thing to have," said Tomo, "By the way, why is the chair broken?"

"I was frightened by the air conditioner," said Yomi, "I nearly pissed myself."

"That is so lame," said Tomo, "It's about as unexpected as the fact that I've been attending work, more than you've been attending school."

"Have you been going to classes?" asked Osaka.

"Uh, kinda."

"Well I always attend my classes," said Osaka, "And luckily I only have a couple of them!"

"Well," said Tomo, "I think we can all safely agree that—"

"Oh my God!" said Kagura as she ran into Tomo and Yomi's apartment. "You will _not _believe what just happened."

"What just happened?"

"Coach has a boyfriend!"

"What?" Everyone was surprised by this new information. They had all thought that Minamo was…you know. Then again Kaorin wasn't a…ahem, so maybe they weren't so surprised.

"How did your date go?" asked Osaka.

"It didn't go anywhere," said Kagura, "I arrived an hour late and he wasn't there."

"That's Giganto Breasts for ya," said Tomo, "Stupid and lazy as always."

"Who's Minamo's boyfriend?" asked Yomi.

"Well, I don't really know," said Kagura, "But I think they're a couple since they were having lunch together. I called Ken up, but he didn't answer his phone."

"Why is it that I never get dates?" asked Yomi, "Even Minamo gets more dates than I do!"

"You never leave the apartment," said Tomo, "I'm the one who always goes out to buy groceries and shampoo and things; and then you're always complaining about how I didn't buy the right stuff! Would it kill you to just go get the stuff yourself?"

"I give you a list," said Yomi, "I even write down the brands and amounts! How is it that you _always_ get the wrong things from the store?"

"Isn't anyone going to ask what I did instead of going on my date?" asked Kagura.

"I'll bite," said Osaka, "What did you do?"

"I came over here…with some airsoft supplies!" Kagura lifted up several plastic bags. "So what are we going to do this Friday?"

"Sleep," said Osaka, "That's what I'm going to do."

"Oh come on! I just spent close to 300,000 on BBs and face masks!"

"None of us have airsoft guns," said Yomi.

"Actually I do," said Tomo, lifting up an AK-47. "And it will tear you…apart."

"Yeah right," said Kagura, "My M4 AEG will rip that thing to shreds!"

"Oh yeah?"

"475 FPS with .2 gram BBs says so!"

"Dang," Tomo commented, "That's pretty good. Though it won't matter since I have a whole bunch of high capacity mags."

"What are they talking about?" asked Osaka.

"They're in their own little world," Yomi responded.

"Hi-cap mags are good," said Kagura, "But they won't be enough to save you and your little 370 FPS AK!"

"Oh yeah?" asked Tomo, "RPM on this thing is over 600!"

"Mine is more accurate," said Kagura, "But I'll probably just use my HK 416 by Jing Gong."

"Mine is by Tokyo Marui," said Tomo, "It's a superior brand."

"True," said Kagura, "But against me it won't matter." At that moment her phone rang. However, unlike the phones of her friends it was just a ringing noise. Kagura lifted the phone up to her ear.

"Hello?"

"_I did something terrible_."

"Sakaki?"

"_Yeah it's me._"

"What happened?"

"_I met this guy, and his name is Ken._"


	16. What's Minamo Reaching For?

"You met someone named Ken?"

"_Yes_," Sakaki sobbed.

"And that is important why?"

"_I think that it's the same Ken you like_," said Sakaki, "_And, and, I like him too!_" Kagura heard more sobbing over the phone.

"So you _think_ it's Ken."

"_Yes..._"

"Do you have a cell phone picture or something?"

"_No._"

"And you've never seen Ken," said Kagura, "So there's no way for you to know if it really was Ken."

"_He said that he had been waiting for someone and, I've never gone on a date before._"

"You're twenty one years old," said Kagura, "and you haven't been on a date before today?"

"_It's not something I talk about_," Sakaki admitted, "_It's actually kind of embarrassing_."

"It's also a little unusual," said Kagura, "I'm at Yomi's right now—"

"That's Tomo's! I'm the one who pays for the apartment, and everything else!"

"It's worked out quite nicely for me," said Yomi.

"Anyways," said Kagura, as Tomo and Yomi began to fight, "We can deal with this problem late—"

"_But the thing is, I made myself sound like you!_"

"Why did you do that?"

"_Well when he first told me his name, I was pretty sure that it was the same guy. The worst part about this whole thing is_," Sakaki sobbed, "_I didn't care!_"

"When was this?"

"_About thirty seconds ago. He seemed to like something about you so…sniff, I pretended to be you. I said that I didn't have a cat, and that I didn't have stuffed animals in my room. I said that I was an accomplished swimmer, and then I shoved him into the water. I said that I hadn't helped to pay the bills in... Wait a second. You haven't helped to pay for anything!_" Kagura held the phone away from her ear. "_Here I am feeling bad about something when I've had to pay for everything for almost three months now!_"

"It's not my fault!" said Kagura, "No one wants to hire me!"

"_Really?_"

"Let me rephrase that, no one who I want to work for wants to hire me."

"_You need to start paying for something!_"

"Well the only job offer I keep getting is from that man whose house burned down, because he wants me to look after 'Junior!'"

"_What's Junior?_"

"I am _not_ going to talk about that creep right now," said Kagura, "Let's just say that there's a reason his wife is filing for divorce."

"_You slept with him?_"

"Hell no," said Kagura, "He's like forty five! I'm not that desperate."

"_What should we do about Ken? He gave me his address._"

"Oh hey," said Tomo, bleeding slightly from her nose. "Where did Osaka go?"

"I went to the bathroom, you three need to pay more attention."

"You guys need to be quiet," said Kagura, "I'm on the phone. Yeah just come over here, we'll talk later," said Kagura, in a dramatic way like Bishop did in Rainbow Six.

"What did Sakaki call about?"

"She thinks that she went on a date with Ken."

"What?"

"But I'm not gonna worry about it until I see some proof," said Kagura, "If I've learned anything about random phone calls, it's that you should never assume things about them."

"But you never get phone calls," said Tomo.

"Well…it doesn't really matter," said Kagura, "The point is that I'm not just going to think everything I just heard is true. Besides, it's not a big deal really."

"That reminds me," said Yomi, "Hasn't this day seemed to take a while?"

"Take a while?"

"I mean doesn't it seem longer than normal?"

"Not really," said Osaka, "It's gone by kinda fast."

"What makes you say that?" asked Yomi.

"Well I woke up three hours ago, and it's four o'clock now. So that means I only have four more hours till I can sleep again," Osaka said with a smile.

"When did you go to bed last night?"

"At nine PM, I guess I was just tired."

"Let's wait for Sakaki to get here," said Kagura.

"But we're not going anywhere," said Tomo.

"We're not?" screamed Osaka and Kagura.

"No…."

"Bullocks!"

"What is that?"

"I don't know," said Kagura, "But Ghost said it in Modern Warfare 2 so it must mean something."

The four of them waited for Sakaki to arrive. They watched TV. They played solitaire. They played chess. They played go. They complained about how Tomo only had a Wii. They even picked up a book, so they could level off one of the chairs. Yet after fifteen minutes of waiting, Sakaki had yet to arrive…and then one minute later she did.

"I'm sorry," Sakaki told Kagura as they sat at Tomo and Yomi's table.

"But we still haven't confirmed that it really was Ken."

"I remember seeing him at the 7 Eleven," said Sakaki, "And now I feel terrible."

"There were a lot of people at 7 Eleven that day," said Kagura, "I mean there were like, eight. That's probably a world record for 7 Eleven."

"I'm surprised that you're taking this so well Kagura," said Tomo.

"It's because I'm pissed off!" yelled Kagura as she slammed her fist into the table. "Ow!" she screamed as she hopped up and down in pain. "That no good, two timing son of a—" It was at that moment that Kagura saw the address that Sakaki had been given. "This address is fake."

"Really?"

"Which means it definitely is Ken!" screamed Kagura, "He did the same damn thing to me!"

"This address isn't fake," said Yomi, "It's for an office building downtown."

"Weird," said Kagura, "Now if you'll excuse me, I have some…things to do."

"Like what?"

"Sabotage Tomo's airsoft gun for starters," she said under her breath.

"Huh?"

"And I also need to buy Halo: Reach."

"What about what happened today?"

"I've gotten over it."

"That doesn't sound like you."

"There's a reason for that I'm sure."

"And what would that reason be?" asked Osaka.

"That I've grown up, maybe Tomo should do the same."

"That was the best apology lunch I've had in a while."

Minamo stared at the table, embarrassed. _Why did I ram into his car? He's my friend._ She looked up to see him smiling. There was something comforting in his smile. Then she noticed that he held something in his right hand.

"You can pay the bill."

"Listen, Kurt?"

"Yes Minamo?"

"I need your help with something."

"What is it?"

"I'm sorry."

"You need help with your apology?" said Kurt, "I'm not mad, but I'm also not very happy about this you know."

"It's not the apology I need help with, but, maybe you can help me with something," said Nyamo.

"Yukari? Sorry but I burned that bridge when I got to it," Kurt said with a smile.

She shook her head. "That's not what I meant." Minamo didn't meet his gaze for a moment. "Never mind," she said, looking up, "It's not important." She focused on the table again.

"If you say so," said Kurt, "But while we're out why don't we go somewhere? It'll be just the two of us," Minamo looked up at him, "And whoever else is at the store I want to go to." Minamo sighed. "It's not like I can go there on my own," said Kurt, "What with both of my tail lights out."

"It's okay," said Minamo, "Let's just go now okay?"

"Sure," said Kurt, "I'll even pay part of the bill."

"Where are we going anyways?" asked Minamo as they got into the car.

"We're going to go buy Halo: Reach," said Kurt, "I didn't want to stay up for the midnight release, but I do want the exclusive content of the legendary edition."

"You want me to buy you a videogame?"

"No," said Kurt, "I just need you to drive me over there. You already bought me lunch, I can pay for this myself."

_And that's what I like about him_, thought Kurosawa, _he doesn't sponge off of me._

Minamo stood next to Kurt in the electronics store. She wasn't particularly thrilled to be seen next to someone who was fawning over an assortment of Xbox games. Strangely enough there were no other customers in the store. They were all alone.

_Maybe I should tell him now. _Minamo looked at Kurt as he tried to contact a sales representative. _I mean, my mother stopped sending me dates a year ago. I need to do _something_, don't I?_

"Coach?"

Kagura was surprised to see her old teacher. Well she was simply surprised that Minamo was at a store that catered to gamers. She saw someone else looking around the store. _Oh, I know why she's here now._

"Is this part of your date?"

"What date?" asked Minamo. _I'm so confused! Kagura and Kurt are in the same room, this should be a dream come true but it isn't!_

"Isn't he your boyfriend?"

Visibly Minamo cringed. Kurt hadn't seemed to hear Kagura's comment. He seemed to be ignoring her, in favor of finding someone who could unlock the stand. The school teacher sighed in silent frustration.

"He's not my boyfriend Kagura."

"But I saw you two eating lunch together. And I told everyone that he was your boyfriend," said Kagura, "Your grandfather was particularly happy to hear that. He said that it wouldn't be too long till he had great grandchildren."

"Grampa said that?" asked Minamo, "Can't he just _think_ those things instead of saying them?"

"Then why are you two here?"

"I rammed into the back of his car."

"That's why you took him to lunch?" asked Kagura, "To apologize?"

"Not just that," said Minamo, "I also wanted to tell him something."

"Tell me what?" asked Kurt.

"No-nothing," Minamo lied.

"You've been saying that a lot lately. Who's your friend?"

"I'm Kagura, I thought you two were a—"

"Oh hey!" said Minamo, "Why did you come here Kagura?" asked Minamo. "And why were you going to say something that you might have regretted saying?" she asked under her breath.

"Um, I came here to buy Halo: Reach, and pre-order Call of Duty: Black Ops."

"That's why I came here, my name's Kurt. Though I haven't seen a salesclerk since I came into this store."

"Sorry about that," said a man as he came out of the bathroom. "We're a little understaffed at the moment."

"Why is that?"

"They're probably all off playing Halo: Reach," said the man, "So what brings you here sir?"

"Can I get that legendary edition back there?"

"Certainly," said the salesclerk, "Let's just bring it to the register."

"Um, do you mind if I carry it over there?" asked Kurt.

"Not at all," said the man, "We get this kind of thing all the time."

"Are there any more of those?" asked Kagura.

"Yep," said the clerk, "There's one left."

"I'll take it," said Kagura.

"Okay, just let me ring him up first."

Minamo watched as Kurt carried the dark grey box towards the checkout counter. She saw that Kurt was trying his best to suppress a huge smile. Kagura seemed to have a jealous look in her eye as the box was scanned. Minamo covered her eyes with her hand as she shook her head in disappointment, when she heard Kurt giggle with glee.

"I'm _so_ happy right now," said Kurt as he put the box into Minamo's trunk. "Thanks for taking me here Minamo."

"You're welcome," she said, "where to now?"

"Where else?" Kurt said rhetorically, "My apartment!"


	17. Krazyness

In the dark room two people sat side by side. Tomo and Kagura's lips were pressed together. The sound of deep passionate kisses filled the air. Their tongues sloshed around. One of them placed her hand on the dark fabric covering the other's chest. She felt the small soft mass, rubbing it vigorously. Outside the moon shone down upon the Earth.

"Uh, Yomi…did you write this?"

"Yeah."

"Uh, why?" asked Tomo.

"An author's whims are ephemeral," said Yomi, "She chooses her topic as quickly as the wind shifts through the tallest reeds."

"But…why did you write that?"

"I just said that—"

"No," said Tomo, "I mean why did you choose to put in me and Kagura?"

"You mean 'Kagura and I'—"

"Damn it, shut the hell up."

"Well if you'd like to know why…." Yomi paused. "Well?"

"I don't really care anymore," said Tomo, "I'll just tell that guy the truth about you."

"Huh?" Yomi was puzzled, "What would that be?"

"That you're a homosexual."

"I'm not."

"Well you could have fooled me," said Tomo, "Just quit saying these things about me, alright?"

"Yeah, sure."

But as the "Wildcat" walked away Yomi smiled. _Stupid Tomo_, the woman cackled, _When have I ever listened to you?_ It was then that Yomi remembered that she had another appointment, scheduled for today…twenty minutes ago!

"Hello Ken."

"Oh," said the dark haired man, "It's you."

"Happy to see me?"

"Kind of," said Ken.

"Why did you do it?" asked Kagura, "Why did you go out with her?"

"We had one date," said Ken, "And we talked _twice_ after that date was over. When you didn't show up for our date, I just assumed that you had lost interest."

"I did show up!"

"When?"

"An hour late!" she responded.

"Well that explains why I didn't see you," said Ken, "I left with her after a half an hour."

"Why did you go with her?"

"Oh I don't know," said Ken, "Maybe it was because I felt like you stood me up? Or maybe it was because she was fun to be around? Maybe it was the fact that she was sitting all alone and I just figured that I might as well sit with her? Or maybe it was because the first thing she said to me wasn't 'Koreans are scum'?"

"I thought we got over that," said Kagura.

"I just thought I'd bring it up."

"You're such an ass."

"How?" asked Ken, "You were the one who didn't show up on time. You were the one who didn't put enough value into our short relationship to show up before I left in disgust. I met someone who seems to be at least a little bit more punctual. Maybe this'll work out."

"So you're saying that it was all because of me?"

"No," said Ken, "What I'm saying is that I don't think we really click, you know what I mean?"

"And you think you 'click' better with my roommate?"

"That's who she is?" asked Ken, "You mean that you were the one who had to pay for all of the expenses for the past two months? That's rough."

"Uh…no, actually it's the other way around."

"Oh, so why did she say that?"

"She told me that she wanted you to like her," said Kagura, "And she thought that you liked me, so she pretended to be me."

"Well, that's a tad unusual," said Ken, "But she didn't have to do that. She could have just told me the truth."

"Did you like me?" asked Kagura.

"Yes, and I still do. But it seems that you don't like me anymore."

"Shows what you know." She walked off. The door slammed as her tanned frame left the office building.

_Aw shit_, thought Ken,_ what did I do now?_

"Can you hold this Minamo?"

"What?"

"I need help assembling the Legendary statue," said Kurt.

"That's what this is?" asked Minamo, "It looks like a plastic rock with robots."

"Those are Spartans. These four are Spartan Threes and this one, Jorge, is a Spartan Two."

"What's the difference?" asked Minamo.

"Well you see Spartan Threes are more abundant but are also weaker than Spartan Twos. And the Spartan Twos are also more expensive to make," Kurt informed her.

"So are they robots or not?"

"They're not robots," said Kurt, "They're super soldiers with cybernetic armor."

"Kurt," Minamo frowned, "We've had this discussion about how I don't understand nerd talk before. Can you say it in normal people language?"

"I did."

"Kurt."

"I just need you to put the weapons on them," said Kurt.

"Can't you do it yourself?" asked Minamo.

"It's hard."

"Oh fine." As Minamo pushed the plastic pieces into shape, she wondered what it was that she saw in this man. Sure he was nice, friendly, had a job; but he was also so damn useless when it came to just about everything.

"Thanks," said Kurt as Minamo clicked in Jorge's chaingun.

"You're welcome," said Minamo. Inwardly she groaned. _Why is he so lame?_ She cried inside her head. _I love him!_

"You want to play with me?"

"I have work," said Minamo.

"I thought this was a break," said Kurt, "So if it is why can't you stay and play Halo with me?"

"It is break but…." The woman was torn. Part of her wanted to leave in disgust over this whole Halo incident. Yet part of her wanted to stay next to him just…because.

Kagura felt something tightly pinch her buttocks. She looked down to see her lover, smiling up at her. The two of them moved over towards the couch. Sheltered, by the warmth of each other's touch; in the cold of the apartment.

_Damn it_, thought Tomo, _Oh well._

"Hey," said Kagura, "What is that?"

"It's used to glaze things." Tomo then set the paper on fire, before shoving it into a sink filled with water. Kagura coughed as the black smoke billowed upwards. She tried to fan the noxious gas away from her face. Tomo on the other hand tried to fan the smoke away from the fire detector, to keep it from going off.

"This game is great!" said Kurt, "Do want something to drink?"

"Yeah I'd like a soda," said Minamo.

"Okay."

As Kurt got up from the couch, he slipped. He somehow landed on top of Minamo. The two of them lay on the floor. Minamo looked at her friend, a shocked expression on her face. She then reached up with both hands, pressing her lips against his.


	18. The Chapter Before 19

The dial tone filled her ear. Now was the time for action. _Come on, come on. Pick up already!_ A click.

"_Hello?_"

"Hey Kaorin, what are you doing?"

"_I'm at work_."

"Well get over here," said Kagura, "I want to play with you."

"_You bought Halo Reach?_" asked Kaorin.

"Yes!" said an excited Kagura, "I want to get the campaign done right away!"

"_That's great but, some of us have jobs. And I don't think I can just take a day off after what happened not too long ago_."

"Oh yeah," said Kagura, "The tac-apalypse."

"_Yeah_," her friend said over the phone, "_So I'll come by later. Is three o'clock good?_"

"Three o'clock is great," said Kagura, "I'll just play matchmaking until you get over here."

"_You're at home?_"

"Yeah I'm unemployed remember?"

"_I forgot. I need to get back to work now, bye._"

Click

"Okay, time to pop in the disc." The light green filled Kagura with anticipation. _The first thing I'm going to do is download the special content. I need to have Recon!_ The loading screen popped up on the TV screen. The silver and green sphere hovered above the words Xbox 360. But a shocking message followed.

_An update?_ _Is it for Reach?_ Kagura pressed the 'A' button. A new message appeared on the screen, followed by _cannot connect to Xbox LIVE_. _What the heck?_ Kagura tried again. _Downloading update, this may take several minutes, your Xbox may restart after update is complete._

The white bar slowly dragged across the screen. Kagura tried to wait out the update, but it seemed to take forever. _How much longer will it be?_ _How long until I can play Halo?_

"What are you doing?" asked Sakaki.

"Updating the Xbox."

"Are you going to play Reach?"

"Yeah," said Kagura, "But I'm only gonna do matchmaking until Kaorin gets here. Unless of course you want to want play campaign. Wanna finish the fight?"

"Wrong game."

"Oh yeah. I can't believe that I made that mistake."

The TV went black. From the blackness a new screen appeared. As soon as the main menu popped up Kagura hit the guide button. She flicked through the blades until she reached marketplace.

"You're getting Recon and the flaming helmet?"

"Yep," said Kagura, "That's why I bought the Legendary Edition!"

"What about the statue?"

"Ebay."

"What?" said Sakaki, "You could just give it to me!"

"I actually do want the statue," said Kagura, "I was just joking when I said that I didn't want it."

"Your downloads are complete," said Sakaki, "Let's start this mother."

"Wahaha," cried Tomo, "I'm fired?"

"No," said the Chief, "You've just been laid off. There's a difference, since if you're only laid off we don't have to change our records. It's a win win situation."

"For who?"

"Us."

"What am I supposed to do during my downtime?" asked the "Wildcat".

"You can still be a police officer," said the Chief, "It's just that now you can do it for free, and without back up."

"How long do you think it'll be before she realizes that today is April first?"

"It shouldn't be too long. She can't be that dumb."

"I knew it!" said a relieved Tomo, "I knew that the department wouldn't drop me!"

"But we are decreasing your pay."

"Ah crap."

_Damn it_, thought Yomi, _stupid Tomo blew up something in the microwave._ When the young woman had walked into the kitchen for breakfast, she had seen a Post It on the refrigerator. _Oops. Can u clean it?_ Mizuhara shook her head. _What am I, her maid?_ She opened the microwave door to find black and red encrusted onto the walls and plate. Yomi tried to scrape it off with her fingernail, but the burned substance would not budge.

Sighing to herself, the woman reached into the fridge for some breakfast. _Pizza again_, she thought grabbing herself a slice. She placed it onto a paper plate, which she then stuck into the microwave. A foul stench filled the air as smoke billowed out of the small contraption. Mizuhara pulled her pizza out of the microwave, which now tasted slightly like pickles.

_What did she put in there?_ Then again when it came to her roommate, some things were better left unsaid. Like the time the toilet had exploded.

"Oh my god," said Kagura, "This map sucks."

"You're just bad at melee," said Sakaki, "That's why you don't like Sword Base."

"No," said Kagura, "I don't like Sword Base, because it's hard to get around on this map without a jetpack!"

"Then why don't you grab one?" asked Sakaki.

"I like sprint more," said Kagura. "I think that the main reason I'm doing so bad is that I'm just not used to the multiplayer yet. I mean we've been playing for two hours, but I have yet to perform one of those awesome melee attacks. And this is the only map I don't like to play on."

"Well you're going to like it even less," said Sakaki.

"Why?"

"I just stuck you."

A blue explosion filled the TV screen.

"_Game over_."

"Wha, what just happened?"

"Huh?"

"What did you just do?"

"I didn't do anything."

"You, you, you kissed me!"

"I just felt like it," said Minamo.

"But, you're like my sister!"

"Hwha? You don't have a sister Kurt!"

"You're what I imagine my sister to be…if she actually existed."

"Can't you think of me in a different way?" asked Kurosawa. "I mean, we are adults Kurt. We can have a relationship."

"Let's just go back to playing Halo," said Kurt, "I do some of my best thinking while I'm playing games."

"Okay," said Minamo, "I'm going."

"So soon?"

"Yeah," said Nyamo, "I just remembered that I have to take my grandfather to the doctor."

"Okay," said Kurt, "I'll see you later then."

Minamo walked out of her friend's apartment. She looked back at his door. _What am I going to do with you?_


	19. The Noblest Chief

"Oh no, oh no, oh no."

"Aw crap. We just got teabagged again."

"Curse you teabagging n00bs!"

"_Lol, I gun raep ur facz sum moar._"

"Oh you've got to be kidding me!" said Kagura, "We're losing to him?"

"I think so," said Kaorin as another lol filled their ears, "it sucks doesn't it?"

"But how can we lose to him?"

"We might still beat him, he can't shoot and he's out of rockets and grenades." Kaorin gripped the controller tightly. "We just might have a chance."

"What do you mean _might_?" asked Kagura, while she clicked the right stick in, "I just killed him with the DMR. How do you like my balls in your face?"

"Kagura you don't have balls," said Kaorin, "…Do you?"

"Does it matter—wait, I mean no."

"_Oh my god u noobs r raping mai buetiful body. What the fuck r rong wth u? How you kill me?_"

"I did fast, I did it hard, and then I called you retard, retard!"

"_You're so mean._"

"What?"

"_I'm not a retard._"

"_Hoe my god who r winey bitch kid?_"

"Wow," said Kaorin, "This guy is a real dick."

"Sakaki," said Kagura, "Where are you? The TV turned off on its own and I can't get it back on!"

"No way!" said the black haired woman, "Are you serious?"

"Yomi," said Tomo, "Did you remember to let in the tech guy to fix the computer?"

_Crap_, thought Yomi, who had gone to class for the second time that month. _I was too busy thinking about him, that wonderful boy! Then again I was also thinking about all of the movie stars that I would ever want to date. Why is life so difficult?_ She looked down at her phone. _Oh crap, I'm being flamed again._

"Yomi."

_This is the third time this week. Why do I keep getting flamed?_

"Yomi?"

_I wrote that stupid story forever ago. So why do I still get all of these negative comments about it? Can't people get a—_

"Yomi! WHAT ARE YOU DOING?"

"GOD DAMN IT I WAS THINKING YOU MORON!"

"Stop screaming," said Tomo, "Did you meet with the tech guy today?"

"No, I went to class."

"I bet you only went to one class."

"What are you saying?" asked Yomi.

"I'm saying that you aren't very good at hiding stuff from me, you leave your diary on your bed every morning."

"Wha-wha? You've read my diary?"

"Yes," Tomo rolled her eyes, "Why else would I have mentioned your diary?"

"That book is supposed to be private!" Yomi couldn't believe that her roommate had fingered through her…diary. Though when she reflected on what had happened, she wasn't very surprised. _How much does she know?_

"Why is your diary so emo?" asked Tomo.

"Emo?"

"Yeah, you keep writing about how you feel despair and stuff. It's the most emo thing since those fanfics of _Twilight_!"

"My diary is not emo! How could you even suggest such a thing?" asked Yomi, "Especially when you left the microwave encrusted with a black flaky substance?"

"It was only dried curry," said Tomo, "That's besides the point, do you need help, Yomi? Do you need support?"

"I'm not emo—"

"Because we can find you support," said Tomo, "Is it school? Are your classes too hard? Is it your social life? Do you feel uncomfortable around men?"

"Shut up, shut up, shut up! I don't need five people treating me like someone who's on the edge!"

"Five?"

"You, my mom, my dad, my gramma, my other dad."

"You have two dads?"

"No, idiot."

"Oh my god," said Kaorin, "Jorge…dies?" She then felt tears flow from her eyes, as her favorite Spartan disappeared, giving his life to preserve Reach. As the two friends rejoiced for seemingly completing the game, they heard a disheartening sound. "There are more ships? So Jorge…gave his life for nothing. Sniff, it's just not fair!"

"It's too bad that he wasn't any good in a fire fight," said Kagura, "That would have made him a little more memorable. Either way, this game is hard."

"I know," said Kaorin, "The Legendary description isn't kidding. Every time you try to punch an elite in the face you get hammered by it! We've seriously been playing that last checkpoint over and over again for thirty minutes. Oh what's this? The Covenant are invading a city, one filled with children?"

"Yeah I saw your Facebook," said Kagura, "It seems a little generic that you want to become a teacher."

"Generic?"

"Yeah, like everyone wants to be one of three careers: teacher, police officer, fireman." Kagura looked at the screen again. "Isn't Noble Six just awesome?"

"Yeah," said Kaorin, "I wish he was mine."

"But, I made my Noble Six a girl. I bet Noble Six could beat up Master Chief."

"They're both so dreamy," said Kaorin, "But I think Noble Six would win."

"No," said Osaka, "Master Chief would totally win, he's a Spartan II. How can a Spartan III beat a stronger, faster, more experienced Spartan II?"

"Osaka is right," said Sakaki, "Master Chief would wipe the floor with Noble Six."

"No freakin' way," said Kagura, "How can my own roommate say something like that? Noble Six can kill an Ultra with a single melee, can Master Chief do that?"

"Master Chief can fully regenerate his health, can Noble Six do that?"

"Noble Six didn't have to have another player character to deal with, can Master Chief claim the same?"

"Master Chief is the best Spartan."

"Noble Six is listed as hyper-lethal, just like Master Chief."

"Master Chief doesn't have reticule bloom."

"Noble Six can use armor lock."

"The Chief can wait."

"Noble Six would throw a sticky grenade onto Chief."

"Chief would smack Noble Six with a gravity hammer."

"Oh yeah? Well…Noble Six has Recon!"

"And that gives him super strength?"

"You mean her…and it gives her ninja powers."

"Ninjas suck, pirates are the best."

"You lie! Ninjas would totally own pirates!"

"Prove it!"

"You can't, it's impossible!" said Kagura, "Ninjas don't exist anymore!"

"And pirates do," said Osaka, "And therein lies the answer."

"Yomi, what are you doing?"

"Typing on the computer," she told her friend.

"I thought you couldn't because it was too slow," said Tomo, "Anyways…we're buying a new one!"

"Really? Why?"

"I just learned that I can get a new computer that's five times as fast as this one, for only two thirds of the price!"

"But that's the same speed this one normally has," said Yomi, "So why don't you just pay to have this one fixed?"

"I already bought it," said Tomo, "It's in the kitchen."

"Why is our kitchen so far away from the computer room?" asked Yomi. "It's so hard to just spend a day surfing the Internet with the computer not being close to the fridge."

"Yomi," said Tomo, "When are you gonna get a life?"

"I have a life Tomo!" _That stupid idiot_, thought Yomi, _can't she just be nice to me?_

"Yomi," said Tomo, "All the time you spend sheltered in this apartment is starting to worry me. Your skin is starting to become as pale as those vampires you keep writing about."

"My skin is not turning that white," said Yomi.

"Oh really?" asked Tomo, "Because from what I can see you'll get a sunburn if you walk by the window."

Yomi responded to this by grabbing Tomo's neck in both hands. Fortunately for Tomo, Yomi's hands were really slippery from all of the pizza she had eaten.

"Sniff." Minamo looked at the ground in despair. "What am I supposed to do?"


	20. The Comeback Chapter

"Oh hey Yukari, I just thought up a new idea for a song!"

"But Nyamo, our sponsor dropped us, remember?"

"But if we can come up with something good, maybe they'll add us back on. Now check this!" Minamo pushed the play button on the device she'd brung.

A catchy tune began to play. Yukari felt that she'd heard it before somewhere but she wasn't sure. All she did know was that the beat was good and that was even more important than the lyrics which kicked in—

"_She'll make you drink water while she orders French champagne!_

Once you've had to deal with her you'll wonder why you don't take away your pain,

With a bullet to her brain!

Oh crap what is it now?

She'll drive you loca!

With her crazy antics wow,

She'll drive you loca!

Yeah!

She'll drive you loca!"

"Hmm," Yukari pressed the pause button, "why does that sound so familiar?"

"It sounds familiar? I just drew inspiration from a collection of Latin music," said Nyamo, "do you like it?"

"Yeah, do you think it'll sell?"

"I sure hope it does." _Maybe Kurt will like me if I can make a song that tops the charts! Or maybe I should just push my boobs in his face— Kwha? What the Hell did I just think?_

"Hey Nyamo, Earth to Nyamo!"

"What is it now?"

"I think your grandfather is calling you."

_Oh crap. I forgot to buy groceries!_ "Grampa, what is it?"

"Why do you have so many pictures of these two?"

"Don't ask me those kinds of questions!"

"Minamo, why are you blushing?"

"I don't want to talk about it!"

"Heh, heh."

"Oh no, what are you thinking Yukari?" Kurosawa cried.

The language teacher snatched up the photographs. "Now I have some more black mail material!"

"Stop it, stop it, stop it!"

"Minamo," said her grandfather, "you need to get some better friends."

"Ah! Nothing like going out on the town, right?"

"Yep Kaorin," said Kagura, "there's nothing quite like going on an exploration of sorts." She smiled at her friend but then she started to cry.

"What's wrong Kagura?"

"That 7-11 reminds me of Ken."

"You know what's weird? That you became so attached to someone you only had one date with."

"Quiet!" Kagura snapped, "you don't understand it at all!"

_I sure don't_, Kaorin thought, _I've dealt with weird stuff before but I think this takes the cake._

Kagura's sniffling stopped. "Wanna get some pizza?"

"O-kay," Kaorin's voice in awe. _Wasn't she just crying her eyes out ten seconds ago?_

"Why do you have that look on your face?"

"What look?" asked Kaorin.

"That look that makes it seem as if you're staring at something crazy."

"No reason."

"Hey Osaka," said Tomo, "what are you up to you devious little girl?"

"What are you talking about Tomo?"

"What are you eating?" Tomo asked.

"Oh this?" Osaka looked down at her bowl, "just some pickles."

"Oh," Tomo smirked, "you're eating pickles? Would you like some ice cream with those?"

"That doesn't sound very tasty," said Osaka, "why would I want to eat ice cream with pickles?"

"Just answer the question for once!"

"But I did!"

"Oh yeah, silly me!"

"Ya want one?" Osaka asked her hyperactive friend.

"Uh," Tomo stuttered, staring at the pickle held in front of her. "Why is it so big?"

"It's big?" Osaka seemed confused, "have you even seen a pickle before?"

"Not the vegetable kind."

Osaka's mouth dropped, nearly to the floor. "Wha-are you high?"

"What are you talking about? I'm a police officer!"

"What are you idiots arguing about now?" asked Yomi as she walked into the room.

"What's the matter Yomi? Did that guy say no to going to the park with you?" Tomo asked, her hands clasped together by the side of her head in mock anticipation.

"Shut your damn trap! It's none of your business any—!"

"So he did say no?"

Osaka swore she could hear bones being grinded down as Yomi shook with pure rage.

"I told you before, it's none of your damn business!"

"Haha, rejection!"

"He said he was busy!"

"Rejection, rejection, you got rejected!"

"I'll kill you!"

"Like Hell," said Tomo, "I learned how to do karate at the police academy. It's not like when we were in high school."

"You know, I think I would like some ice cream," said Osaka.

"Oh," Tomo smirked, "dirty little Osaka wants some ice cream with her pickles."

"But I already ate the pickles. What do pickles have to do with anything?"

"You're pregnant!"

Osaka raised an eyebrow, "what are you talking about? I'm not pregnant."

"You're not? But then why were you eating pickles?"

"They're tasty."

"Not the ones I tried."

"Tomo," said Yomi, "please shut up right now."

"You can't silence me!" she pointed her sword-finger at Yomi, "I do whatever I want!"

"You must have been pretty terrible. That guy never called you back or anything," Yomi trolled.

"Shut your mouth!" Tomo screamed. Yomi snickered in response while Tomo raged.

"Hey Yomi, did you ever get those contacts in?"

"Eh." Yomi snapped out of delighted snickering at Osaka's question. "Not...really."


	21. Tomaoi Tomo's Creativity!

The air stirred to life as an angry orange shirted scream filled it with rage. In front of Naruto stood, him. He stood there with his stupid orange hair, his stupid sword, his stupid emo scowl, his stupid look of bored anger. Naruto's fists sqeezed into hardened resolve. To think that people compared the two of them. Even saying that he was the weaker of the two! Didn't they know about all of the struggles he'd gone through? Didn't they realize that he'd learned to control the power of the Ninetales, mastered rasengan, raishuriken, and stopped the Akatsuki with only his anger and determination? To think that he'd be smacked aside by anyone, did they hate him? Slits appeared in Naruto's red eyes.

"I'll crush you like a bug!"

A blue orb of chakra formed around Naruto's palm. With a cry he charged the figure in front of him. The enemy simply increased the size of his scowl. Naruto's teeth tipped into the primordial fangs of an animal. The blue ball rushed towards the enemy's chest. A swirling, condensed hurricane of death.

"_Please_."

Naruto's eyes widened in shock as he turned to see the orange haired man behind him. The scowler had a hand firmly attached to Naruto's wrist.

_How did he move so fast?_

The orange haired man had a hand on Naruto's wrist. Naruto's ears filled with his angry growl as his arm shook with the effort, of not moving.

"Oh, are you trying to break free?" the man asked, concerned about the growls that poured out of Naruto's throat.

With a scream and a sharp yank Naruto ripped his arm free of the enemy's strong grip. His feet landed at the other end of the field, a clearing surrounded by forest. He turned to face his foe. His hands formed a simple shape.

"Shadow Clone jutsu!"

Three Narutos appeared around him. Their arms rose into the air. A light blue shape appeared above the outstretched palms. The shape began to take on a familiar form, a throwing star, a shruiken.

"You're dead!" The Narutos released their raishuriken. The weapon flew towards the enemy. In a series of jumps the chakra came closer and closer to the man. Naruto's eyes had trouble following the raishuriken, there was no way that this guy could follow even react. This fight was over. He was about to be—then the orange haired man disappeared.

_What?_

Naruto felt that same inescapable grip on his hips! A faint breeze coursed through the leaves. Naruto shivered as he felt the hands move up to his chest. His body was pulled back. He felt himself pressed up against a hard, strong chest.

"What are you doing?"

"Shh, it's all right." Naruto's eyes seemed to shake in terror as he felt warm breath grace the back of his neck. "Just think of Sasuke," said Ichigo before he kissed the blonde.

"Tomo!" screamed Kagura, "You can't just turn everything into yaoi!"

"Why not?"

"It doesn't even make sense! You did it with Dual Survival, Twilight, Hetalia, Dragon Ball Z, and even Pokémon!"

"What?" asked Tomo, "are you so bent out of shape about? I like yaoi and besides Ash certainly didn't hate Paul."

"He's ten years old!"

"What?" cried Tomo, incredulous, "How is he still ten?"

"At the beginning of Black and White the narrator said he was ten," Kagura shrugged.

"That makes no sense but whatever, at least I'm not like Yomi, she turns _everything_ into yuri!"

"What do you mean?"

"She wrote about Kaorin and Sakaki, Kaorin and Chihiro, you and Sakaki, me and Sakaki, and me and you!" Tomo's face looked like Kimura had snuck up on her while she was in the shower.

Kagura's eyes nearly popped out of their sockets. Then her mouth switched from shocked to speculative. "Do you think Yomi might be a lesbian?"

"Hey Osaka!" said Chihiro, "what are you up to today?"

"I failed my exam," she whimpered.

"That's horrible! I feel so bad for you, what class?"

"Math."

"Meh," said Chihiro with a shrug, "I don't think it'll mean anything in the long run."

"Ya think so?"

"What did you want to be again?"

"A PE teacher like Ms. Kurosawa!"

"Uh," Chihiro paused, "Osaka, I don't know how to say this but, are you out of your mind? You, a PE teacher?"

"Did I say PE? I meant an English teacher like Kimura was...no wait, he taught something else."

"Why would you want to be like him?"

"I never said that," Osaka gave her a concerned look, "Why the heck would I wanna be like a pervert?"

"Sorry," said Chihiro, "I guess I misinterpreted what you said."

Kyon sat at the club room table. He'd been told to wait there for some reason by Haruhi. He was getting impatient with her, but then again she had those powers. Now a noise at the door told him that whatever he was asked to wait for had arrived. Koizumi?

"Fuck it," said Kyon, "I'm leaving."

"I like the sound of that," said Itsuki, "where to?"

"Please," said Kyon, "Don't follow me."

"You little pervert," Koizumi teased, "your mind instantly jumps to the dirtiest possibility."

"Oh be qui—"

"I like that," said Itsuki his smile gaining an unusual—

"Tomo, you're doing it again!"

"If you don't like it why are you reading it?"

"My Xbox is in for repairs and you said we were gonna go have fun somewhere!"

"Oh yeah, whoops!" she said with an awkward smile. "Say, you wanna borrow some of my manga? Maybe that'll convince you to accept my—"

"Absou-lutely not!"

"Then why are you blushing?" Tomo teased, "you're afraid to admit it aren't you Boobzilla?"

"I am not blushing!"

"You know some of the guys look a little like Ken—"

"Don't bring him up!"

"You are interested," she smiled.

"Not that much." Kagura's gaze focused to the side.

"Why don't we go see what Minamo's boyfriend is like?" asked Tomo, "that sounds like fun."

"Actually he's not her boyfriend."

"Whatever let's just go, before I find more of Yomi's weird yuri fanfic." Tomo shivered. "I'm just glad that she doesn't make fanart."

"Uh, I just found this sketch book under the couch."

"Burn it, _now_."

"It's just some Bleach chibis. You're so paranoid."


	22. Yomi vs Osaka?

Tomo opened the door of her Mercedes Benz.

"How did you get such a nice car?"

"Jealous?" Tomo asked Kagura.

"Yeah, you've seen my car. It's the Yukari Mobile and it sucks."

"It sure does," said Tomo, "I knew you'd be jealous. How could you not be?"

"So are you gonna tell me how you got it?" asked Kagura.

"I prefer to keep you guessing," she teased. "Stupid."

"You're a real jerk sometimes, Tomo."

"You're just mad because you can't understand how I got this sweet ride. That's why I got 31—"

"Will you let it go already?"

"You haven't let the _one_ time you beat Sakaki go."

"At least that was a real accomplishment!"

"It's so easy to make you mad, it's always the same three things that drive you crazy." Kagura was filled with rage as Tomo continued to smirk. But she had to know.

"Please tell me."

"Chiyo bought it for me."

"What, she bought you the car?"

"Yep," said Tomo.

"Why?"

"I asked her to."

Kagura grew upset with Tomo. "You can't just tell people to buy you things! Chiyo is our friend!"

"It's not like she used up her life savings to do it. She's loaded remember?"

"Why didn't she get me anything?" asked Kagura, "I was a way better friend for her than you were!"

"I told her that you didn't want her to get you something because you didn't want to feel like you were using her good will as a means to get cool stuff. I told her that you didn't want to be a moocher. She bought it up!"

"Why you—what kind of friend are you?"

"I'm just kidding. My family got it for me when they heard that I was going to college." Tomo smiled. "It was so nice of them. Didn't your parents get you something?"

"I kind of spent my life insurance on tinted windows," said Kagura, "And they're kinda broke."

"So where does this guy live anyways?"

"Coach told me that Kurt, that's his name, lived in..." Kagura frowned. "I forget."

"Did you write it down?"

"Why would I write down his address?" asked Kagura, "Why do you think that I would write down the address of some random guy?"

"So then what are we going to do?" asked Tomo, "wasn't the plan for today to be getting to know him so that we could learn more about why Nyamo—"

"Coach!"

"Whatever," Tomo rolled her eyes, "let's just go play Smash Bros, no wait. Why don't we get a PS3? Or better yet go hit the clubs and find us some hot young guys!"

"And get AIDS?"

"What are you twelve?" asked Tomo, "not all guys have HIV coursing through their veins you know."

"I wouldn't."

"Why not?"

"I don't have to tell you anything, Tomo!"

"Oh!" she smirked, "now I get it. That's why you wanted to know if Yomi was a lesbian. You were the manliest person at our high school after all. I can't believe that I didn't realize it before! You're a—"

"_That's not what I meant!_"

"Hey Yomi!"

"Hi Osaka, guess what?" Yomi paused dramatically. "I managed to put in my contacts!" Osaka tried to respond but Yomi held up her hand. "And I managed to get them out this time!"

"That's great Yomi! When did this happen?"

"Less then twenty minutes ago, I rushed over here to tell it to your— Who's that?"

"He's my boyfriend," said Osaka.

"The one who cut himself on the shards of a fishbowl?"

"Let's not get into that," said the man, "you're Yomi right?" A nod "My name is Sato. It's a pleasure to meet you."

"Why do you remind me of Itsuki Koizumi?" asked Yomi.

"I get that a lot," said Sato, "it's nice to remind people of such a well liked character. It fills me with pride, to some extent."

"He's a nerd," Osaka whispered to Yomi.

"But he's kind of cute."

"Kinda? He's real cute. Don't you think so?"

"Well it's kind of weird to praise someone's boyfriend in front of her."

"Um," a concerned voice spoke up, "I'm not being ignored am I?"

"Sato, please," said Osaka, "you don't always have to be the center of attention. You know it's okay to just let other people talk right?"

"Huh? Weren't you talking about me just now?"

"I forgot to tell you," said Osaka in a whisper, "he's got ears like a hawk!"

"Osaka, that's not the saying. Hawks aren't renowned for their ears."

"They're more revered for them ears than Yukari."

"So is Tomo."

"Hey, Ayumu?"

"Huh?"

"Maybe you should ask her inside, the heat is coming in and the AC is on."

"Never mind," said Yomi, "The reason I came over to visit you is done anyways."

"Aren't you a lesbian?"

"Listen _Sato_," Yomi grabbed him by the collar, "shut your damn mouth!"

"So is that a yes or a no?"

"Hey Sakaki!" said Ken, "What's up?"

"Uh, not much." She was surprised to see her "boyfriend." Really, they weren't a couple.

"So...what's up?"

"Well, not much."

"Wanna go see a movie?" asked the man, "or are you busy or...not interested." His sentence killed by a glare from the woman in front of him. "Uh..."

"I don't know if we should keep seeing each other," she responded.

"What?"

"It's not fair to my friend if I keep seeing you," she answered, "so good bye."

"Okay Kagura," said Tomo, "what the heck are we gonna do?"

"Shut up!" yelled an angry young woman, "I'm still trying to decide that! Can you give me some more time to think about this?"

"Wanna get lunch my lezzy friend?"

"I am not a lesbian!" she screamed, "you think that just because I was really into sports and physical conditioning—"

"And short mannish hair."

"My hair is not manish! Just because I was always following Sakaki does not mean that I'm gay!"

"You hang out with Kaorin all the time."

"She's not a lesbian either, remember?"

"I'm just kidding, don't have to get so damn defensive. Besides," Tomo gave her a sly look, "if you were that would be kinda hot."

"What...?" Kagura was confused.

"Man," said Tomo, "you really are easy to confuse. Moron."

"You're the moron!"

"So you wanna get lunch?" asked Tomo.

"Yeah sure," said Kagura, "Where do you wanna go? I'm thinking of getting some steak or soup made with fish. Or maybe some grilled fish, or fried fish!"

"Why the crap are you obsessed with fish?" asked Tomo, "I like to eat _meat_ if you know what I mean!"

"Tomo, why is everything sexual with you?" Kagura's voice filled with scorn, "There's more to life than just that you know. Honestly now."

"You're such a perv Kagura!" Tomo smacked her, "I was talking about Kobe beef!" 


	23. Lunch, with a Twist!

"Now then," Tomo pointed a finger at the road, "where should we go? I'm thinking that it would be great to buy some steak! But then again," Tomo said to Kagura, "You do wanna get some seafood. Hmm, surf or turf?" The two of them sat in silence contemplating this important decision. The sun hung in the sky as the car sat idly in the side of the road, though generally that's called on the side, not in. The interior began to heat up. Kagura could feel her face moisten as they continued to mull over the idea of what to get for lunch. Little droplets of moisture fell off of her face. Then Tomo's head snapped up. The car revved to life and the AC brought a merciful cool breeze across Kagura's face.

"Why don't we just get both?"

"It took you till now to think of that?"

Kaorin felt her stomach, hearing it scream in agony. _Don't worry, you'll get some food soon enough_.

She sat in a restaurant. She'd been there for nearly an hour. _This is some pretty crappy service_, she thought, _I've been here for a goddamn hour now; and I still haven't gotten my appetizers!_ The most surprising thing was that she was here alone. She hadn't seen her boyfriend in a while though both of them were pretty busy nowadays. She wished that there was someone here to talk to.

"And I say you should pay for half!"

_Wait, is that...?_

"It'll be fine, I'll pay you back later!"

"Hey you guys!" Kaorin waved to Tomo and Kagura. The two women quickly sat down at the table. Kaorin was glad to see them.

"Hey Kaorin, what up girl?" asked Kagura.

"Not much, what have you two been up to lately?"

"We were arguing about what we should do for the past three hours," Tomo said sheepishly, "in hindsight it's kinda embarrassing. So did you ever get an Xbox?"

"Whoa," said Kaorin, "when did that enter the convo?"

"Convo?"

"I'm surprised Kagura," said Tomo, "considering how often you're online I thought you'd be a little more familiar with slang. You seriously don't know what convo is?" Kagura's response caused Tomo to sigh in awe. "Conversation, duh."

"You don't have to be so rude all the time!"

"Excuse me," said the waiter, "here are your appetizers. Are these friends of yours?"

"You guys ready to order?"

"Kaorin, we haven't seen a menu yet."

"I'll bring you some menus and water," said the waiter, he gracefully walked away, colliding with another waiter.

"Watch where you're going jackass!"

The waiter merely picked himself up. _How did I get to be so clumsy?_

"That was, interesting." Kaorin's attention focused on the appetizers. "These things look pretty tasty you guys."

"Sure do." Kagura nibbled on a piece. "These things are great!" She shoved one into her mouth.

"You need to have better manners," said Tomo, she smirked, "I guess you're about as classy as corndogs."

"You're just as bad!"

"So Kagura," Kaorin then asked, "what's Black Ops like?"

"The campaign is really violent, and the multiplayer kind of sucks."

"Why is that?"

"It's really easy to be killed in it."

"You mean you just suck," said Tomo.

"No, I mean that the hitboxes are terrible, if you were in the general vicinity of shots within the last three seconds, you're dead."

"Sounds like Halo is still a better game to me," Kaorin told Kagura.

"Sounds like you can't play Black Ops that well. It's for Wii and I am Prestige."

"How did you get to Prestige?" the K-girls asked.

"Because I don't _suck_," said Tomo.

"Griefer!"

"N00b."

"I am not a n00b!" Kagura cried, "in Halo I'm pro!"

"Anyone can be pro at Halo," said Tomo, "it takes minus one skill to play that game."

"You do need skill to play Halo! And at least it's not filled with n00btubers and campers!"

"You can't handle n00btubers? You really are bad at COD," said Tomo, "I just convert them into killstreaks."

"You liar!"

"Here are your waters, and your silverware." Everyone turned to see the polite waiter who placed the three drinks on the table top.

"Thank you," said Kagura. She gently grasped the tightly bound napkin, feeling the hard metal shapes inside.

"Service is a little slow today," the waiter apologized, "we have had some problems with the cook who was on duty today...under cooking everything. But now that we asked one of our other chefs to come in we'll be ready to take your orders momentarily!" The waiter walked away with two menus left on the table. This time he managed not to walk into anyone.

"Huh, I guess it was a fluke." Kagura sipped while perusing the menu. She was torn between two options and had nearly decided on what to order when—

"What is that?"

Tomo's arm smacked into Kagura's glass. A blurp of surprise spat out of her mouth as moisture ran down her face.

"Oh, sorry!"

Kaorin noticed something interesting about her friends. As Tomo gently dabbed at Kagura's confused face with her napkin; Kaorin smiled. The "Wildcat" and Kagura were similar but had a few noticeable differences. As Kagura's left eye closed in response to Tomo dabbing below it on her cheek; a sudden thought entered Kaorin's head.

"You two look cute together."

"Sakaki, I need your advice."

"What is it Yomi?"

"Why do people think I'm a lesbian?"

"Well," Sakaki began, "I guess for the same reason people think that I get into a ton of fights."

"You don't? I mean you're kind of like I am and I get into tons of fights—"

"With Tomo."

"Yeah but still."

"And," Sakaki continued, "there were a dozen times when Tomo visited your house during the night."

"It was more than twelve times," Yomi interjected, "I know because I wrote about each time in my diary and there are exactly forty five entries about that subject. How do you know about that anyways?"

"You mentioned it the morning afterwards at school, every time," Sakaki told her, "then you would ask us about what we thought it meant. That, and the fact that you were always talking about girls you considered 'hot,'" Sakaki air quoted, "gave us the idea that you weren't exactly, how should I put this? Interested in guys, for the same reason we were interested in guys." Yomi was silent. "And after so long it might be difficult to convince everyone else that you are straight. And," she held up a notebook, "the yuri fanfic you write isn't helping to change that image."

Yomi was stunned. This was the second time that one of her friends had made something seem obvious to her when she had been unable to think of it on her own.

"Don't you remember that song you wrote, wasn't it called Logic Clock?"

"Biologic Clock," said Yomi, "and that never got very many hits on YouTube."

"Yeah," Sakaki agreed, "didn't it go 'Tick, tock I'll be single till I see the sunlight?'"

"More or less."

"I think you should have asked me to do the vocals." Sakaki smiled. "I didn't really take that song as a confession by you to be honest."

"Wow, now I feel bad for thinking you were a sex addict who was into S&M."

"Wh-wha?"

"Uh," Yomi stuttered, "you always had a bandage on your hand and going on about 'him.' I just kinda thought I was putting two and two together..."

"Th-that wasn't a man, that was a cat!"

"Um, I didn't realize you were so..._into_ animals."

Sakaki looked as if Simon had been nice for an entire episode of American Idol, when it was the primiere episode for the season. "Get out."

"I mean sure it's weird but—"

"_Out._"

"Hold on," said Yomi, "I mean I'm not really sure why you like that but—"

"_OUT!_"

Sakaki shoved her out the door before nearly shattering the hinges with a slam.

"That fucking nerd. Who the Hell thinks I'd want to do _that_ with an animal?" For possibly the second time in her entire life Sakaki felt like hitting someone in the face.

"Meow?" asked Maya.

"Don't get any ideas. Then again you did get neutered so I guess you don't think about those kinds of things anymore." Sakaki ran her hand across the cat's back. He purred. "Maybe I shouldn't have dumped Ken. It's not like he was trying to hurt Kagura's feelings or even knew she was going to arrive to their date after waiting forty five minutes for her to show up. It's pretty obvious that this was all caused by a lack of punctuality in hindsight."

"Kaorin, what did you just say?"

"You'd make a cute couple."

"_We are not a couple!_"

"Sorry, sorry!" Kaorin held up her hands. "I didn't mean to upset you guys!"

"Y-you really think so?" asked Kagura.

"A lil."

"Uh, let's just stick with ordering lunch."

"That's probably for the best." 


	24. Groceries? WTF?

After the tasty, if controversial, lunch with Kaorin Tomo and Kagura were back on the road. Though it wasn't very clear why. Especially since Tomo just spat out the word "horseradish" before slamming her foot on the gas.

Kagura held onto her stomach for dear life, since she'd ordered something that made her feel sick. It was at that moment that Kagura realized two things. The first, they never had much success with restaurants; and the second, the day was not making a whole lot of sense.

Suddenly Tomo broke the silence with an unusual cry. "So let's go grab some groceries!"

Kagura's face looked as if someone had just told her that a gorilla was terrorizing downtown. Though all things considered that didn't seem too far fetched for a day that had jumped from Ichigo vs Naruto, to a Mercedes Benz, and finally a lunch where Kaorin had told her and her best friend Tomo that they made a cute couple. In fact a gorilla attack made sense, somehow.

"You have to come with me," said Tomo, "I bought you lunch!"

"What was up with that anyways?" asked Kagura, "you were really apologetic about the whole hitting my glass of water with your arm." Kagura felt a tinge, but of what she didn't know. "I mean you dabbed it off my face and gently too. Then you were blushing when we started eating our meals for some reason." Kagura's eyebrow formed a suspicious arch. "Are you feeling all right, Tomo?"

"I was blushing?" asked Tomo, "but I don't remember blushing... What was so weird about me apologizing to you? I didn't want to knock your glass into your face. I just, got distracted." Tomo let out a nervous laugh. "But so what? You're gonna help me get my groceries, right sweetie?"

"Sw-sweeti—?"

"Hahaha!" Tomo rubbed a tear out of her eye. "Oh man, you're not a challenge at all! But seriously I need help finding all this shit." Tomo held up a shopping list that fell to the floor, a two foot drop. On the list bananas, canned goods, cookies, and a variety of manga lurked on it. Kagura felt that she had to help her friend, especially with such a crazy shopping list! Tomo smiled as her friend nodded. She gave Kagura a smile and the two set off towards the supermarket.

"Hi Yomi," said Kaorin as she welcomed her friend into her apartment.

"Hi."

"What's the matter? Your voice sounded so sad."

"_Sakaki hates me!_"

"Sa-wha?" asked Kaorin. "Are you sure?"

"She shoved me out of her apartment. I think that's a pretty clear message." Yomi sniffed before she sobbed into her hands.

"What happened? I don't remember Sakaki ever being that mad." Kaorin set a glass of ice water down beside Yomi. She watched her friend take a sip.

"I guess I touched on a delicate subject for her." Yomi took in another gulp of water. "I just don't know what to do. You're familiar with Sakaki right?"

"No," Kaorin's voice a long vowel, "you seriously don't know much about me do you?"

"But Sakaki's my friend," said Yomi, "one of my best friends! I can't let this make us drift apart after all we've been through!"

"Aren't you being just a little bit overly dramatic? It's not like you're married and she's losing interest in you. Quit making things weird." Kaorin then jumped as her phone rang. "Hello?"

"Who is—?"

"Yomi I'm on the—! Yeah? Um, sure. See you then~bye!" A click. "My boyfriend."

"What did he say?"

"He wants us to go to dinner tonight."

"Where are we—?"

"Sorry Yomi, you're not a part of we," said Kaorin, "it's kind of private, a date." She had an apologetic smile. "Maybe some other time."

"Okay, but what about Sakaki?"

"You're really smart, I know you'll find a solution. Don't give up!" Kaorin gave Yomi a hug. "You two will still be friends, I'm sure of it."

"I don't know, Sakaki seemed awfully mad at me."

"Don't doubt yourself so much, it's not good for you! Bye!"

"Hey Kurt! Just calling to see if maybe you weren't busy tomorrow or something okay by—"

"What the Hell are you calling Kurt for?"

"Yukari?" Minamo asked, shocked.

"You stay away from him!"

"Why?"

Yukari's eyes nearly burned like a great conflagration spit out by an angry dragon. "He's my boyfriend!"

Minamo felt her heart drop to the floor where it was crushed by evil, snickering gnomes. And at the same moment she could feel her fists clench and her teeth nearly reduce themselves to powder. She felt like connecting her right fist with the left side of Yukari's face. But the rational portion of her brain intervened.

"Goddammit Yukari! How could you do this to me?"

"Don't scream at me! It's your own damn fault for not asking him!"

"I did!"

"When?"

"Two weeks ago!"

"We've been together a month now, that's probably why he told you no." Yukari still felt pissed at Nyamo for being yelled at. "Use your indoor voice _Ms. Kurosawa_."

"Why have you done this to me?" asked Kurosawa.

"Quit being a whiny bitch," said Yukari, "don't you like Kagura anyways?"

"You're supposed to be my friend!" yelled Nyamo, "but all you do is hurt me!"

"What the fuck are you talking about? I'm sure you can find someone who wants to go out with you. Why can't you just be happy that I managed to find someone who likes me?" asked Yukari.

"Get out of my apartment!" Minamo's hand pointed at the door. "I've just about had enough of you!" her voice stern.

"I'll wait for you to cool off~bye!"

Minamo slammed the door in her face.

"Jesus Nyamo you're a bitch today. I wonder if Yomi's willing to make me something to eat?" Yukari skipped away with a happy song humming in her throat.

"Is this the stuff?"

"Kagura can't you read?" Tomo asked her, "that's just something extra."

"Well sorry I'm just here to help." Kagura put the box back onto the shelf. "What's left on the list?"

"Let's skip Yomi's nerdy comics and then all we left is...sugar." Tomo paused for a second. "So...can you go get that? I'll wait here."

"Why me?"

"Please Kagura?"

"Fine."

As she walked off to find the item Tomo watched her go. She blushed a little as she watched Kagura's legs shift from side to side as she walked down the aisle. Then she saw Kagura's heels turn and her friend walked back. Tomo wondered what Kagura would say when she saw her reddening face. Tomo's face shot towards a can. She grabbed it with one hand and nervously hummed.

"What kind of sugar do you want me to get."

"Uh," Tomo gulped, "th-the white kind, yeah!" Tomo watched as Kagura walked away, a confused look on her face. The hyperactive Takino let in a deep breath as her face felt even hotter. "Dammit," she mumbled, "why is she so hot?"

"Hi Sakaki."

"Why are you here, Yomi?" Sakaki's eyes narrowed. "I don't remember asking you to come back."

Yomi gulped as Sakaki's venomous tone assaulted her. "I just wanted to say, I accept your difference!" Yomi held up a book. "After reading this I've really come to understand you're...you know, a lot better. And even though I still think it's kinda creepy I—"

"I don't do that."

"You don't have to deny who you are," said Yomi, "even if it does creep me out."

"Shut your fucking mouth." Sakaki tried not to slap Yomi. "I don't have sex with animals. That's disgusting. A cat kept biting me because he didn't like."

"Oh. Sorry abou—"

"Now leave."

"But, I, I didn't know any better!"

"Then you're out of touch with reality. Don't call me." Sakaki closed the door.

"At least she didn't slam it in my face," said Yomi, "that's a small improvement."

"Hey Kagura, thanks for helping me."

"No sweat," said Kagura, "I mean it's no trouble for me. We're friends after all. We help each other out."

"Yeah," Tomo put a hand on Kagura's shoulder. "You're my best friend. You know that right?"

"Yeah I knew that." Kagura smiled. "I think I would have noticed something important like that."

"Sorry that I'm rude sometimes."

"It's no real biggie."

"Yeah..." Tomo's voice trailed off as she started up the car. During the ride back Tomo was uncharacteristically silent. Kagura felt that something was off as her friend's eyes seemed to erratically dart around the windshield. As the car pulled up to Tomo and Yomi's apartment Kagura swore she heard Tomo take in a lungful of air. They quickly unloaded the bags into the kitchen. As they worked Kagura felt Tomo's hand brush against hers. She heard a sharp gulp as the hand was quickly brought away. Kagura swore that something seemed amiss but said nothing. After they put everything into the refrigerator the two friends got into Tomo's Benz. The short drive to where Kagura lived was also silent. They stopped and the car door opened with a click and Kagura got out, saying goodbye before closing the door. As her footsteps against the concrete sidewalk traveled towards the stairs that led to her room a quick door slam interrupted the calm.

"Kagura, wait!"

She turned to see Tomo.

"What is it, To—?" Her voice was cut out by Tomo's lips and she just felt confused.

Knock, Knock.

"Hey Yomi!" cried Yukari, "you can cook right?"

A silent response greeted the English teacher.

"Maybe I should just go see Sakaki." 


	25. A Chess Game? What the Hell!

Sakaki sat on the couch watching her favorite show. The sudden noise at the door turned her around. "Hi Kagura."

"Hi."

Kagura seemed to have been breathing heavily. Every so often a startled gulp slithered down her throat. Sakaki raised an eyebrow.

"Something the matter?"

"Tomo just..."

"You had problems with one of them too?"

"Wait, did you?"

Sakaki nodded. "I can't believe Yomi did that to me. It was such a shock."

Kagura paused for a second. _S-so Yomi and Tomo are...but, what?_

"I never thought she would be so stupid. That incident still makes my blood boil."

"Why?" Kagura asked Sakaki, "it's not like she was trying to hurt you."

"You weren't there!" Sakaki's voice unusually sharp. "How would you know anything about it?"

"Geez don't yell." Kagura sat down on the couch beside Sakaki. "What should we do?"

"What happened?" asked Sakaki. "You and Tomo are best friends aren't you?"

"That's kinda, the thing." Kagura's gaze fell to the floor. "I, I don't know what to do."

"I shoved Yomi out of the apartment in anger," said Sakaki, "what did you do?"

Kagura had a shocked look on her face. "Why would you do that? Can't you appreciate her...unique perspective a little more than that?"

"What are you talking about? She insulted me!"

Kagura stood up. "I can't believe you Sakaki!"

"What's gotten into you? Why are you so defensive?" the "Lone Wolf" asked.

"I am not defensive!"

Sakaki refrained from rolling her eyes at the childish outburst. "What happened you ask?" Sakaki paused. "Yomi accused me of doing..._things_ with animals. What happened to you?"

"I, I don't know where to begin." Kagura realized that nothing had happened between Sakaki and Yomi. At least not something equivalent to what happened between her and Tomo. Sakaki moved out of the corner of her eye.

"Here."

A brown box sat on the stand between them.

"You can tell me the story over chess."

Kagura felt confused as the small wooden pieces were taken out of the dark, chocolatey vessel. Two rows of custard figures and an equal amount of ebony soldiers stood on the checkered field.

"Pick a color."

Kagura looked at the two sides. "White I guess."

"I'm black, eh?" Sakaki gave a sly smile. "So you're going to start off the match?"

"I guess so." Kagura moved a knight onto the lower left quarter of the board.

"So," said Sakaki as she moved a pawn two spaces forward, "what happened?"

"Tomo invited me over to her apartment, you see." She moved one pawn from a white square to the adjacent black one. "And then she ignored me and spent five minutes writing something in a notepad."

"Go on." Sakaki moved the pawn to the left of the one that sat alone.

"And then I read it as she wrote it and," she moved the same pawn forward, "it was Ichigo kissing Naruto!"

"Really?" Sakaki smiled as she moved a bishop out from the side of the queen.

"Yeah but then we just argued for a while." Kagura moved another knight. "Then we got into her car and we were supposed to see Kurt."

"Who?"

"Coach's friend."

"Ah." Sakaki moved her king-side knight.

"Then we found out that we didn't know where he lived. So we argued some more about what we were going to do for lunch." Kagura didn't know which piece to move at this point: she'd never been talented at chess. "Then we sat in her hot car for a minute or so. Then I began to sweat a little." Kagura settled on moving another pawn. "Then she suddenly decided on an idea. We raced off towards a restaurant."

Sakaki nodded. Her right hand moved a pawn.

Kagura moved her other knight before proceeding. "When we got there we met Kaorin."

Sakaki moved her other bishop.

"We greeted her." Kagura moved one of her center pawns. "Then our waiter ran into somebody." Sakaki's hand merely rested on her chin. "Then we sat and talked a little." Sakaki just sat. "Before long our waters arrived along with some appetizers."

Sakaki moved her rook and her king in unison, the crown switching places with the turret.

"What did you just do?"

"I castled."

"Can I do that?"

"Not when you have pieces between the king and the rook."

"The rook?"

"This one."

"I thought that was called a castle." Kagura jerked a bishop forward.

"That piece doesn't move like that."

"Oh," she repositioned it, "sorry."

"That's okay."

"When I was drinking my water Tomo hit the glass with her arm. She then grabbed a napkin and," Kagura moved a knight towards the center of the board, "she dabbed the water off my face. It was so soft and gentle and I was so surprised."

Sakaki moved her knight towards the center.

"I mean Tomo had never done something like that to me before. She'd never really touched me in a gentle manner. She's always been kind of rough and tough with us you know?"

Sakaki nodded.

"As she dabbed at my face Kaorin said we'd make a cute couple. I was shocked, especially after hearing about Yomi's yuri fanfic of us. After that Tomk was acting weird." Kagura moved a pawn into the center, where it was soon taken. "She would look at me and look away. She blushed and gave a weird laugh. And as I ate my meal, I think she looked and smiled at my boobs!"

Kagura noticed that her pawns were being consumed by a combined assault by Sakaki's bishops and rook. "I didn't think about it that much. And we got back into Tomo's car. From there we went to buy her and Yomi groceries. And she was just as weird at the supermarket."

Sakaki silently slaughtered Kagura's pieces, save for the _tink_ of a connection between the wooden pieces.

"On the way back here she apologized to me for all of the times she didn't treat me very well. She asked me if I knew that I was her best friend."

"She did?" Kagura nearly jumped at Sakaki's sudden words. "I thought Yomi was her best friend." Sakaki ended the game as the victor. She began to push the pieces back into the mahagony box.

"And when I got out of the car she, she told me to stop." Kagura's tone shifted and so did her body. "And then I noticed she was out of the car and," she gulped, "Tomo, _kissed me_."

"She did?"

"Yeah." Kagura thought back to that recent time.

She could feel Tomo's lips against hers. She felt scared. She didn't understand what was going on, or why she had Tomo's soft lips pressed against hers. Then as quickly as Tomo had kissed her, she'd pulled away.

"Tomo, what, why did you kiss me?"

There had been tears in her friend's eyes.

"_I'm sorry I'm so stupid!_"

"What?" Kagura had asked her.

But Tomo had slammed the door of her car and sped away. Leaving her best friend confused and a little frightened. Kagura felt that she didn't really know Tomo, and perhaps even herself.

"So what was it like?"

Kagura had been ripped out of her thoughts by Sakaki's sudden question.

"Was she a good kisser?"

"Sakaki— What?"

"It's just a simple question," Sakaki told her friend, "I'm a little curious to be honest."

"What are you talking about?" Kagura asked, well screamed. "I don't wanna—"

"Are you blushing?"

"Sakaki, what's gotten into y—?"

"Don't you think she's a cute girl? I mean at least you didn't get kissed by someone who's ugly. Or someone who's boring." Sakaki smiled. "I think you two are a good match."

"SAKAKI!"

"You're getting redder and redder. Were her lips soft against yours?"

"WILL YOU SHUT UP!"

"You liked it when she kissed you. I can tell."

"What?" Kagura asked, confused. "Why would you say that?"

"You're so embarrassed right now," said Sakaki, "your cheeks are red and you're talking fast. It's so cute." She smiled. "And you two are pretty close. But it's a little odd that Tomo wouldn't have an interest in Yomi."

"It doesn't matter," Kagura's voice tainted with anger. "She ran off. She told me she was sorry for being stupid or something like that. I don't know why she would say something like that. I guess she thought I hated her for kissing me. But, she's my friend. It's gonna take more than that for me to not like her anymore!" Sakaki was busy messing around with something in the microwave. "It's not weird to say that is— I should have seen this coming!"

"Why is that?" asked Sakaki, returning with a box of take out.

"Tomo was talking about lesbians a lot today! I didn't realize that until now. She was trying to tell me that she liked me. I'm sure of it! And then she ran away when she kissed me."

"You should talk to her, tell her how you feel."

"But I don't know how I feel, Sakaki. I don't know why but, her lips were soft. They felt...good." Kagura stopped.

"You should probably talk to Tomo, she can get really into the moment and bad things can happen then."

"You're right!"

"You'd better go talk to your girlfriend."

"Sakaki!"

"Who has a girlfriend?"

The two roommates looked at Yukari. They had blank looks as the English teacher unexpectedly invited herself in.

"Kagura?"

"I don't have a girlfriend!"

"Really?" Yukari was stunned. "You're the one person I expected to have a girlfriend. I mean you looked the part."

"That's what Tomo said!" Kagura's fist hit the table. "Why does everyone think that?"

"So then why did Sakaki say that you have a girlfriend?"

"Because she likes Tomo."

"No I don't!"

"You liked it when she kissed you."

"Well...maybe."

Suddenly the phone rang.

"Yomi?"

"_Have you guys seen Tomo?_"

"No."

"_Huh, I'll call Osaka. She ran out the door crying for some reason. She said something about being 'too stupid.' I hope she's all right_."

"I'll find her!"

"_Huh?_"

"She's my best friend, I have to help her!"

"_What are you talking about?_"

"She needs me to be there for her. Even if I don't know how I can help, I have to go— I have to!" And Kagura rushed out the door. 


	26. Tomo?

"There she goes," said Yukari, "running off again." The teacher simply sighed in disbelief. "She doesn't learn quickly at all, does she, eh Sakaki?"

"No," said Sakaki with a smile as Kagura stuck her head back in the doorway.

"Hey…where can I find Tomo anyways?" she asked the two of them.

"You really shouldn't go running off half cocked like that," Yukari berated her, "here you get so up and excited about something when you don't have any sort of plan."

"Shouldn't you know more about your best friend?" Sakaki asked, "I mean, you're supposed to know more about her than…nothing. "

"Come on!" the woman pleaded, "Sakaki you're smart!"

"Well," Sakaki tapped her pointed chin with a fingertip. Her eyes gave an impression of vacancy, "Tomo did once tell me that she likes to look at the ocean. That could be a start." Suddenly her face lit up with a smile. "She told me that her favorite place to go to is a park by the bay. She said that she could see the smooth surface of the sea…or was it an ice cream shop?"

"Sounds like we're getting nowhere," said Yukari, "Kagura, you're her girlfriend you should know where to look!"

"She is not my girlfriend!"

"What are you talking about?" Yukari seemed unconvinced. " Why else would you want to go find her after she _just _kissed you like two seconds ago?"

"It has nothing to do with that!" Kagura retorted, "she's over the top and who knows what she might do right now?"

"Why don't we go look for that park then?" asked Sakaki, "I'm sure that it will help to find her first of all."

"Whose car are we taking?"

"Kagura, you're the only one in this room who has a car."

"Wait," Yukari interrupted, "how old are you two?"

"Well, Kagura is nineteen and Tomo is twenty one."

Yukari had a puzzled expression on her face and asked, "But didn't Tomo say she was twenty four?"

"I don't think so," Sakaki responded, "I'm twenty by the way."

"I know that that crazy girl said that sometime not too long ago!" Yukari insisted.

"Maybe she was exaggerating for some reason," Sakaki responded. The elegant young woman stood up. She turned towards the door and after taking a few steps looked back to say, "either way Kagura and I need to go find her."

"What about me?"

"Get out of the apartment."

"That's a little cold for you, Sakaki," said Kagura, "you're not usually so…."

"Brusque," Sakaki responded before shoving Yukari out with a kick, "I'm so sick of having to deal with that crazy and insane woman almost every day. Don't you just get sick of her exuberance after having to listen to her shouting all the time?"

"I never knew that you got so sick of her."

"Let's get going," said Sakaki cheerfully.

As Kagura drove them through the heart of town she began to question exactly why they had been going in circles for the past thirty minutes. "Don't worry," Sakaki told her, "it'll come to me, it'll come to me. I just need some more time to think this through."

"But that's what you said before!" Kagura cried in despair.

"You really should know more about your girlfriend."

"She's not my girlfriend!"

"Yeah sure," said Sakaki as she continued to doubt Kagura, "but this reminds me of the day that we went to Six Flags." When Kagura gave the woman a confused look she responded with, "I never said you were a part of we."

"Then why did you say we?"

"It was almost like that time we went Okinawa. You remember?"

"Yeah…." Kagura felt that there was absolutely no sense left to her life. "What about it?"

"It was fun," Sakaki smiled, "I had such a great time over there. I even saw some cool sights. Plus it was very warm and sunny. I'm just not sure why that comes up into our search for your girfriend." Sakaki raised a hand to silence Kagura. "But I'm so happy that in Okinawa I met Maya, who somehow managed to get to Tokyo despite being the size of a loaf of bread." Her eyes closed in glee. "We were meant to be together!"

Kagura had a bored expression on her face. "You don't have to talk about that cat all the—" She was instantly silenced by having her head shoved into the driver's side window. One of her eyes was covered by her cheek and the cold glass made her entire face feel as cold as death. "Sakaki, why did you—?"

"Don't ever say anything about Maya again," she hissed.

"You've gotta be kidding me! You can't do that to the driver!" said Kagura hoping that she wouldn't crash into something.

"Then don't push me anymore," Sakaki warned. Then the woman looked out at the dark cityscape around them. What had caught her attention was a secluded patch of grass and trees near the dark Pacific waves. "Hey, this is where I went with Ken during our one date." She noticed Kagura's expression out of the corner of her eye. "Maybe now isn't the best time to talk about that. Wait who's standing over there?" The car slowed for a moment as they attempted to look for a place to park. Unfortunately there wasn't a place in sight. "No wait, that's a man. Let's just keep going." Kagura smacked her face into the steering wheel. Sakaki gave her friend a concerned look as the woman then moaned in pain. "You really shouldn't have done that."

"You're kidding me right? I never would have guessed."

"Don't worry there's another place we can look for your love."

"Dammit you're just doing this to mess with me aren't you, Sakaki?" asked Kagura as her friend snickered, "why do people love to tease me?"

"Sorry, sorry," she giggled, "I just think your denial is funny."

"It is not denial it's the truth!" she screamed as Sakaki tried her best to suppress her laugh with her hands.

Sakaki took in a deep breath of air before changing the subject. "Is that her up there?"

"I dunno." Kagura looked at the shape on top of a small hill by the bay. "We should check it out."

"You check it out," Sakaki yawned, "it's chilly outside. I'm going to stay in here with a blanket wrapped around my shoulders."

"Are you feeling all right?"

"I feel sleepy," the woman sarcastically chimed, "does that count?"

"Never mind," said an annoyed Kagura as she set the car into park and unlocked the door, "just don't let someone steal the stereo all right?"

"Don't worry; I'll stomp 'em in the nuts," she replied.

Kagura just left the car before her friend could say any more weird things. Up ahead she could see someone gazing at the churning sea down below. A slight wind made the fringes of a dark brown jacket into ruffles that jetted towards the edge of the cliff. Kagura's foot crunched on a rock below. The figure turned towards her. "There you are!" Kagura yelled, "what the heck's gotten into you, Tomo?"

"Oh, hi." Tomo turned away from her friend resuming her inspection of the water.

"You okay?" Kagura felt a sense of foreboding as her best friend stood in front of her.

"No."

The Wildcat turned to face her fellow knuckle head. The two of them just stared at each other for an instant. Kagura noticed that Tomo's feet began to shift towards the edge. She took a step towards the shorter girl, frowning. Then she saw Tomo's legs coil up. Without a word she leapt backwards looking up at her friend that grew smaller and smaller. One moment Kagura found herself standing on the edge of the cliff, watching her friend's empty face as Tomo fell down towards the water. The next she was diving towards the surface of the water, landing inside of the wake.

She momentarily found herself inside of a dark frightening world. She couldn't breathe and she couldn't see. But she was there to save her friend. Her head shot out of the water. She noticed a dark shape in the water beside her. She grabbed it. Getting her arms underneath Tomo's she pulled her towards the shore, swimming hard to drag the two of them through the sea. Kagura dragged them both onto the sand. The tomboy stood up with an angry growl. Tomo blinked before she sat up.

"What the hell were you thinking?"

"I…slipped."

Kagura's mouth gaped open before her eyes nearly became fire. "What?" She lifted Tomo up by her collar. "Are you out of your damn mind?" she screamed. Her hair was plastered against the sides of her head. "You just jumped off of a cliff? Why on Earth would you do that?"

Tomo frowned. "Shut up!" Kagura blinked in response, her features relaxing. "I told you I slipped, okay? That's what happened. End of discussion!" Kagura smiled at the angry outburst.

"You had me worried."

"I don't see why," Tomo snapped, "what do I matter to you?"

"You idiot," she whispered, "you're my friend. I care about you." The angry look in Tomo's eyes had given her a sense of relief. Just a moment ago her friend had seemed empty and lifeless on top of that cliff and especially when she had been falling. Kagura shivered. This angry Tomo was the one she knew, the one that was only angry for a moment before she was instantly happy again.

"I'm cold."

"Yeah, me too." She wrapped her arms around the woman forcing her into a tight hug. "Don't scare me like that again all right?" tears dripped from her cheeks onto the sand below.

"I won't," Tomo whispered into her friend's ear. She could feel her eyes release agony onto her crush's shoulder. "I promise."

"Aw, that's so sweet. You two make a great couple."

"Dammit, Sakaki!"


	27. Kagura Keeps Denying and Sakaki Lulz

"Oh don't be like that," Sakaki giggled, "you know it's true." She then handed the two of them a blanket. "Sorry there was only one in the car."

"That's okay," said Tomo, "we can share it."

Kagura quickly let go of the hyperactive young woman. "That's all right you take it, Tomo."

"What's wrong?"

"Nothing, I'm just…not that cold really."

Sakaki's eyebrow rose in suspicion. "Then why are you shivering like that time when someone said Kimura was peeping in while we were in the PE showers?" The "Lone Wolf" smiled. "You look like you're embarrassed or something. Do you just not want to be seen cuddling with her in public?"

"I keep telling you we are not a couple!"

"Wasn't that the reason she jumped off of a cliff twenty seconds ago?" Sakaki asked. Kagura responded with a growl. Sakaki gave the brown haired woman a smirk. "If I hadn't show up you wouldn't have let go of her would you?" The death glare that she was given made her start to giggle. "Where's Tomo's car anyways?"

"I kinda walked over here," the "Wildcat" responded, sniffling slightly. She rubbed the back of her head in embarrassment. "Sorry for the whole…slipping I was just, clumsy. So what's for dinner?"

"Why don't you ask Y—"

"Dammit—!"

"Shut up, Kagura! Damn!" Sakaki snapped, her angry face turned back towards Tomo, "why don't you just ask _Yomi_ to make you something?" she nearly spat, "if Kagura yells at me every time I use a word that starts with the letter 'Y' from now on we're not going to be living together _real_ fast." She took in a deep breath to calm down a little. "But we should probably get going before we're attacked and have to stomp someone in the nuts."

"Why do you keep saying that and acting so weird?" asked Kagura.

"Let me explain…."

A black haired, teenage boy and an old man sat together in a room that seemed to be representative of the Western conception of a less modern Japanese residence, complete with what looked like paper windows. The kid was flipping through TV channels at a blinding speed when he slowed down because he was nearing his favorite station. When he stopped on screen was a man in what was supposed to be some sort of "modern musical attire" who was trying his best to sound "gangsta" but was closer to "wangster." After hearing the man introduce a music video the TV instantly jumped to an image of a fancy car pulling up to an apartment. A woman with brown hair got out of the vehicle and glanced to her left. What appeared to be a very poorly constructed representation of the elderly man in the room could be seen looking at the woman with angry clenched teeth. She smiled before lyrics began to play.

"_You're just mad 'cause your ass is old_

_You get pissed when I blast tunes so they can be heard down the road_

_You jab the butt of your broom so it can be heard through my floor_

_Oh hell no, old geezer it's on!_

_You're just mad 'cause your ass is old_

_And when I bring back my date to my place we groan_

_Poundin' on my front door_

_Oh hell no, old geezer it's on!_

_You're just mad 'cause your ass is old_

_Whenever I have a few drinks I make loud noises in my home_

_You nail a note onto the door_

_Oh hell no—you ain't the land lord—old geezer it's on!_

_You're just mad 'cause your ass is old_

_You get angry when I'm talkin' loud on the phone_

_You throw crap at the window when you think I'm home_

_Oh hell no, old geezer it's on!_

_Yeah had on the police knock on my door when he called them on the ringer_

_So now I'll just give this old dick the finger!_

_That pervy geez_

_He better not try to make a pass on me_

_'Cause I'll stomp him in the nuts, stomp in the nuts_

_If he tries to touch my boobs I'll stomp him in the nuts!_

_'Cause I'm YK Crazy and I just don't give a f—_" The song instantly cut out mid swear when the old man threw a book at the TV, turning it into a ruined glass box.

The black haired boy started to laugh. "Oh man that was crazy!"

The elderly man's face contorted into a rage filled grimace. "What the hell was that?"

His face lit up the boy turned towards his grandfather before saying, "don't tell me that you didn't think that was great!"

"Who on Earth was that stupid woman on TV?" the grandfather cried. His hands were doing their best to crush the arms of the chair he was sitting in.

The boy laughed. "She's that neighbor of ours that you're always complaining about Grandpa. You should have recognized her after all those times when you knocked on her door and screamed for her to 'get your insolent, vixen ass out here!'" The boy nearly cried with mirth.

A loud whack quickly silenced the boy. "Why are you on her side?" the grandfather screamed.

"You're just angry because she's right!" he sobbed, "and that hurt!" The boy rubbed the spot on his head before he almost cried like a girl.

"I'll show that obnoxious Tanizaki woman who's an old geezer!"

"Grandpa you are an old geezer!"

"You insolent little brat!"

Back at the apartment Tomo, Kagura and Sakaki had just finished watching the same music video. "That's why I was behaving differently today," Sakaki explained, "I'm really into Yukari's new single."

"This is what made you say stomp 'em in the nuts?" Kagura wondered why everything was weird today. "I never thought that you'd be into this kind of music." _And I never knew that you were so easily influenced._

"To be honest I didn't think that I'd like it at first when Yukari called me up to show it to me. But after hearing the song a few times it kind of grew on me."

"So why did you kick Yukari out of our apartment?"

"The song isn't that great."

"Okay," said Kagura, "you still seem a little off to me."

"I noticed that myself," said Sakaki, "I suppose your personality is starting to rub off on me. It's kinda freaking me out to be honest. I mean I used to be so much more reserved."

"I'm surprised that you're taking living with Kagura so well, Sakaki," said Tomo, "especially considering the fact that she's g—"

"I am not!"

"To be honest," said Sakaki, "none of us believe you at this point in time, especially after that conversation we had during chess and with Yukari. Sorry Kagura but there's just no way for you to convince us." Sakaki then yawned. "I'm going to bed. Don't peek at me in the shower. You two just, make out or whatever."

"We are not going to do that!"

Sakaki didn't bother to respond to Kagura's outburst. She then decided to make another joke about her friend.

"So does that also include peeking at me when I'm in the shower?"

"You're out of your mind."

"Wow, that's pervy."

"Shut up."


	28. If You Were Now We're Doing What?

"What a wonderful day! No roommate pestering me with very personal questions, what could get any better than this?"

"Hi Kagura!"

"Hi Sakaki," Kagura mumbled.

"I was just thinking. Yesterday Tomo kissed you, and you went to find her, and then you did, and then you guys probably would have kissed again if I hadn't said anything—"

"Can we stop talking about this please?" asked Kagura, "I'm sure we can find something more interesting to talk about in here. I mean first of all we could talk about that song you like or why on Earth we just started randomly playing chess or maybe even what we're going to have for breakfast."

Sakaki seemed to have not heard what Kagura had just finished saying. "If only there were some way to express my feelings about your closet lifestyle and feelings you try to pretend don't exist…." Sakaki tapped the tip of her chin in quiet thought. "I just thought of it!" The woman then hurried over to her computer and began to quickly pound on the keyboard in excitement. "Here!" Kagura found herself looking at some video on YouTube. Sakaki clicked on the link with a giggle. "I saw this thing so long ago and thought that it was wickedly funny but I never imagined that it could have any sort of real world usefulness."

Kagura felt her lips curve into a frown. "Is that thing called…?"

"_If You Were Gay, Roy_," said Sakaki, "it's about to start."

A strange red haired chibi thing appeared onscreen holding a strange pink object. "Ah, an afternoon alone with my favorite book, _Broadway Musicals of the 1940s_." The screen showed a pink rectangle with an image of Link with cat ears saying "Nya." The scene then shifted to the red haired person using the aforementioned book to try to hide a blue book labeled _Porn_. "No roommate to bother me, how could it get any better than this?"

"Oh hi, Rod!" a blue haired individual happily exclaimed.

"Hi Nickey," the red headed man mumbled in despair.

"Hey Rod," the blue haired person began to say as a think bubble with the words _I hate you_ appeared above the red headed one. "You'll never guess what happened to me on the subway this morning." An image of Link appeared, this time without an resemblance to a feline. "This guy was smilin' at me and talkin' to me…."

"That's very interesting," the red haired man sarcastically interjected.

"He was bein' real friendly." A blue book labeled _Pick Up Lines_ appeared over Link. "And I think he was comin' on to me. I think he might have thought, I was gay."

"So why are you telling me this?" the red haired man nervously asked, "why should I care? I don't care. What did you have for lunch today?"

"Well you don't have to get all defensive about it—"

"I'M NOT GETTING DEFENSIVE!"

There was a brief lull in the conversation as the blue haired man faced a corner with that blue aura of hurt around him.

The red haired man sighed before asking his roommate, "why do I care about some gay guy you met? I am trying to read."

"Well I didn't mean anything by it Rod, I, I just think it's something we should be able to talk about."

"Well I do not want to talk about it Nickey this conversation is over."

"Yeah but Rod—"

"Over!"

A catchy tune began to play as the blue haired man started to speak again. "Well okay. But just so you know…." He then began to sing.

"_If you were gay_

_ That'd be okay._" The words _OMG He's Singing _appeared next to the head of the red haired man.

"_I mean 'cause hey_

_ I'd like you anyway._

_Because you see if it were me—e_

_ I would feel free to say that I was gay_

_ But I'm not gay!_"

"Nickey please, I am trying to read."

"_If you were queer._"

"Ah, Nickey!"

"_I'd still be here._"

"Nickey I am trying to read this book."

"_Year after year_

_ Because you're dear to me._

_ And I know that you_

_ Would accept me too!_"

"I would?"

"_If I told you today, hey guess what I'm gay_

_ But I'm not gay!_

_ I'm happy just being with you_

_ So what should it matter to me what you do in bed with guys?_

"Nickey that is wrong!"

"No it's not!

_If you were gay_

_ I'd shout, hooray!_"

"I am not listening!"

"_And here I'd stay_

_ But I wouldn't get in your way._

_ You can count on me_

_ To always be_

_ Beside you everyday_

_ To tell you it's okay_

_ You were just born that way_

_ And as they say it's in your DNA_

_ You're gay!_"

"I am not gay!"

"If you were gay—"

The blue haired individual was cut out by a scream and the video was over.

"Wait a minute," said Kagura, "wasn't that blue guy Marth?"

"Yep," said Sakaki.

"So why did that red haired one keep calling him Nickey?"

"Well this audio was borrowed from _Avenue Q_," Sakaki explained.

"Borrowed from what?"

"A Broadway musical starring puppets." Kagura's blank stare made Sakaki feel nervous. "And in the play Rod turns out to be a closet homosexual."

"And you thought that the best way to explain your perceived notions of who I am as an individual would be best described by a YouTube video using lines from a play involving puppets?"

"Well Rod is obviously gay in the play—"

"I, I am not obviously gay!" Kagura then cringed. "I mean I'm not gay at all!" she snapped, "and why are you so interested in making me out to be gay anyways, huh? Maybe you're gay!"

"No," said Sakaki, "it's just that I want you to be happy Kagura, and admitting that you're a lesbian might do just that."

"I am not a lesbian!"

"Kagura is a lesbian?"

"Coach?" Kagura fearfully shrieked, "what are you doing here?"

"I came here looking for Yukari, she's been driving me crazy recently!" The PE teacher began to growl and looked as if she might just grab a chair and smash it into a desk. The two roommates traded a nervous glance. Kurosawa took a deep breath before she spoke again. "So you wanna chillax with me sometime Kagura?" the woman begged, hopeful that she would say yes.

"Uh…."

"Maybe my timing was off right then, what I meant to say was that if you'd like to be more than friends then I'd be very happy to hear that. But I mean we can just stay friends if you're more comfortable with that…." her voice nervously trailed off into that place where our voices go when we sense rejection approaching on the back of Seabiscuit.

"I think I need to take a walk…." Kagura gave an awkward anime smile as she crab walked to the door.

"What just happened?" asked Minamo.

"I think she just wants to be friends with you Ms. Kurosawa."

"That does it!" Minamo screamed, "I need to make a diss record against Yukari!"

"What does that have to do with anything?" asked Sakaki, who was unable to follow the current that events were quickly being swept along.

"Some old dude with a weird beard and weird hair asked me if I wanted to make one and I was on the fence," the PE teacher explained, "would you like to be a part of it?"

"Um…."

"Great, let's roll!"

Sakaki found herself being led by the arm out of her apartment. "But I need to lock the door!" she cried as she was quickly forced into Minamo's car and the two of them headed down towards the recording studio. _I should call Tomo to come watch the place…scratch that I'll call Chirhiro, she's so much more responsible._


	29. Your Song How Do I Put This?

"Are you sure that this is such a good idea, Ms. Kurosawa?" Sakaki asked as the PE teacher stood in front of her behind glass, ready to begin recording. "I mean you can't rap, can you?"

"There's more to music than rap," said Minamo, "besides if Yukari can be popular so can I!"

"Why are you trying to upset her again?" Sakaki asked.

"I already told you!"

"When did you do that?" asked Sakaki, "you were yelling about her stealing your 'love' but I don't remember her ever showing an interest in Kagur—"

"I was talking about someone else!"

"What?"

"It's a guy!"

Sakaki's chin dipped to the floor of the recording studio before she brought it back to her top lip. Though there had only been a speck of time in which any space had separated her lips Minamo's face had nearly burned up while her hands popped with a terrible rage. Sakaki looked down and covered her mouth with her hand.

"Okay," said Minamo to the man operating the equipment, "can we make my voice a little louder please?" The man fiddled with the machine. "Louder. Okay that's too loud, can we just bring it back to the first noise setting?"

"Ms. Kurosawa?" asked Sakaki, "why did you drag me along with you?"

"Well, I need you to be around for moral support."

Sakaki had a worried look on her face but remained silent as a strangely familiar tune began to fill the air.

"_She's stupid_

_Like a brick wall._

_I've got a premonition_

_That girl's gonna make me bawl!_

_She's a source of frustration_

_A bitch alright_

_And her addiction_

_Bugs me day and night!_

_She'll make you go bat shit crazy._

_Completely insane!_

_She'll make you wonder why you don't take away your pain_

_With a bullet to her brain!_

_Crazy in and crazy out_

_She'll drive you __¡__loca!_

_She'll push you around_

_She'll drive you __¡__loca!_

_Her plans are devilish_

_And you'll wanna punch her in the __¡__boca!_

_Woke up feelin' shitty_

_My clothes had a funny smell._

_She made me spend all my money_

_And probably slipped me a sleepin' pill._

_She never drinks the water makes you order French champagne._

_Once you've had to deal with her you'll never be the same_

_Yeah she'll make you go insane!_

_Sob._

_Oh great what now?_

_She's just plain __¡__loca!_

_She'll treat you like a clown_

_And drive you __¡__loca!_

_She'll make your eyes turn red_

_She's had one too many mochas._

_She'll make you pay for everything but never return the fav!_

_She'll make you wonder why you don't take away your pain_

_With a bullet to her brain!_

_She'll drag you around_

_Despite how fuel costs are __¡__loca!_

_She will wear down_

_Driving you __¡__loca!_

_You'll just wanna punch her in the __¡__boca!_"

The music died away after Minamo was silent for several seconds.

Sakaki had a clear frown on her face. "You just copied Ricky Martin!" she snapped, "and his song was way better!"

"Huh?" said a confused Minamo, "no I didn't—"

"Are you kidding me? It has the same background music! There's no way any company is going to market this blatant copyright infringement!"

"Whadda ya mean? 'Weird Al' Yankovic does this all the time!"

"He asks the artists for permission first!" Sakaki bellowed, "and secondly his are actually good!"

"Sakaki, you're acting so differently from…forever. When did you become so forceful and outspoken?" asked Minamo.

"Kagura said that same thing to me." Sakaki shrugged as her answer. Then a question slashed its way from Sakaki's brain to her mouth in an instant. "Didn't you say that there was a guy you liked? But I thought you liked Kagura, and she's a, she. So are you a lesbian or not?"

"What? That has nothing to do with any of the things we've done today!" snapped Minamo, "can we focus on me and my song?"

"You mean my song and—"

The tall girl then heard a small, pained grumble. Sakaki gently rubbed her hand against her stomach.

"What are we doing for lunch?"

"Maybe we could get some sushi?"

"Sounds good."

"Who's going to pay?"

"Don't you have money?" asked Sakaki.

"What?"

"I said—"

"No," snapped Minamo, "what I meant was that you're sounding a lot like Yukari, the person I am angrier with than anyone else in the world right now!" Minamo huffed like she had run a marathon.

"But you do make money off of your CDs don't you Ms. Kuro—"

"Gah! That's not the point!" Minamo threw her headphones at the glass. "Just what kind of friend are you?"

Sakaki frowned. "You don't have to be angry with me," she looked down, "I wasn't trying to hurt your feelings, Ms. Kurosawa." She sniffled for a moment. "I didn't realize I was saying hurtful things to you." She sighed. "I'll just go home."

"What?"

"You've been saying that forever," said the techie.

"Will you be quiet? I'm trying to keep my friend from—" She heard a door close, gently. "Crap, so are we going to try and market this single?"

"You mean the thing you sang that was an insult to Ricky Martin?"

"Oh be quiet. I need to talk to Sakaki anyways." And with that she rushed out of the studio.

"What am I supposed to do with this song?" asked the techie. He drummed his fingers against his chin for a minute. "I'll decide on this after lunch, or let someone else." Suddenly his face was lit up by a smile. "Now what am I going to do for lunch? Something with fish I suppose…but what?"

"Hey Osaka!"

"Yeah Chihiro?"

"What are we gonna do today? We're gonna make fun of Kao-o-o, hwha? What are you doing here Kaorin? Hey did I tell you about my latest greatest idea? I think I found something that perfectly models our activities to a 'T!' It's sung by my favorite, one of my favorites." A hand suddenly appeared on Chihiro's shoulder.

"You are not gonna try to convince me that _Last Friday Night_ describes what we do again are you?"

Chihiro nodded.

Kaorin sighed. "How on Earth would you come to that conclusion? What do we do that possibly reminds you of a song like that one? We never do anything that crazy!"

"What about the time we got arrested?" asked Chihiro, "you can't tell me that wasn't crazy!"

"Are you, excited about that?"

"Anxious is the word."

"You and your fancy words," said Kaorin, "at least I have a boyfriend!"

"Hey! Mine dumped me, all right?"

"When did that happen?" asked Osaka.

"I don't wanna talk about it!" Chihiro cried, "I was just jealous of Kaorin is all!"

"Wow," said Osaka, "so do you think Yomi is a lesbian?"

"I don't see how she couldn't be," said Chihiro, "haven't you met her? I don't remember her ever talking about a guy ever. I mean, ya know?"

"She did mention a guy once," said Osaka, "when she was getting contacts an—"

"Really?" Chihiro grabbed a hold of Osaka. "We have to meet her and ask her all about it! I never expected her or Kagura to ever be straight! We should have a get together and bug Yomi at it!"

"When?"

"In 31…I mean tonight!"


	30. Pre Party Hours

There was a tap, tap, tapping on Yomi's front door. She opened it up to see her annoying friends once more. Sighing in disbelief she invited them in and closed the door behind them.

A quick outburst startled her a touch. "We're throwing a party!" Chihiro happily cried, "and you're a part of it!" Yomi blinked for a moment in disbelief at what she was being told.

"So will you be at this address at seven?"

"Um, sure?"

"Cool! Now we're going, don't be late!"

She watched as Chihiro and her small entourage walked out the door waving good bye. As she closed the door she realized how bored/confused she was at that moment.

_Now what am I going to—?_

"Hiyah!"

The door was quickly kicked in. A very annoyed Yomi muttered under her breath as her overly energetic roommate busted in. A small envelope in her hands.

"I got my paycheck! Let's see how friggin' much I earned this week!"

"Why do you always have to try to be more entertaining than me?" Yomi grumbled as her childish friend ripped the top off her envelope.

"Just kidding," said Tomo, "see? It's empty!"

"Don't shove it in my face!"

"Hmph!" the "Wildcat" muttered as she turned away. "Anyways…there's something I need to talk about. I just, don't know where to begin." The young woman tapped her fingers together. She took in a quick gulp. "I…I…I, I can't. I mean; I wanna tell you about how I feel. But; I just _can't_ tell you about how I feel." She glanced downward for a moment. "No!" Her head jerked up. "I…I think, that I have…a girlfriend," her voice sounded as if it couldn't move an autumn leaf as it drifted towards the Earth. So naturally Yomi didn't hear what she said.

"Huh? What did you say?"

"That I have a…grfnd," Tomo mumbled.

"A what?"

"Um, maybe it'll be easier to write it."

"Do you need Chiyo to show you again?"

"Dammit Yomi! This is a serious matter, it is of grave consequence!"

"When did you become a thesaurus?"

"Fucking God, sometimes I just hate you!"

"I hate you more!"

"Liar I hate _you_ more!"

Yomi yawned. "All this is boring me. So what did you want to tell me?"

"I think, maybe I should just retell what happened today."

"So why don't you?"

"Yomi I swear to God—"

"Are you going to tell me or not?"

"Okay, here goes….

It was a bright and happy spring day as Tomo walked down the street. With a happy skip she traversed across the multitudes of grey colors that made up the side walk. She hummed a little ditty with a gay smile etched into her features.

"Hi Tomo!" a friendly voice sang out.

She quickly turned around to see who had greeted her.

"Oh hi!" she chimed with a super happy voice, "and what are you doing this fine afternoon?"

"Wait a minute," said Yomi, "it's only two PM now."

"Don't interrupt okay? Think you can manage that Chunky Pony?" They shot each other hate filled eyes for a couple of seconds. "Now, continuing on….

"What are you doing this pleasant spring morning, where the petals are dancing and stuff?"

"I was just walking to the store when I saw the nicest, sweetest, smartest person in the whole wide world!"

"Oh stop," said Tomo as she daintily waved her right hand, "you're making me blush. This is so embarrassing."

"But you're much more interesting and visually appealing than that boring, annoying, snore inducing Yomi. I heard that she once put a bucket in the path of a little girl's head when she was about to fall face first due to exhaustion."

"What? What evil will she not refrain from committing?"

"D-did you just insult me to my face?"

"I told you not to interrupt! It's gonna take forever to tell this story if you keep butting in!" she huffed. "Now please stay quiet won't you? Let's try this again….

Suddenly the tinkle of glass falling onto the street filled Tomo's well trained ears. Two ski mask wearing baddies came out of a jewelry store, a dark duffle bag across one's back, a Thompson machine gun in the other's. They looked around for a moment before running down the sidewalk.

"Oh no! Those two robbed the jewelry/orphanage that also saves little kittens from being run over by five ton garbage trucks and teaches troubled youth the value of education!"

"What?" Tomo's fist rose into the air. "This looks like a job for superstar officer Tomo Takino!"

She ran down the sidewalk as fast as she could.

"Oh no!" yelled out the one carrying the bag, "that incredibly skilled officer Takino is right behind us!"

"I'll stop her!" yelled the one with the Thompson machine gun.

"That one up ahead has stopped!" yelled Tomo, right before bullets started flying her way. She jumped up, doing a flip. "Learn not to shoot from the hip!" she yelled out as her foot smashed into his face knocking him to the ground. She then trussed him up like a turkey before running after the one with the bag.

"What? That officer is still right on me?" He stopped to turn around and face her. "We'll see how you like this officer Takino!" A yellow glow appeared around his right glove. When it had reached a blinding bright he pointed his palm towards her. "Now DIE!" The light shot straight towards Tomo.

"Something as weak as that could never defeat me!" she cried out, a blue light shot out of her palms. The two energies collided causing a massive explosion. The burglar flew forward with a girly scream. As the smoke cleared Tomo put her foot on top of the back of the defeated criminal. Striking a heroic pose she quickly cried out, "Now know this evildoers! Tomo Takino, defender of justice, is here to stop you and all of your criminal activities!"

"Mwhahahahaha!" said a voice as a giant metal object dropped from the sky.

"I should have known that you, Sekotor Nekal from Rigel 75, were behind those humanoid thieves that I just took out with the trash!" Tomo reached inside her coat. "With this P30 I vowed to destroy you after you blew up planet Mars just for fun and out of fear of your Martian ex-girlfriend's older brother beating you up for dumping her!"

"Tomo," Yomi groaned, "when will you start telling the story right? And just what the heck is a Thompson machine gun anyways?"

"You know, it's one of those things from those American gangster movies. You know when they hold the thing up and they go," Tomo began a brief pantomiming example. "Oh wait…it's called a sub machinegun."

"Will you just tell me the story, the real one this time?"

"Fine. Anyways so when I left today since I had a day off I moped and felt unhappy. So I went for a walk and then when I was getting out of the apartment complex I ran into Kagura. And, that's where it gets sort of complicated…. Basically we decided to, do stuff together."

"Huh?"

"Uh, hang out more."

"And you brought that up why?"

"Okay fine!" snapped Tomo, "I like Kagura!"

"Huh?"

"What are you stupid or something?" screamed Tomo, "I said—"

"Wait a minute, you told me you weren't a lesbian!"

"Well not for you," said Tomo waving her away, "I'm not desperate."

"I am not a lesbian!" Yomi cried.

"Since when?"

Yomi gave up at this point. "Why should I argue with you when you'll simply forget what you've been told an hour later? But now I can wear contacts! I should go put them in and never wear these glasses again!" She started to laugh in a manner that was best described as mad scientist-esque.

She quickly headed to the bathroom to find a mirror. In a minute or two she emerged, without those awful glasses on her face and looking surprisingly like Yomi Isayama, only without black hair, or really any resemblance at all. Or is that just me?

"So what do you think?" she asked, with her "new," attractive face.

"It's…not hard to improve on before."

"Oh you," Yomi teased, "I was always pretty, now I'm just even prettier. I feel so much prettier and happier now that I don't have those awful glasses!

_Oh I feel pretty_

_Oh so pretty!_

_I feel pretty and witty and gay!_

_And I pity any girl who isn't me today!_"

"That's a pretty stuck up way to think," Tomo quipped.

"I understand how you might feel inclined to dislike the difference between you and I," Yomi apologized, "but you can't let these differences that can never be overcome upset you. Plus you don't have a bust compared to mine!"

"Sh-shut up!"

"So are you going to the party tonight?"

"I heard that I don't have to pay for anything so why wouldn't I go to this shindig?"

"Maybe your girlfriend will be there."

"She is not! She's thinking about it!" Then Tomo paused for a moment. "Sakaki's been weird lately."

"You mean acting weird, or looking weird, or…?"

"Acting, she's so much less Sakaki and more…like someone with a spine. It kind of makes her more interesting."

"Maybe she's dating your crush."

"Don't say that! That would never happen anyways!"

"You don't sound very confident about that Tomo."

"Well, I guess I'm not."

"You do know Sakaki is straight right? Unlike you and Minamo?"

"Says you, the person who I think is a lesbian!"

"Without my glasses on I've realized how ineffective your insults are, since now I feel so much better about my physical appearance. And now I need to drink some water."

"Why's that?"

"Osaka said that you need to stay hydrated when wearing contacts."

"You're trusting what Osaka says?"

"She actually knows what she's talking about with this eye care stuff. Plus I think she's stopped spacing out, somehow."

"I wonder what's made Sakaki act so differently?" asked Tomo.

"Who knows?" said Yomi, "it's still a couple of hours till the party, well more like five hours. What should we do in the meantime?"

"I should probably do some range practice for work," said Tomo, "I mean what if I actually have to shoot at someone who's trying to kill me one of these days? I should keep my skills sharp. Plus this thing looks so cool!"

"Don't pull out your gun in the apartment!" Yomi snapped, "what is that thing anyways?"

"Isn't it cool looking?"

"Why do you have it in your coat?"

"Uh, because I can? Duh."

"It's a little disturbing."

"This is that one I mentioned in my story."

"It's a sub machinegun?"

"No it's a P30," said Tomo, "it's by Heckler and Koch."

"Coke?" asked Yomi.

"Yeps," said Tomo, "I bet you don't know anything about them. Super jealous aren't you?"

"No."

"Not even a little?"

"Not even a smidge," said Yomi, "now I need to decide what it is I'll wear to the party. I never cared about my clothing before my appearance got benefited by my new contacts. What do you think would be best for me to wear to this shindig?"

"Wow, even tomboy Kagura worries enough about her appearance to know what to wear to a party. Why don't you just wear one of those lame math shirts?"

"You know what, fuck you and your ideas. My wardrobe selection is much better."

Tomo rolled her eyes, "whatever, I have at least four hours to practice with this."

"Don't be late to pick me up, we only have one car after all."

"Yeah, yeah whatever."

"Are you sure that we should have a party just to irritate Yomi?" Kaorin asked.

"Chillax," said Chihiro, "we'll be fine."

"You mean _we'll_ be okay," Kaorin pointed at Osaka, "since we won't be bugging her the whole time asking about her crushes. That means we won't get attacked by that crazy nerd."

"You're saying that she'll attack us?" Chihiro then started to laugh. "No she won't. She only attacks Tomo, remember?" She shook her head with a smile. "This is our chance to get back at her for every single thing she's ever done to us that deserves retribution. So whadda ya say?"

"I can finally get back at her for all those times that she taunted me with Photoshops of Sakaki!"

"Wait," said a confused Chihiro, "I thought you got over that?"

"It still kinda pisses me off whenever I think about it," Kaorin replied with a shrug, "I mean seriously, what the hell?"

"This'll be my chance to get her back for that time she made me eat that horribly spicy stuff and just standing there as people beat up on me while I was trying to lose the hiccups!"

"I heard about that," said Chihiro, "harsh treatment."

"And all those times she treated me like I was some sort of mentally deficient person. Oh, and those times she made fun of my spacing out by asking if I blasted off to the freakin' moon! Or all those times she walked quickly while holding my stuff above her head so I couldn't get it back! And every day she would whisper comments about how I was plain looking and could never get a boyfriend! And she said that I would never be able to survive on my own! Not to mention those times that she took away my kick board during swimming nearly causing me to cry!"

"But, that was Tomo."

"It was hard to tell in the heat of the moment. I mean water was splashing everywhere and all."

"Yomi really did all those things to you?" asked Chihiro.

"Now that I think about, I'm not entirely sure. It could have been that some of those things were actually done by Tomo and the sheer stress made me unable to tell that years later."

"Really?"

"Hell no, she was so mean to me!" Osaka's hands then clasped together connivingly. "Now I have the opportunity to make her feel horrible. This will be the best night ever!"

"I don't get it," said Kaorin.

"That's not important. What is important is that we don't accidentally have this irritate annoying Mc Bitchy party turn into a we get skinned alive by a pissed off possible closet stalker." Chihiro pointed straight up into the air with her finger. "And to do that we'll get my sister to use sweet words to keep that crazy four eyes from beating us to death!"

"You mean to keep her from beating _you_ to death," said Kaorin, "since we'll remind her that the party was _your_ idea after all."

"Come on, bros before…wait we're not guys. But you both know what I mean right?"

"That we won't be stupid enough to mess with a girl who could beat our faces like bongo drums and that if you're really that crazy we should just stand back and let you go do it?"

"Kaorin you traitor!"

Kaorin rolled her eyes, annoyed by her normally sane friend's ridiculous dialogue. Before she could be berated again; Kaorin waved her away before she turned to Osaka. "How many people are coming to this crazy thing again?"

"I dunno, you'd have to ask Chihiro about something like that."

"Just as long as she doesn't pick out the music for the party."

"And just what is wrong with my choice in music? 'Ey ex-Sakaki lover?"

"Shut up. And first of all you like songs by DeRülo, and Nicky Minaj, plus Khalifa, and even that _G6_ song."

"Oh come on!" Chihiro snapped, "just what is wrong with _Like a G6_? Or for that matter Jason DeRülo? I have a perfectly fine taste in music, okay?"

"That _G6 _is basically the same five sentences being auto tuned into a three plus minute monstrosity!" Kaorin complained, "there's nothing appealing about it. How on Earth did it ever become a single?" her rhetorical question filled with revulsion. "Secondly DeRülo has no talent whatsoever when it comes to making songs! I've never heard worse music than his!"

"That's what you say about every song or artist you don't like," said a peeved Chihiro. "And you like _Whatcha Say_ and you were the first person I knew to download _Like a G6_ and you like _Don't Wanna Go Home_. Plus you said before that you thought _I Roll Up_ was a good song. Not to mention you listen to that Usher song featuring Nicky Minaj all the time. So don't start complaining about my choice in songs when you basically make the same freakin' choices! I mean you're a bigger Far East Movement fan than I am."

"Yeah? Well you seem to like any song which has come out in the past twenty seconds!" yelled an aggravated Kaorin.

"Nuh uh!"

"_Friday Night_."

"Hey! I do not like that song simply because it came out recently. I don't like _Born This Way_ or _What's My Name?_ so I guess I don't instantly fall in love with every new song that comes out, huh Kaorin!"

"You just turned a question into a statement!"

"So what if I did?"

"You just did it again!"

"Not really!"

The two friends growled at each other before they were interrupted.

"Are y'all still arguing about the music?" asked Osaka, "because we outsourced that to Ms. Kurosawa remember?"

"Well then we don't have to worry about the music choice then," said Chihiro, "she can pick music that is both decent and popular." But her statement soon faced alarmed opposition.

"Oh no!" Kaorin cried! "She'll use this party as an attempt to market her terrible songs!"

"What if she uses it as a way to market her good songs?" asked Chihiro.

"Does she have any?"

"I would assume so, didn't the album sell like crazy?"

"It only sold a hundred units in the months it's been out. It might just be the least profitable CD in music history that was ever mass produced. In fact I've seen stores dumping them into the nearest garbage truck," Kaorin responded.

"Oh, so it's just like what would happen if a Beegees album appeared after two thousand."

"Who are the Beegees?" asked Osaka.

"I was hoping you knew," Chihiro told the spacey girl, "and now you've just shattered my hopes of that reality being true."

"I wonder how Kurosawa's doing," Kaorin remarked, "I haven't seen her in…." The woman paused for a moment as her finger tapped against the bottom of her chin. "Actually I have no idea when the last time I saw her was. But I remember that she has a monster crush on Kagura. Which is kinda creepy when I think about how much they hung out together when Kagura was only fifteen, sixteen, seventeen, and eighteen years old. I dunno it seems kinda weird that someone would be attracted to someone who was probably ten years younger than they were. But you know, I really wonder how she's doing right about now…."

"Sorry about earlier today Sakaki. I mean before I was just…well I won't try to pass off what I did as perfectly reasonable. Let's just say that a certain someone had pissed me off to an incredible extent and I was unable to contain my bitter emotions any longer than that." She quickly shoved food into her mouth to have the luxury of not saying anymore.

"Okay, I was pretty upset too. By that song. It still makes me feel anger and despair to be honest. It's like some sort of horrible recreation of a great Ricky Martin song."

"I remember when I first heard his _Livin' La Vida Loca_ single," said Minamo, "and then I remember the first time that I saw him on TV. I thought he was _so handsome!_ And," she lowered her voice a little, "to be honest, I've had a crush on him ever since. I know it's sort of weird to say this but I have kind of had some fantasies about dating him."

"But you do realize he's gay right?"

"No he isn't," said Minamo, "they asked him about that over ten years ago and he said he wasn't."

"But he admitted to being gay in 2010."

"No," said Minamo in a playful voice, "you're kidding." Then Minamo gulped as she saw the serious features on Sakaki's face. "Please tell me this is some sort of joke."

"See," she said as she held up an Android, "it says right here on Wikipedia."

"Well that's just—"

"And on his website."

"What?" There was a brief moment where Minamo's eyes darted across the lines of text on the LCD screen in front of her. Then she pushed herself away from the table. She felt her bottom fall onto the hard floor underneath the table and her food. Her fingers dug into the floor and she pointed her face towards the sky.

"NOOO!"

"I hear he has a boyfriend."

"NOOO!"

"I think you're making a bigger deal of this than you really need to Ms. Kurosawa. It's not the end of the world. Life goes on."

"The hell it does!"

Then Minamo noticed a familiar face sitting at a nearby table. "Hey tech guy with the dead end job, what did you do with my song?" In response a small flash drive was thrown at her, landing on her table and spinning to a stop. "That's it, see if I ever speak to you again asshole!"

"Can I go home?" asked Sakaki.

"After you pay for lunch."

"I refuse to pay for something that you called an apology meal," said Sakaki, "frankly, it sucked. As a both a meal and an apology. I'm honestly confused by whatever notion came into your head and convinced you that this was a good…." Sakaki felt her pocket buzz. She looked at her phone. "I got a text from Kagura. _Do wnt go prty t sivun!_ Why did she send it in English? It would have made more sense if it was in kanji, or if she could actually write in English." She quickly sent a reply. And the one she got back was even less clear. "Maybe she's just illiterate? I mean she sent a bunch of characters that don't really go together at all. I just don't get it." Sakaki shrugged and was just about to call when—

"She must be talking about that party I need to provide the music for!" Kurosawa chimed. "You wanna go to it? It's at seven, I'll take you there!"

"You're not going to drag me along with you to something again?" Sakaki had a worried look as she asked her the question, "I don't want to be drug around like some sort of tagalong sidekick. I am not going to be seen as some sort of crony am I?"

"What do you mean?"

"Like someone who's forced to do or go with whatever someone plans whether she really needs to or not."

"Why did you use the word crony then?"

"Uh, I guess I'm not that good with choosing words. So what? What's this party going to be about?"

"I think it's just a get together," said Kurosawa, "I just can't beieve that Ricky Martin is…not going to ever fall in love with me!"

"Why would you ever think that he would?" asked Sakaki, "He's never met you before and I doubt that he would ever get into a situation where he would be able to meet up with you. Maybe you shouldn't have these sorts of impossible fantasies."

"You've had them before I bet!"

"No, not me, never."

"Oh come on."

"I have a boyfriend."

"Oh yeah?"

"I think I'll go to the party with him, I've never shown him to my friends before. I think he would like to meet them all. But I don't know if he'd like them or not. He can be a little touchy at times and I'm worried that Tomo might push him a bit too far."

"Why am I the only single person in our group of friends?" asked Minamo.

"I think Chihiro is also single, plus Yomi."

"That's not exactly comforting. So you are going to that party?"

Sakaki shrugged.

"That's not much of an answer."

"Please take me home," said Sakaki, "I need to make sure Chihiro is still watching the apartment."

"Hey," said Kaorin, "weren't you supposed to be doing something, Chihiro?"

The woman paused for a moment to think.

"I honestly can't remember."


	31. Ninjas vs Pirates Remix

Sakaki waved goodbye as Minamo dropped her off. The woman sighed before she went inside her apartment. There was one thing that worried Sakaki immensely as she opened the door. The door was already wide open, when she hadn't been home. She quickly went inside to see what had happened. Everything seemed fine. All of the expensive silverware was still there. The money was still on the counter top. And the Xbox was still red ringed to death. She let out a sigh of relief. But hidden behind her a shape sat poised to strike. When Sakaki was the most distracted it pounced.

"This is for the ninjas of the world, pirate lover!"

Sakaki turned to see Kagura leaping out at her. Sakaki's surprise instantly changed to good grief. She caught the tomboy's fist and knocked her to the ground with a single blow.

"You punch throats with the skill of a well read martial arts master," Kagura gasped as she clutched her throat.

"Frankly; you should never shout during a sneak attack. Besides; I would root for ninjas in any sort of 'ninjas vs x' discussion." Then Sakaki's face turned its dial from irritated to rage. "To think that a bunch of drunken, idiotic, no bathers would ever be considered capable of defeating the highly trained, well equipped, legendary ninja!"

"I think that the discussion was whether _One Piece_ was better than _Naruto_."

"What are you talking about kids shows for?" asked Sakaki, "I don't look like I'm five years old do I?"

"Wow Sakaki," Kagura grunted as she was still lying on the floor in pain, "when did you become cool— Gyuak!" she cried when Sakaki stomped on her stomach, not that hard.

"Whatever," she yawned, "who seriously gives a damn?"

"You're as cold and heartless as a ton of our schoolmates always thought you were now," Kagura noted with glee, despite being on the floor in discomfort, "I never knew that you could be this interesting— Don't kick me again!"

"Like I'd waste my energy. So kicking you while you're down makes me cool somehow?"

"No," she gasped, "what makes you cool is how you blocked my attack and then countered with enough time to first look irritated before doing it. The kicking me in the stomach kind of detracts from it a whole lot." Kagura moaned as she rubbed her sore spots. "When did you learn to do stuff like that?"

"I've known how to do that for a while now," Sakaki replied, "ever since my dad was worried that boys would like me too much he took me to learn how to fight like one of those people who later become famous for taking part in international movies. He never stopped to listen to how much I wanted to do ballet lessons instead. So I used every punch and kick to take out my frustration with having to do those stupid martial arts crap things and my mom being allergic to cats so I couldn't have a kitten and also because they said that a puppy wouldn't work since we didn't have a yard and my pet hamster chewed through the cardboard box before I could get it home!" Sakaki then shrugged her shoulders. "Everything else seemed to work out pretty well, veterinary classes are going well."

"I forgot that you wanted to be a veterinarian," Kagura replied, "can you help me off of the floor?"

"Yeah sorry."

"You're cool but you still remember us little people."

"Why are you acting like I became some sort of movie star who never hangs out with you anymore?" Sakaki asked, "it's a little mean. I mean sure I'm different now but not really that different. All that happened was that my backbone developed. Took it long enough."

Yomi sat on her bed giggling with glee. _Oh my gosh_, she cheered, _I never realized that picking out clothes could be so much fun! But now that I think about it…what do I know about picking out clothes?_ She pouted. _Maybe sending Tomo away was a bad idea after all. Aw what does she know about clothing anyways?_

_Now I need to find someone who does know something about clothing. Maybe my fanfic friends can help out…wait I don't have any of those. Everyone on that site hates me for putting up a comedy that used a different approach to a popular character's personality. I can't believe people are still complaining about that thing even though it was put up so long ago! There must be some sort of rationale for this. I just can't accept all of the hatred it generated. The ridiculous levels of malice laced text are simply horrid. It's like having a bunch of Tomos read all about my things over and over and over again!_

_I still can't believe that my professor said that my glasses sometimes looked creepy when I talked to him. He said that I reminded him of a stalker, what the hell? Who would think that it's a good thing to say to a student? See if I ever go to your class again Bore-a-saurus!_

_I suddenly feel the urge to go type something. And then after that eat something. And then after that spy out of the windows with binoculars and cackle wickedly before seven. Why do all my thoughts sound like some sort of crazy monologue? I'm just glad that I don't think out loud like that P.E….whatever. That was really, really weird._

_Oh I almost forgot! I should just ask Sakaki what I should wear. Maybe she'll come over to help me pick something out!_

Yomi couldn't help but smile at the prospect that her friend might come over. It seems her constant isolation from humans has begun to make her go slightly insane. She should probably try bird watching or maybe even kayaking, anything to get some sun, she's reminding me of a female Dracula at this point. I just hope she doesn't want to cosplay as Bella after all that weird crap happened in _Breaking Dawn_, you know what I mean. Then again that's most of the series right there, weird.

"Why do I feel like I'm being insulted?" Yomi muttered as she began to dial Sakaki's number.

Sakaki noticed that her pocket was buzzing to life.

"Who's that?" asked Kagura as the two of them sat on their white couch.

"Let's see." Sakaki pulled the phone out of her pocket. Her eyes turned to slits. She quickly turned the phone down to vibrate before she let out a small hiss.

"Who was it?"

"A pain."


	32. And Now the Party Nears

"So who was it?" asked Kagura.

"A pain in my ass."

"Okay, but who is that?" asked the tomboy.

Her friend rolled her eyes instead of answering.

"You're starting to become kind of a jerk, Sakaki. So why exactly is that?"

"I am not becoming a jerk," Sakaki replied. "You just need to understand that I have a complex personality that cannot simply be thought of as either rude or passive. Besides, being passive sucks. People treat you like a doormat when you never speak up about anything."

Kagura had a little difficulty following what had been said. "Was it Tomo who called?"

"No, it was a different pain in the ass. She's recently become someone that I just hate. I can't believe that she…I can't even say it. Rest assured that she is one of my least favorite people in the world now."

Kagura tapped her chin for a moment. "Oh," she said abruptly, "so it was Yomi. I think you might be taking your disapproval of her a little too far. You should give a second chance."

"The hell I will."

"See? It's good to have that sort of positive attitude."

Sakaki facepalmed in disbelief. She looked Kagura square in the eyes before shaking her head from side to side.

"I'm just kidding I know what that means. But you really should give her another chance. She's nice to you. Maybe she likes y—"

A hand covered Kagura's mouth. The tomboy's angry and confused mumbles were silenced by a sword-like glare from Sakaki's eyes. Kagura felt a chill run down her spine as her height seemed to shrink while her tall dark haired friend's stare held her tongue like a vice.

"Don't—even—think—it." Sakaki then softened her eyes. Her hand left Kagura's mouth. She heard her short friend breathe in a lungful of air. "Sorry. I don't know what came over me. But it's only three and we still have three hours to kill."

"Four hours."

"Right, four hours to kill so we should really find something to—"

Sakaki was interrupted by her cell phone.

"Why does this keep happening?" she mumbled before accepting the call.

"When did you get an android?"

"Kagura I'm on the phone! Uh huh? Why do you…oh? Uh, sure I guess…." Sakaki let out a sigh. "You're not gonna believe it but Minamo called me and wants me to help her with some song. I just hope that this one isn't another rip off of an already popular beat."

"You'd expect that more from Yukari than Co-Kuro-Coach. I just can't call her anything else."

"Are you sure that you don't have any feelings for Kurosawa? I mean she's old but she's not really so bad, and she's not really old either she's just thirty, I think. On second thought she is old. Anyone who's more than five years older than me is old," Sakaki said.

"Why would I have a crush on Coach?"

"I dunno. Somehow it makes sense. Then again so does Yomi thinking strange thoughts about me and my animal obsession. I wouldn't really call it an obsession though. I mean if I obsessed over animals then I would have a million pets and be on one of those disturbing television series. I just don't—"

"Ugh, you've become even more boring than before!" Kagura whined. "At least before you didn't just talk nonstop about boring crap like this!"

"I think I'm going to wait for Nyamo—"

"Coach!"

"Shut up, shut up, I'm going now." Sakaki glanced at Kagura from over her shoulder. "Make sure you don't leave the door unlocked okay?"

"Are you calling me an idiot?"

"What?" Sakaki waved a goodbye to her friend. Long flowing hair trailed after her as she walked towards the door of their apartment. She stopped at the door. Leaning against the frame with her left hand she turned her head back towards Kagura a final time. "I'll see you at the party."

"Fine," Kagura replied, her arms crossed tight against her chest.

"I see I get such a heartwarming adieu now," Sakaki smirked as she walked out the front door.

"She's getting real nasty," said Kagura as she sat down on the couch. "She really needs some sort of attitude adjustment."

Kagura let the issue go for the moment as she went back to trying to be good at Call of Duty: Black Ops. But she was still sucktastic at it.

"I hate this poorly made piece of shit!" she screamed as her controller flew onto the floor. "I'm never playing this stupid game again!" Kagura sighed in disbelief. Maya jumped up onto the couch to see what was going on. "Not you again. Every time you show up something bad happens to me." Maya titled his head. Kagura felt like grumbling at the cat's response. She'd never quite forgiven him for all of his pre-neutered sins against her. Odds were she never would because when a cat pees on your bed it's pretty hard to forgive it. Fucking thing.

"Okay so I have to live with this thing," she told herself, "because if he disappeared I think Sakaki just might kill me. I mean she shoved my head into the driver's side window when I didn't even say anything really negative about him. She doesn't have an obsession with animals my ass!" Kagura stood up. "This stupid couch is too hard. Now my butt is all sore."

Ding Dong.

"Who's that? It's only…six fifty." Kagura's hand met her face with a loud smack.

"_Will you open the door?_"

"Who are you?"

"_Uh, seriously? You don't remember who I am?_"

"No, why the hell else would I ask who you are?"

"_It's me Kaorin! Open the door already!_"

"Okay, okay," said Kagura as she made her way over. A small clunk from the dead bolt gave Kaorin the opportunity to come inside. As the woman took off her coat, a confused Kagura asked, "Aren't you going to the party?"

"What? No of course not!" Kaorin replied. "Going there would be one of the stupidest decisions I could ever make in my whole life!"

"Why do you say that?"

"Look it doesn't matter why I say that, all that matters is that I am not going to this stupid thing. That's why I drove over here, since you have an Xbox."

"Well I'm going," said Kagura, "could you drive me there?"

"Fine," Kaorin sighed, "just give me a key so I can get back in here. I think that going over there would be a mistake but you'll see that when you get there I suppose."

"That's a great endorsement," Kagura replied. "While you're at it why don't you just suck all the happiness out of our world."

"Well a big fuck you to you too," Kaorin responded, turning her back to Kagura. "You can just walk over there with that sort of attitude."

"Sorry," she apologized. "It's just that before you left Sakaki was being kind of a jerk and it sort of has me riled up still. Could you please take me there?"

"Yeah I'm sorry too."

"Aren't you still really a lesbian?" Kagura asked.

"Bite me."


	33. A Nasty Car Ride

Kaorin and Kagura sat in Kaorin's cheap ass car before they went to the party that's taken an annoyingly long time to come about. "So," Kaorin said to start off her conversation with Kagura, "why did you think I was lesbian?"

"I just naturally assumed," said Kagura, "since you always wanted naked pictures of Sakaki—"

"They didn't have to be naked!" Kaorin snapped, "or at least not completely naked," she added. "You take everything I say out of context."

"So then why do you have a boyfriend that looks like a male version of Sakaki?"

"How did you find out about that?" Kaorin hissed.

"There were all these pictures on Facebook of you hanging out with this guy who was super hot with oddly long hair at a number of different locations."

"But I never said he was my boyfriend!" Kaorin responded.

"I just naturally assumed because you two were all PDA in those pictures," Kagura told her friend as the car started up, "also Chihiro told me."

"That lousy little tramp!" Kaorin yelled at the top her lungs, before punching the center of the steering wheel and scaring some nearby pedestrians. "This is exactly like what she did to me at the train station earlier today. She just ditched me and Osaka while she was talking to some guy who was on another train. And then she went on that train and didn't even wave good-bye to us or anything! What the hell is up with her." Kaorin took a moment to breathe before she slumped in the driver's seat. "Anyways that whole Sakaki thing doesn't matter anymore. That was a _one time_ moment when I had feelings for another woman, okay? Get that through your head before I punch it through your head!" she yelled at Kagura.

"Are you PMSing right now?" asked Kagura.

"If you don't shut your mouth this instant I will rip your face off, I swear to god."

"But then why are you so upset today?"

"Were you even listening to me when I talked about what happened to me today?" Kaorin asked Kagura as they got closer to the party. "She was holding my purse when she went on that train, now my driver's license is missing!"

"Wait what?" said Kagura.

"Well at least I know you were listening that time," Kaorin replied with irritation, "now I bet you'll say something like 'then why are you driving us there?'" she said sarcastically.

"The fuck," said Kagura, "what's gotten into you? You're acting like Sakaki does whenever someone mentions Yomi."

"Gah!" Kaorin screamed the moment Yomi was mentioned. She then pounded her fist into the steering wheel in rage screaming, "I hate her, I hate her, I hate her!" punctuating each "her" with a fist into the horn.

"Hey I'm driving just fine," someone yelled up ahead.

"Oh don't even start with me asshole!" Kaorin yelled. She then huffed in anger in her seat as the car slowly filled with silence.

"Who are you talking about exactly?" Kagura asked.

"Yomi," Kaorin venomously hissed, "I just found out earlier today that she has a major crush on Sakaki—and also flirted with my boyfriend."

"No she didn't," Kagura retorted, "everyone knows she never goes outside and just spends all her waking hours on Reddit."

"She did too!" Kaorin responded, "I mean it's not just my cru… my cru… my— argh! Goddammit! I'm so over that already! I don't have a crush on her anymore!"

"So you are a lesbian?" Kagura asked.

"No!" Kaorin replied, "are _you_ a lesbian?"

"What, no! Of course not!" Kagura shakily yelled, "why would you even ask?"

"Yeah, well I'm not either."

An awkward silence filled the atmosphere of the car with an odd type of tension as Kaorin nervously tapped her fingers on the steering wheel. She then cleared her throat after a little bit before proceeding.

"So," she quizzically began, "if I were, not saying that I am, and if I had an interest, but not that I like, another girl then—"

"You mean your crush on Sakaki?" Kagura irritably stated.

"Okay fine! So I have a monstrous crush on Sakaki, you happy now?"

"But you don't freeze up around her anymore like you used to," said Kagura.

"Yeah 'cause I'm an adult, not some 15 year old who freaked out over everything," Kaorin replied.

"But if she was all over you would you freak out?" Kagura asked.

Kaorin took a moment to think about what Kagura had just asked her. "Considering it's never going to happen, or no?"

"'Or no,' you doofus."

"No, I've been in situations like that before and I was fine."

Kagura seemed a little freaked out by what Kaorin said, or jealous, take your pick. "So you are a lesbian?"

"You're a lesbian," Kaorin responded, "I just have a strange fascination with Sakaki," then she whispered to herself, "and her voluptuous body."

"I am not!"

Kaorin merely gave Kagura a face full of disbelief. "So the fact that you act really awkwardly around Tomo ever since that day we had lunch, and by that I don't mean in like a not wanting to even be near her way but like a worried you're too close to her way, doesn't mean anything?"

"Wait a minute," said Kagura, "so then which out of the six of us isn't a lesbian?"

"You mean who," said Kaorin, "and there's gotta be at least three, you know just the number so that everything can't work out."

"What do you mean?" asked Kagura.

"You know, like in all those TV shows where there are five friends and all of them are straight and they don't all pair up with someone else in the group. So since we're a group of six, I guess, and there are three people who aren't lesbians, including moi, then things won't entirely work out within the group, ya know?"

"No Kaorin, I mean what the fuck are you talking about with this whole three and all that other shit you just said? That didn't make any sense."

"Yes it did."

"Are we almost there?" Kagura asked.

"Yeah," said Kaorin, "now just listen for a moment. Before we go in there you just have to know that something is going to happen at this party, that will change everything, forever."

"Are you quoting some TV show?" Kagura asked in an irritated voice.

"Yes, but I also think that Yomi will go ape shit crazy with rage and it will fuck us all up severely."

"You're out of your damn mind," said Kagura, "now I know why I never really interacted with you before in high school, you just keep spouting weird bullshit and having freaky mood swings."

"But we play games together every week or so, you're saying I'm not your friend?"

"Sorry, I don't know what came over me."

"But just so you know, Kagura, you can find another ride back to your apartment."

"Fine!" Kagura yelled as they arrived at the location. She exited the car and slammed the door. "And fuck you!"

Kaorin sat in the car tapping her chin. "Hmm, maybe I was a little harsh with what I said as we were talking. Still, she fucked with my emotions, though unintentionally. And when you fuck with my emotions you fuck with me. And no one, when I'm not in the mood, fucks with me!"

"We can here you from inside Kaorin!" Sakaki yelled, "get the fuck out of here already."

"Aw crap," Kaorin said to herself, "now I've made frenemies."


	34. The Morning Wha!

Kagura groggily felt her mind return to being awake with an unbearable pain shooting through her skull just by being conscious. The small amount of light that came through her eyelids made her feel as if she wanted to gouge her eyes out since even that seemed too bright to stand. After a time that felt longer than an afternoon losing a game of conquest in Battlefield 3, Kagura slowly opened her eyes in discomfort. It took a moment for her to understand what it was that she was seeing in front of her. Kagura's eyes shot wide open in shock and her heart began to pound her chest. She felt as if her entire life had just crashed into a giant dinosaur like monster. In the bed, within which Kagura lay on her side, Sakaki slept with a pleased smile on her face, one arm wrapped around Kagura's waist.

Kagura felt her heart rise to her throat in fear. _Holy fuck_, Kagura thought to herself as she lay there under the sheets with Sakaki's smooth arm resting on her waist, against the exposed skin of her lower back. _Why is Sakaki in my room? Oh fuck, oh fuck_, _oh fuck_, _oh fuck, oh fuck_, _oh fuck_, _oh fuck_, _oh f—_ Kagura's train of thought was interrupted by Sakaki awaking from a gentle slumber.

As Sakaki opened her eyes she noticed Kagura's sweaty, fearful face. Sakai then gave Kagura an intimate smile before saying, "good morning."

Kagura leapt out of bed and painfully landed on her bottom. As she rubbed her painful flesh she looked up at the bed where Sakaki lay smiling. She then noticed something she hadn't before due to the pain that seemed to fill her entire head. She wasn't in her bedroom; she was in Sakaki's. She tried hard to remember what had happened to her the previous night but it was only a black, empty space inside of her memories.

Sakaki smirked as she looked at Kagura sitting on the floor, unable to understand what had happened to her. Now she decided to say something that would shock her friend in an unfair and untruthful way, "I guess you always knew how I much I liked to fuck with you," she said. Sakaki's smile became bigger as she saw Kagura's face look even more freaked out. She then got off of the bed and sat down on the floor next to Kagura, leaning towards her with her hands on Kagura's wrists. "I guess you really don't remember last night."

"Yo— You mean—!" Kagura gulped. She then felt her heart begin to pound within her chest as she felt Sakaki's hand on her face. She felt her body no longer continue to breathe as her mind filled with panic.

Sakaki laughed inside her head as she continued to mess with Kagura. She then gently lifted Kagura's head up by her friend's chin. When she was looking into Kagura's eyes Sakaki brought their faces closer and closer together. She could feel Kagura sweat and tremble, though she didn't know or care with what emotions. She then decided to end the deception. "The truth is…. No we didn't." She watched as Kagura fell backwards letting out a sigh of relief— and disappointment?

Kagura felt her heart's beating slowly return to normal with her heavy breaths. Kagura wondered what had happened when she was so close to Sakaki. She'd just felt weird in every way and sort of happy as she was brought closer and closer to her friend. She couldn't get over how strange everything had felt. She simply turned away from Sakaki because it was simply too much to face her. The only thing she could think about was how startled Sakaki's face had been when Kagura had lay on the ground trying to calm down.

"You're a bitch," Kagura told Sakaki before sharp pain raced through the back of her head as Sakaki lifted her up by her hair.

"Hmm," Sakaki said as she heard Kagura scream obscenities, "I don't think you know how to think before you speak."

"Grah!" Kagura yelled before breaking free from Sakaki's grip. She was filled with fury as she stared venomously at her friend.

"Kagura," Sakaki asked her voice filled with shock, "are you… crying?"

"Shut up!" Kagura yelled as tears streamed from her eyes before she wiped them away. "You fucking pulled my hair and decided to screw with my hear…." She then blushed and looked away from Sakaki. "Err, why did you do that anyways?"

Sakaki had a bored look on her face. She then decided to answer in as rude a voice as she could. "Well you came into my room so drunk that even Yukari would have felt uncomfortable. Then you started going on about, 'I need your ovaries, mine are rusting up,' to my closet. That was before you decided to get under my sheets and burry your face into my chest saying, 'soft pillows, why are they so lumpy?' I then kneed you in the chest pretty hard and then you rolled over onto your other side in agony. I think that was the closest I've ever come to wanting to throw you out of my apartment. Even counting the fact that you have never paid more than ¥20000 even though you've been living here for over a year."

Kagura took a moment to feel embarrassed before angrily asking, "why did you lead me on like that though? You said yourself that you already hit me so why screw with my emotions like that?"

Sakaki rolled her eyes before she verbally responded. "Oh I don't know, sod off. I think you like me anyways, in which case, I am totally locking the door of my room from now on," she said with a frown. "I just don't like the idea of you wandering in when I might not be decently dressed or when you're even more drunk than you were last night. You must have had a pretty good time at that party after I had to punch out Tomo when she got so drunk that she tried to grope me; I left after that. Not to mention those terrible songs that Minamo played which made me turn off the speaker system and nearly got all of us kicked out. After I left the party, my boyfriend and I—" Sakaki suddenly stopped.

Kagura waited a moment for her to keep talking. Eventually she just decided to ask, "what did you two do?"

"I think you'd like to know about what happened to half of us," she sneered, "after that I came back, at one. You wandered into my room like a blind tank in BF3 about two hours later. Now it's 11 in the morning," she ended in disgust. She then gave Kagura a friendly smile. "You wanna 1v1 me?" she asked.

Kagura sighed. "What game do you want to play?"

"We'll play Halo 3 since that's the one you're the best at," Sakaki replied, "just so I'm horribly massacring you like I do in COD, sometimes you don't even make a single kill in that game."

"I'm not sure I even want to play with you," Kagura told Sakaki.

"Quit being so damn moody," Sakaki quipped, "being emo isn't your thing."

"You know it's weird that you're calling me emo," said Kagura, "when you used to be unable to even focus on anything because you loved animals so much. You couldn't even start thinking because your mind would wander even more to animals and furries. Not to mention that you were a total loner that couldn't even stand to be looked at because your fear of other people staring at you made you a mute."

"Says you," Sakaki nonchalantly replied, "at least I'm not a complete wreck whenever anything gets all 'romantic', like you." She then looked at Kagura's angry grimace for a moment before she went on. "Hell, back in high school you were way more emo than I was. I mean sometimes you'd nearly fall to the floor sobbing your eyes out just because you thought you'd been a bad friend to someone or something equally as stupid."

"Sakaki," Kagura said with concern, "when did you change?"

"Huh? Like since whenever you bothered to pay attention to me I suppose," she snidely commented. "If you really want to know it was the instant I learned how strong I am. You see that's how I met my boyfriend, I beat him up because it was really dark and I was really scared when he came out of an alleyway. After I left him in a heap I noticed that I'm pretty bad ass and since that day my confidence has gone up significantly."

"And you've become significantly ruder than before."

"Kagura please," Sakaki said daintily waving her away with one hand, "you can't say you're not brash and inconsiderate at least some of the time."

"Yeah but—"

"And I'm sure you'll admit that it's the same way with me," she interrupted.

"I'd say it's a bit more than _some_ of the time," Kagura mumbled.

"Don't worry," said Sakaki, "you can complain more when I kick your ass in Halo 3."

"Fine," Kagura replied with a defeated voice, "but let's play MW3 again so I can get a better handle on the controls. That way I'll be ready for when Kaorin comes over next week to play some serious LIVE on Xbox."

"That's something I'd actually like to talk to you about," Sakaki told Kagura as they exited her bedroom.

"Oh? What for?"

"Well, you know Kaorin pretty well, right?"

"Yeah…."

"And you know that since high school she's been a little 'weird' near me, right?"

"Yeah, that's 'cause she has a monstrous crush on you and can't ever seem to get over it even after like nine years or some shit like that," Kagura answered.

"I know," said Sakaki, "I knew since high school! Why did you think it was that I almost never even talked to her or hung out with people in her general vicinity? Not to mention all those times she tried to talk to me or get my attention and I just tried to sound agreeable until she finally stopped. I don't think you know what that's like."

"Yeah I do, do you remember that guys used to be all creeper over the two of us all throughout high school?" Kagura asked. "I mean that only happened like 24 hours a day. So you might have missed it."

"Oh please, do you think that I'm as stupid as you are?" Sakaki asked, "I mean seriously."

Yomi sat on the foot of her bed in darkness. She stared intently at the floor, hunched so far forward that her back resembled a triangle. In her hands she tightly gripped a small picture of someone with dark hair, however the image was too distorted from water damage to make out. Yomi's gaze then shifted from the floor to the picture in her hands. A small sniffle filled the air. Suddenly a shaft of light created a path from one end of her bedroom to the other. Then a shadow appeared against the wall. Yomi turned her head to see who it was.

"Hey nerdo," Tomo said to Yomi as she came into the room, "what's up with the emo clothing and makeup?"

"I am not dressed up like an emo!" Yomi snapped. "Dammit Tomo!"

"You're dressed in all black and have lines of mascara drawn down your face like tear stains. Wait a minute, is that a box of black hair dye on your bed?"

"No," said Yomi, before she pushed a box off onto the floor, "shut the fuck up."

"I think you've shut yourself in this room for a little too long," Tomo told Yomi.

"It's only been twelve hours," Yomi replied.

"It's been two days," Tomo corrected, "I think the fact that you unplugged your clock and taped off the windows with black duct tape has distorted your sense of time, and maybe smell. This room is like the den of a family of skunks that have become zombies. Oh my god. You're becoming a hoarder aren't you?"

"You're the biggest idiot in the entire world aren't you?" Yomi asked Tomo, "and I guess I haven't left this room in 48 hours so there's a corner of this room that you don't want to walk into."

"Oh god. Actually it's only been since last night but you looked like you'd fall for it. I mean 30 hours is pretty close to 48 right?"

"Thirty hours?" Yomi told herself, "how did I have to use the—"

"Oh fuck," said Tomo, "you mean you took a piss in the far left corner of the room?"

"No," Yomi told Tomo, she then saw her friend breathe a sigh of relief, "actually let's go with that since it's less embarrassing than—"

"Why is there blood on the wall there?"

"Um, let's just forget that okay?" Yomi asked her friend.

"Forget that, what the fuck?" Tomo angrily yelled at the contact user. "The landlord's going to evict us for this kind of shit! I thought you were smart and mature enough to act like an adult. So you bled on that wall, and… how drunk were you after that party?"

"I just started drinking glass after glass after," Yomi gulped, "right after…." Then she started to sob onto the picture in her hands.

"Yomi, I told you Sakaki wasn't a lesbian no less than a hundred times before the party started."

"I just didn't want to believe what you were saying. Plus you always like to fuck with me every chance you get."

"Clarify that please," Tomo said in an uncomfortable voice.

"You know what I mean," Yomi said sarcastically.

"Oh pffew," Tomo replied, "but why do you write so many stories about me having sex with one of our friends? I mean those were seriously disgusting. After three paragraphs they turned into the most misogynistic sex scenes I'd ever read before. And why did they all have me being double—"

"That's not important," Yomi told Tomo, "and I stopped leaving them on the kitchen counter just like you asked me to." She then ripped the picture in half before shredding it down into paper hamburger.

"You know she probably wouldn't have been so harsh when you came out to her if you hadn't previously told her that you thought she was a sex addict. Or that she was into bestiality, or that you thought she had a sexual interest in Chiyo. Or that you wished you could be Maya in order to purr on her lap and lick her," Tomo responded. "Hell I would have told you to never come near me again too if you'd said that to me in public. I thought you were the smart one in this apartment."

"I have no social skills," Yomi told Tomo.

"No fucking shit," Tomo sarcastically replied, "how did you honestly think that I wasn't aware of something that obvious?" She then thought for a moment. "Though it was a bit much when she actually hit you in face. That was so weird, and come to think of it she was kind of a bitch yesterday to everyone, except Osaka. I wonder why?"

"It's that boyfriend of hers," Yomi yelled, "I'm sure about it. I mean ever since she started going out with him she's slowly started to morph into this rude, sexier, angrier Sakaki."

"The fuck?" said Tomo, "how did you even know she had a boyfriend you damn creeper?"

"I'm not a creeper!" Yomi cried, "she just always used to confide everything in me. At least until…."

"The day you told her that you thought she liked to have weird types of sex," Tomo said, finishing her sentence. "Can't say I wouldn't have done the same damn thing. You really need to get your shit together."

"You're right," Yomi said, getting off of her bed. "I'll start by changing into clean clothes, getting this shit off my face, and cleaning up that spot where I had my—"

"I'm so out of here," said Tomo as she left the room, disgusted by the last thing that Yomi had said. "Holy shit," Tomo said to herself as she plopped down onto the couch, "I really need to get Yomi outside more often, and a psychologist. She is a fucking psycho."

She noticed Yomi come out of the bathroom a few hours later completely cleaned up. "What are you going to do now?" she asked her friend.

"Seven hour Minecraft session," Yomi told her.

"Oh no you're not!" Tomo snapped, "you're coming with me and we're going to go see Kagura. You're isolating yourself from the rest of the world and it's warping your mind. And Sakaki isn't even there this time of day, nah it's too late let's go there Thursday, that's a game night, and then we can have some serious fun playing with her and Kaorin all crammed into the same wet area."

"Wow, that just sounded so incredibly gay," said Yomi, "I'm totally down for that."

"Shit you're right, but that's just 'cause Kagura and Sakaki have a really small couch so you can't even hardly feel comfortable with three people. And then it gets all sweaty and mildly gross. Then the screen gets sorta cluttered too and everyone has to be a guest if you want to do matchmaking and they sort of only want to ever play Halo online because they suck at COD so much that they might as well just hit themselves with semtex until the end of each match. It's sort of hilarious when you think about it."

"You want to watch me play Minecraft?" asked Yomi.

"No, that game's fuckin' stupid."

"Do you wanna watch MLP with me later?"

"Oh my god," said Tomo, "that show sucks so much ass."

"No it doesn't have you even seen it before?" Yomi asked her impatient friend.

"You made me watch the last fucking episode," Tomo snapped, "and all that really happened was that the bad guys got pushed away by some glowy shit that needed a lame love scene to even work in the first place. No one—"

"No pony."

"No _one _fucking did anything in the course of that goddamn hour. All that happened was that a purple pony got all pissed off at some surfer pony. Then a pink one morphed into a black one and was the bad guy. Some lame battle happened between the pastels and the insecty ponies. And then that lame resolution and then the real pink pony got all Anglicized and married the surfer pony before a reception afterwards. It had worse writing than the Matrix sequels."

"You're full of shit," Yomi spat.

"You're full of blind fan girl non objectivity," Tomo countered. "I mean seriously what was so great about that show? That last episode? You looked you were gonna jizz during the airing or something. I mean seriously."

"I can't even do that!" Yomi yelled in anger. "And that wasn't even the last episode a third season is coming out!"

"Wait a minute, that was only season two?" asked Tomo.

"Yeah," Yomi sarcastically replied.

"You mean there are more episodes of that stupid series? That's worse than you're constant mood swings! I hate that show!"

"Why don't I show you another episode, maybe then you'll like it."

"Why would I want to watch another stupid video about ponies?" asked Tomo. "I'm an adult, not some eight year old brat whose parents let the television raise me. Stop trying to make me like that show."

"Please?"

"No, stop it already."

"Just give it one more chance," said Yomi, "just another try."

"Dammit Yomi."

"Just one more try?"

Tomo grimaced in despair as Yomi kept beseeching her. "Goddammit, okay! One more time. But if you ever ask me to watch it I will cut you."

"I don't need your help with that," said Yomi.

Tomo's mouth dropped open in shock.

"I'm just kidding."

"That's not funny," said Tomo, "you had me seriously believe you were suicidal there for a minute."

"Just go make out with Kagura."

"I keep telling you that she hasn't come to terms with it yet!" Tomo bellowed like a Tyrannosaur. "I mean if she had that would be so awesome but she thinks she's really straight and that this is just a phase or something. You're just doing this to screw with me aren't you?"

"Oh you know it."


	35. The Technical Smackdown

Yomi yawned as she walked out of her bedroom that she'd recently been forced to redecorate, or to be more precise de-cryptify because it had looked like a mausoleum not a day before. She then noticed that her roommate Tomo was sitting in front of the desktop, with her left hand in a less than public location between her thighs. As she approached her friend, Tomo quickly hit a button on the keyboard and started franticly clicking.

"What are you doing?" Yomi asked. "There's nothing too secret for you not to tell me about it," she told Tomo with a sweet voice.

"Oh yes there is!" Tomo quickly replied before adding, "in fact there are a lot of things I'd never share with you. Just like what I was doing on this computer not too long ago. I mean ever since I moved it out of your room I've gotten the chance to use it a lot more."

Yomi then leaned on Tomo's shoulders.

"Get the fuck off!"

"When you say that do you mean—"

"I will hit you!" Tomo angrily cried out. "If you take more than two seconds to get off of me I will use my ninjitsu to knock you onto the floor." Yomi then brought her arms off of Tomo's shoulders before she tried to snatch the keyboard away from Tomo. "No goddamn way!" Tomo snapped before she moved faster than Yomi thought possible to keep the keyboard out of her reach.

"Was it porno?"

"No," Tomo muttered, "it wasn't anything. I don't want to talk about it. Go play on the Wii or something," she said, hoping to end the conversation before it got any more awkward.

Unfortunately for Tomo she had forgotten that Yomi didn't even really like to play Wii and was too busy using the PC for Battlefield and Minecraft.

Yomi then started to try to get control of the computer from Tomo. "But I need to get the PKP," she complained, "that was the whole reason I came out here. I was hoping to spend the next fifteen hours or more in BF3 multiplayer if it was necessary to earn that weapon for the support kit."

"Didn't you already unlock that over a year ago?" Tomo asked. "I mean you played this game on the midnight release when I was telling you to turn the damn thing off or at least mute it. Then I was about to slap you before you actually lowered the volume enough so that I could sleep. And after that you turned the volume up again and I was seriously about to kick you through the front door. When you were passed out on the couch at seven am the following day I got a chance to kick some ass on BF3. That was when I discovered that it had a number of bugs that pretty much made it unplayable. Once the patch came through it wasn't too bad but definitely had some gameplay issues that went unresolved despite additional patches. I definitely liked Modern Warfare 2 more."

"I don't know," said Yomi, "I mean Modern Warfare 2 was basically just COD 4 but without a martyrdom that was super annoying and made me hate the game, while also being less balanced and needing less skill to play it. I liked the different maps and game types of BF3 more and I hope that BF5 ends up being an awesome game since BF4 probably won't."

"You're a fuckin' troll," Tomo told Yomi. "How can you just assume that Battlefield 4 is going to suck when the beta hasn't even been released yet? I mean sure it's not that long after BF3 and the latest games in the Medal of Honor series have turned out to be a total bust but BF4 might be good, just like Mass Effect. Though it took way too much talking and picking what happened with action taking not a great enough precedence in the series. I mean the plot was really involving and all but I would have liked to get some more intense action from the firefights. But it was way better than ODST."

"Yeah," said Yomi, "that game kinda sucked."

Tomo nodded her head in agreement. "It was the only Halo game that the Halo bashers could honestly turn to and say was one of the worst FPS games ever made. It tried to combine too many new elements in a way that just didn't work for a group of fans that didn't appreciate its overall poorly executed features, or at least poorly executed for Bungie."

"Yeah," said Yomi, "it was like the Black Ops of Halo."

"What the hell?" Tomo angrily snapped, "Black Ops is great and I already have the sequel on preorder!"

"Why would you preorder a sequel to a game that was a piece of shit?" Yomi asked Tomo. "I mean there were no less than three hundred reasons why the online multiplayer for Black Ops was worse than the other recent Call of Duty games. But at least the story line could be followed, sort of, but it was cheesy and too violent."

"It was still way better than Far Cry 2," said Tomo, "and it's a ton of fun to play online. They really managed to make the weapons and killstreaks enjoyable and helped to give the series a bit of a new edge. But MW3 is not too great except for the fact that you can literally make more kills from the hip than if you aim. I bet that pissed off a lot of people who played against me."

"There's a reason I don't let COD games become installed on the PC," said Yomi, "I have BF3 and Starcraft II as well as Total War and Age of Empires on there plus some easily great titles." She then took a moment to try and steal the mouse from Tomo. She then received a light elbow to the head.

"Don't even think about it you shit," Tomo snapped, "I bought the damn computer and had to pay for the repairs and install all the new motherboards, GPUs, power sources, and CPUs that you kept bugging me to buy. If you think it's your property then I can show you a knuckle sandwich with your name on it!" She then brought her attention back to the monitor once more. "Besides I'm gonna start up some BF3 and play for a bit. Then I have to get to work. Some strange shit's going down and I can't say anymore than that; it's classified."

"Why don't you just go to work then and leave the games to me?" Yomi asked.

"I don't even have to report in for another six hours. All you want to do is see what it was that I was doing," Tomo cried. Tomo then put her hand back into that location as the BF3 screen came up. "So go do something else, okay. Maybe you should go outside for once in your life. You never used to be like this."

"My mom made me go outside and do stuff," Yomi said to explain the difference. "I hate that bitch."

"You've got a real problem," Tomo told her, "you know what you just said about your mother, right? The person who gave life to you and helped care for you and cried from worry about you more times than she might have ever told you? You need to get your shit together okay?"

"Whatever, you're not my mom," Yomi said, mocking Tomo's statement. "Anyways what am I supposed to do outside? Real life is so boring, the virtual world is so much better."

Tomo sighed in defeat at her friend's agoraphobia. "Well then why don't you go buy a video game or nerd comics or something?" she muttered. "I don't have time to deal with this sort of crap. Maybe you can go talk to one of your other friends? It's simply too hard to relax with you over here trying to search my Internet history."

"You were on the Internet?" Yomi asked her friend.

Tomo gulped in shock at what she had just revealed. "Goddammit just go!" And with that she pushed Yomi out the front door.

"What if I get a sunburn?" Yomi yelled through the window.

"I don't give a flying fuck!" Tomo snapped. "It hasn't been that sunny this week, even for a native Transylvania like you!"

"Just because I don't get any sunlight doesn't mean I look like a vampire," Yomi's irritated voice replied. "Whatever. I'm gonna go see if Sakaki's still mad at me."

"Good luck with that," said Tomo before she went back to YouTube to watch a certain embarrassing show. One that she could never tell Yomi about.

Kagura and Sakaki heard a knock on their front door. Kagura awkwardly rose from the floor as Sakaki sat up on the couch. The two of them had previously gotten into an angry scuffle due to Kagura's attempts to screen peak in order to win the video game contest. When Kagura had been out on the floor Sakaki had gotten bored and laid on her side to watch TV.

"You gonna get that?" Sakaki asked Kagura. The "lone wolf" then went back to watching Sgt. Frog reruns, uninterested in her friend's reply.

"I guess so."

"Yeah you'd better," said Sakaki. "Or else next time I'll seriously stomp your ass for that kind of shit."

"I still can't believe you did that to me! I mean after what we did together last night and this morning and how emotional everything has gotten between us? That was almost more than I could handle," she then paused in her speaking to shudder a little.

"You were the one who said you could take it all in," Sakaki replied.

"I thought I could," said Kagura, "I just know now that I don't want to deal with your fists anymore."

"You're still sore from everything, especially done here," said Sakaki as she poked Kagura in the stomach.

"Knock it off," Kagura growled before walking over to see who had come to visit them. She saw Yomi standing awkwardly at the door with an immense blush on her face. "Hey, what's with—?"

"Oh my gosh," said Yomi, "I didn't realize that you and Sakaki were so close." Yomi's face became even redder. "D-did I stop by at a bad moment? Did I interrupt anything?"

It took Kagura a moment to understand what it was that Yomi had said. "That's not even a reasonable conclusion to jump to!"

Sakaki then added, while pointing her finger menacingly at Yomi, "you spread a rumor like that," Sakaki said, before glaring at her better than Clint Eastwood, "_and I'll end you_."

"Sakaki," Kagura told her friend, "that was major harsh. I mean you're still scowling at her like she's some sort of criminal." Kagura then sighed before saying, "what brings you here, Yomi?"

"Just Tomo kicking me out to combat my being a recluse. Apology hug?"

"Okay?" Kagura replied to her prompt before being embraced by her pal.

"Ah, that's better," said Yomi before she rubbed her head against the tan girl. "And your body feels so good."

"Dammit that's enough!" snapped Kagura as she broke away. "You just did that to grope me didn't you? When the hell did you decide it was a good idea to become a total creeper?"

"But I never get some," Yomi whined, "and that's the closest thing to that that I can experience. Besides that's not even what I meant. It just felt good to feel some human contact. It's been a while."

"That's okay," said Sakaki nonchalantly from the couch. "But if you try to do that to me you won't leave this apartment on your own two legs."

"Is it just me, or has Sakaki become kind of an evil bitch?" asked Kagura.

"Since I think my life depends on my answer," said Yomi, "I think you're full of shit. I mean she just doesn't like someone trying to cop a feel, that's all." Yomi then smiled before she said, "so you guys as into a computer hardware discussion as I am?"

"Not in the slightest," Kagura answered.

"I'm game," said Sakaki, "what do you want to talk about?"

"All about the greatness of AMD of course," she cheerily replied. "I have all their latest, greatest CPUs and GPUs connected via some Gigabyte mobos and clockin' well at the 5 GHz. I mostly use them to game but I hear they can do other crap too. Lovin' the way that HD Radeons in crossfire run my FPS games."

"Oh please," said Sakaki, "Intel makes a way better CPU and Nvidia trashes those video cards. I mean just look at the Quadro 6000, it's simply a graphical beast. And if you're not some moron overclocking the system you rarely see any AMD match up to a Sandy Bridge in the gaming realm. It's 3820 or bust for me."

"You're absolutely full of crap," said Yomi, "AMD's CPUs can easily compete with your overpriced brand name. I mean I can get a Zambezi quad core that has a non overclocked speed of 4 GHz for over $100 less than your i7 that only goes at 3.8 on a turbo setting. When I pair that up with my SSD and a SATA 6Gb/s setup it's freakin' amazing.

"Nvidia's top of the line cards don't outperform even some of the Firepro models that severely and lose to them in a variety of different categories. The fact that even the V7900 can provide similar performance to that Quadro for a price point that isn't so ludicrously expensive means that the AMD models are a much better option for just about anyone who wants a high performance GPU and is willing to pay a bit of money to own one.

"Besides there's nothing wrong with overclocking your components, that's why there are aftermarket fans to allow for awesomeness when it comes to speed and raw power. I mean with overclocking you can make your system perform at incredible levels while still being stable. I think that you just bought into the hype that it's really dangerous for your computer."

"You're so technically illiterate that there's no point in even talking to you about this," Sakaki said with yawn. "So then what exactly did you come over here to do? I'm sure you remember what happened at the party."

"AMD is fine and that has nothing to do with why I'm here!" Yomi yelled. "I just wanted to see if you guys were doing anything."

"First of all we're not guys," Sakaki said to Yomi, "unless," she glanced at Kagura for a moment. The tomboy then growled. "And no we were just going to get some groceries." Then she smirked before adding, "Intel is better."

"I don't even know what you guys are talking about," said Kagura, "I'm so confused, is this like a nerd thing or something?"

"Did you just call me a nerd?" Sakaki growled in anger.

"Shut up! I could take you on any day!" Kagura snapped at her friend.

"No you couldn't," Sakaki dismissed, "I mean I just beat you twenty seconds ago. There's no way you could ever win against me in anything ever since I've hit the gym and improved my cardio."

"Are you two having a lovers tiff?" Yomi asked.

"I don't know," said Sakaki. She then wrapped her hands around Kagura's head before asking, "are we baby?"

"Get the hell off of me!" Kagura snapped. "Everyone knows you're not being serious. This is so uncomfortable stop!"

"Okay, whatever," said Sakaki. She let go of her shorter friend before she headed towards the back of the apartment. "Well you two lesbians do whatever it is you wanna do. I'm going to go finish up some online stuff for my veterinary degree. Man that thing has been a pain in the ass to earn. Just don't get anything on the floor or my furniture when you guys get busy or whatever."

"Goddammit," cried Kagura, "why are so rude about everything?"

"Why are you such an idiot?" Sakaki replied from the back of the apartment.

"So you wanna get busy?" Yomi asked Kagura.

"You need to seek professional help," Kagura told her.


	36. Out of the Control

Osaka walked into the strangely smelly world of Kaorin's apartment. She needed a moment for her eyes to adjust to the dark, basement like light levels before she noticed Kaorin seemingly comatose on the couch. It took a moment for Osaka to wake the woman up. She had been in a sleep so deep that even a punch in the stomach hadn't produced any result, and that punch to the face probably just knocked her out.

"Oh crap this is taking forever!" cried Osaka. She then forced Kaorin's sleeping form to hit herself indefinitely in an attempt to get her to wake up from the deep slumber. "Now how will I ever tell her that Sakaki wants her to be her girlfriend?" Then when Kaorin began to snore Osaka realized just how tired she really was, for some reason. I mean it's like Rip Van Winkle over here.

Then Osaka's eyes filled with panic at a new idea. She noticed that Kaorin's snoring body was oddly cold and clammy. There could be only one explanation for why she was in this state.

"Oh my god," said Osaka, "she's become a Yomi!"

"Goddammit I'm fine!" snapped Kaorin as she furiously awakened. "And that doesn't even make sense. How can someone become a Yomi?" she asked in irritation.

"Legend goes that it's an unholy combination of an overly hormonal, self conscious otaku and a 15 year team Edward fanatic, trapped in the body of an average, apathetic undergrad," Osaka explained.

"I know what one is," Kaorin said rolling her eyes, "but you can't become a Yomi, you're simply born into existence as a Yomi. That's like saying Goku can beat Superman."

"But Goku can beat Superman," said Osaka, "I mean he's a super saiyan."

"But Superman like punched a planet or something or got like thrown into the sun and just became stronger from it. There isn't a DBZ character ever made that could do that."

"Do you think Kid Buu could have lived in the sun?"

"I don't know," said Kaorin, "maybe. But I still don't see why you say I've become Yomi, how insulting."

Across town in an average apartment Kagura and Sakaki were busy trying to figure out why their electric bill was maxing out at an insane price point. This wasn't helped by the fact that Sakaki was the only one who ever paid for the apartment's upkeep. They were nearly at each other's throats.

"I don't care how scary you think the dark closet is!" Sakaki snapped. "There's no reason for you to keep a flood light on in there between 12 and 7 AM. I mean that's just ridiculous!"

"But do you know how many monsters from the closet related deaths occur every century?" Kagura asked in an exasperated voice.

"Zero."

"That's only statistically accurate!" the tomboy snapped. "Everyone knows that vile creatures lurk in dark, dusty places."

"Kagura those kinds of things aren't even real," Sakaki moaned. "How can you honestly expect there to be various types of goblins hiding under your stinky clothes and worn out shoes?"

"I guess you have a point," Kagura conceded. "But I demand to at least have a single incandescent bulb planted in the middle of the closet ceiling on during those hours." The look of dismay on Sakaki's face made Kagura present a different proposal. "How 'bout a fluorescent?"

"Look," said Kaorin, "I was just really, really tired."

"But then why was it so dark in here?" Osaka asked her. "I mean it's the middle of the day after all."

"It's just dark in this apartment complex," she replied, "I don't know what else to tell ya. And, why did you come here anyways?"

"I can't really remember," said the semi spacey woman. "I think it had something to do with Sakaki's boyfriend or the time you and Tomo decided we should prank Kagura by having the police kick down her door."

"Wait a minute. We never suggested that as a prank. I wanted to stick a pumpkin in her closet that howled every so often. Then Tomo wanted to put some kind of Lord of the Rings prop in there that glowed red in the dark," Kaorin replied to correct her friend's train of thought. "As for Sakaki's boyfriend… I don't think I've met him. But oh my god, Yomi just kept going on about how much she hated him. I mean it was almost as bad as having to hear her read some of that emo poetry she likes to scribble."

"It kinda makes sense that she would hate him," said Osaka. "Or anyone that Sakaki was dating for that matter."

"I wonder what Sakaki's boyfriend is like," Kaorin said. "I mean he could be super hot, or a complete dive. But Sakaki would never have such poor taste in anything!" the woman quickly asserted.

"Before you go all fangirl over Sakaki," Osaka started to say in response, "you do know she's not perf—"

"She is beyond the form of perfection that the human mind can even hope to conceive!" Kaorin yelled, as Osaka cowered during this outburst. "You're only saying that because you're just jealous that you can never reach such levels of human excellence!"

"You're kinda freakin' me out here," Osaka said as calmly as she could. "Maybe we can change the subject or somethin'?" she pleaded.

"Okay," Kaorin said, "but only if you never even dare to think that tripe you were about to say." When Osaka didn't seem to disagree, Kaorin's anger began to subside. "Do you think we'll ever invent spaceships that can fly among the stars?"

"Why are you asking that?"

"Because I always wanted to be an astronaut when I was a kid," Kaorin said with glee. "I dreamt I would go into space and find all the pretty people. Then in middle school I wanted them all to be my boyfriends and or girlfriends. Now I just want to pay the rent, but I'm still maintaining that devotion to astronomy through Google News."

"Why did you want all those people to like you?" asked Osaka.

"I was really bi-curious back then," Kaorin answered. "Now I know I would totally hit on anything sexy, within reason of course."

"So no hookers?"

"No hookers," the woman confirmed. "Let's just say that there are some sensations their services provide that you just don't want to feel down there."

"I think we should probably change the subject now," Osaka responded.

"Good idea."

"But there was a monster in it only a few nights ago!" Kagura told Sakaki in a panic. "I mean it was lit up in a red light and I cowered under my sheets until I woke up after passing out from sheer terror! It had a goblin's face and just stared at me for who knows how long."

"Kagura," said Sakaki in total despair, "there wasn't anything dangerous in your closet, only this." She reached under the coffee table and retrieved a mask with a light in it.

Kagura stared at it for a moment before she suddenly snapped, "who put that in my closet?"

"No one put it in there, you probably just forgot that you'd set it up or something."

"If I'd set it up then I wouldn't have wondered what the hell that thing was!" she cried out. "I mean how stupid do you think I am?"

Sakaki rubbed her eyes with her right hand. "Well if you didn't put it in there who did?"

"It was probably you!"

"No, I was just cleaning out your filthy closet, as you snored like a dead bear, when I found this stupid thing." Sakaki took a moment to sigh. "Can we focus on something more important right now?"

"Fine," said Kagura. "At least you're being nice today."

"I'm like this almost everyday," Sakaki replied in an irritated voice. "I only get nasty when someone does something to piss me the fuck off," she explained. "So now do you see why I've been 'a bitch', according to you?"

"You never used to get pissed off."

"I used to get pissed off all the time at the shit you people did," Sakaki corrected her. "It's only been until recently that the sheer accumulated volume of seething rage can be expressed."

"It sounds like you need a counselor," Kagura replied.

"Or maybe you just need to think a little more before you decide to eat the leftover curry I'd been saving in the fridge."

"I didn't see your name on it."

Sakaki had been trying her best to contain the anger building up during her conversation with Kagura. Now as they continued to argue over who was "most wrong" in screwing up the apartment, she had almost reached the tipping point. Thankfully before she managed to do so Osaka had dragged Kaorin over.

"What are y'all arguin' about?" Osaka asked as Kaorin tried not to fall asleep on Sakaki's couch.

"Some assholes put a monster mask in my room!" Kagura complained.

"Y-you don't say," said Kaorin as she woke with a start. "That's…weird."

"When I found out who did this I'm gonna beat the crap out of 'em!" the tomboy yelled.

Kaorin needed a moment to fully comprehend the situation because of her lack of sleep. She then proceeded to do the only logical thing in that situation. Rat on her fellow conspirators.

"Tomo and Osaka did it!"


	37. Suddenly Things Change

Kagura and Sakaki sat together in front of their laptop, in the middle of the afternoon. As Sakaki seemed to absentmindedly stare into space; Kagura grumbled with an intense level of irritation. On the screen in front of her Kagura could see a picture of the man reported to be Sakaki's boyfriend. And she was incredibly jealous.

"So this is your boyfriend?" Kagura asked Sakaki.

"Yeah," she responded with a distant voice.

"But, wh-why is he so hot?" Kagura cried in agony.

"Look who you're talking to," Sakaki replied. "Did you really think that I would have some hideous looking boyfriend? He was one of the few people who could even hope to match my standards."

"Why are you always like this now?" Kagura asked. "You never used to be so stuck up and arrogant."

"I didn't notice," Sakaki said in a bored voice, "I'm not even sure you aren't just imagining that I've been acting that way." She then decided to ask her friend a question. "So you said before that you're not sure if you like Tomo, as more than a friend. Did you ever decide on that or what?"

"How can you think of bringing that up right now?" Kagura cried in anger.

"Are you kidding me?" asked Sakaki. "It seems like a fairly logical topic to bring up when you're looking at a picture of my boyfriend."

Kagura merely gave a monosyllabic growl in reply. The tomboy then kept looking through the various pictures on her friend's FaceBook page until she came across something that puzzled her. What she had found was a picture of Sakaki's boyfriend standing next to another man. Something about the situation seemed familiar to her but she couldn't be sure of what it was.

"Are you jealous?" Sakaki asked her friend.

"Why would I be jealous of you and your stupid boyfriend?"

"I should have known you were jealous from the moment you glared at me after seeing his picture!" Sakaki exclaimed in amusement. "It never occurred to me that you swung both ways," she added, with a sly grin.

"Shut up!" Kagura snapped. "That's the stupidest thing I ever heard! I only swing for gi— I mean guys!" She then looked down at the ground in embarrassment. "Promise you won't tell anyone what I just said, alright?"

"Fine," Sakaki sighed, "even though that would be a lot more fun."

Kagura's face contorted into a mixture of mild anger and extreme irritation. She then asked Sakaki, "What kind of friend are you?"

"This coming from the same chick who can't remember to help me pay the rent?" she asked Kagura. "If I didn't know any better I'd say that you're not doing so well yourself in the congeniality department."

"Why are almost at each other's throats every second of the day?" Kagura exclaimed.

"I think you're exaggerating a bit," Sakaki said, before taking a big, bored yawn. "I don't see why you make such a big deal out of everything. Now that you're starting to freak out over how awesome my boyfriend is I'm starting to think you need to get back into the dating scene. You're starting to worry me."

"What do you think I've been trying to do?" was Kagura's rhetorical response. "Do you know how hard it is to co— I mean find a cool guy? It's pretty terrify— that is difficult."

"You see that's what I don't get," Sakaki told her friend, "If all of your friends know that you're gay, but still like you, invite you to various events and want to hang out with you, why don't you just come out privately? I mean publicly yeah, that might be too much. Then again, I really don't have any idea what it's like to be in that position."

"I'm sure you know a lot about various positions," Kagura quipped.

"You fucker," said Sakaki, "there's a difference between having a boyfriend and being a fucking prostitute!"

"I wouldn't know; I really don't have any idea what it's like to be in different positions."

As soon as Kagura finished her comment she noticed that Sakaki's eyes burned with an unassailable anger. In a mere moment she noticed her friend's fist coming towards her face. Kagura managed to half dodge the blow so that her nose remained unbroken but her face hurt pretty bad and she fell to the floor.

Standing over the prone body of her friend Sakaki screamed, "How dare you make fun of me and my boyfriend? Don't ever make fun of him or I will destroy you! You have no idea what it was like to be me when I was young, and it'll be a hell of a long time before I ever tell you about it!" Sakaki then gulped in shock. She stood still for a moment before bending over to help Kagura back up. With tears in her eyes she then turned around and left the apartment.

Kagura was still in shock about what had happened just a few seconds ago. She noticed how quiet their living place was whenever one of them wasn't there. There was normally the sound of either happy laughter or irritated bickering. The two of them might have a nasty fight but they usually made up quickly. They were still together. Now as Kagura sat on the couch alone she knew that something had changed.

Sakaki had always acted quietly, almost unseen. She was nervous, shy and it was difficult to get her to respond to just about anything. When Sakaki had started acting so differently Kagura had merely found it to be irritating. The tomboy had written it off as something a bit trivial, not too worrying. She couldn't even say for sure when these changes had started to take place. It seemed as if one day Sakaki had simply exploded as being louder, more obnoxious, and meaner. However it was clear that something was fundamentally different about the girl who was Kagura's best friend. But Kagura didn't know what had really caused these things to happen, and she needed to stop it before everything went too far.


	38. Final FantaCell Time

Osaka and Tomo sat inside the police station in the middle of a serious conversation. "Osaka I keep telling you that it's not possible for me to revoke your forty three parking tickets!" Or maybe they're in a normal conversation.

"But you told me that I could negotiate in court for a better whatchamacallit!" Osaka pleaded.

"I'm not a judge," said Tomo, "I'm a patrol officer! I make arrests and occasionally pull a gun on a perp. I don't have enough judicial authority to revoke your parking tickets. Come to think of it, didn't I give you most of those anyways?"

"Yeah, it was so unfair," said Osaka. "All I did was park sideways into three spaces, all of which we handicap zones. Thirty tickets seems a little extreme for something like that!"

"Osaka you did that twelve times!"

"I don't understand why this is always my fault," Osaka. "I don't see why I need to pay for other people's inability to appreciate how important it is for me to get my groceries without having to scan a huge ass parking lot."

"Oh my god," said Tomo, "why do I have to constantly deal with this kind of shit at my job? If I knew that being a police officer would cause me to constantly argue with people who just don't like anyone telling them what to do I never would have signed up," she grumbled to herself. "I mean I thought I'd be like Robocop or something cool like that, not having to stand there and watch a guy in a prison cell throwing up onto the floor because he got way too drunk and we had to bring him in."

"But while you're busy trying to make me pay for abusing parking spots you could be busting a drug operation or something," Osaka whined in protest.

"That doesn't actually happen that often," Tomo told her, "I mean this is Tokyo, not Detroit. It's like expecting space aliens to have built the pyramids or something like that."

"Don't say that around Chihiro," Osaka told the "wildcat idiot", "she fell for that crap that was being aired on the history channel. I'm not really sure why, something about the sudden plausibility considering that the guy on it dresses like the average respectable scientist. I told her that was kind of a heavy-handed diss on scientists since not all of them dress like a colorblind chimpanzee."

"You're shitting me," said Tomo, "why on earth would you fall for that completely fake, or at least questionable, series? I mean who honestly thinks that ancient humans weren't smart enough to stack up rocks? And they weren't as lazy back then, or at least not when they had stuff to do."

"I dunno," Osaka told her, "all I know is that I am being unfairly harassed by the police department!"

"Okay," Tomo began, "first off, don't start this bullshit. I mean consider the people who are actually unfairly harassed by the police, as in Rodney King type shit. Being told to take your tent out of the city park because you and four hundred other people destroyed the lawn is not even close to being in the same league. I mean if they're beating people over the head 'til their brains are on the ground then yes, usually doesn't go that way though."

"You're just saying that because you're part of the establishment!"

"Osaka, you're not even one of those annoying hipsters!"

"I know," she replied, "but that doesn't really make much of a difference about why I'm not totally in line with your opinion."

"But you're just trying to get out of paying a fine!" Tomo snapped, "and on top of that you're making a mockery of people who really did go through hell dealing with law enforcement. I'm not quite sure which is worse. Your lack of respect for society or your lack of respect for victims."

"I think you might be trying to milk this a bit," Osaka told her.

"You have got to be fucking kidding me," Tomo said in shock.

Yomi stood in her apartment waving her arms and wailing in agony in front of her PC since she sucked so much at Final Fantasy that she couldn't even figure out the save system. Her fists pounded the keyboard in fury as her party kept getting it's ass kicked over and over again.

"I just want to use a fucking tent without needing to reach one of only three save areas in an entire three hour radius of gameplay!" the nerdy woman screamed aloud. "This is almost as bad as the time that Sakaki rejected me at that stupid party." The memory of that incident came back to her like it was yesterday. Then by thinking about it some more she realized she had come on stronger than Master Chief in the Arby n the Chief series by DigitalPh33r. No wonder she had gotten screamed at and ran away from.

Yomi looked back at her screen and realized how badly she needed a party member that could do at least red magic. There were simply too many enemies that couldn't be hurt by anything other than magic for her to get by with only a white magic spell caster. She was nearly about to give up and throw her monitor out the window when her phone buzzed in her pocket.

"Hello?"

"_Hey Yomi_," said Kagura, "_you said that Sakaki told you lots of secrets back when you two were more buddy-buddy with each other right?_"

"No, not particularly…"

"_Great, I'll be over there in just a few minutes 'cause I know you're lying to me, you have that smug sounding voice you get when you lie_," the tomboy told her bespectacled friend. "_It's just that Sakaki said something really weird to me earlier today and I need someone to help me figure out what she meant._"

"You wouldn't happen to know how to kick ass at Final Fantasy, would you?" Yomi asked her.

"_Which Final Fantasy_?"

"The first through seventh ones."

"_I dunno, I never played any of them_," Kagura told her.

"Well don't come here until you find someone who does," Yomi told her before hanging up.

"Great!" Kagura told herself as she slumped into the driver's seat of her car. "Now who the hell do I know that likes a game that repetitive and overly complex? I know, Yo— no, someone else, someone who isn't the person who just asked me to find help for that game. I'm sure I know someone who plays Settlers of Catan, but who is it?" Then it dawned on Kagura and she slumped even further into the driver's seat than she had before.

She did know someone who was a huge fan of all types of RPGs, RTS games, and board game strategy games. However the two of them had never been on quite the best footing with each other. In fact they hadn't spoken to each other in a long, long time. It hurt her pride to imagine that she'd need to ask for his help about anything, much less her friends. But there was no choice right now. She'd have to go see Ken.


End file.
